The other night we had dinner with another pastor and spouse--long time friends and colleagues. Their church is growing and in better financial shape than it has been in years, but they are moving. Why? Simply put, because this pastor is not like the last pastor. Seem unfair? There is more.
So the DS calls and says that they will move. The salary will be cut substantially, the kids will have to change schools, their college students may have to drop out, and the spouse will have to quit the job.
I don't know about you, but this breaks my heart for lots of reasons.
1. What kind of leadership allows their people (pastors and families) to be beat up on a regular basis?
2. What kind of leadership rewards good results and a job well done with punishment?
3. How many times can this happen to a family and not effect the pastor's ministry in the next church?
4. How may times can a family expect to be collateral damage and still feel good about the church?
Perhaps you say that pastors and families should not expect rewards. But should they expect punishment in the form of financial and family instability and anxiety?
You say, "Yes, but they have a guaranteed job and a house for free." And that is not nothing, but it is getting closer.
If leadership really want to improve the health of clergy, this is surely not the way.
If leadership really want trust, they need to earn it.
If leadership really want accountable, they also need to be accountable.
Kathy
Amen. If the denomination allows (and encourages) a married clergy, then they have to take the whole family's needs into consideration when they mandate a move.
ReplyDeleteI know people in other professions have to make hard choices when they get transferred or change jobs--but at least they have a choice and can actually weigh the pros and cons of the new job for their families--the financial issues, the effect on their children, the spouse's career, etc. Clergy in the UMC are denied that choice, and it takes a heavy toll on clergy morale and the families' feelings toward the church--which is not a source of comfort or spiritual enrichment, but an antagonistic burden.
Wow, that can't be good for the church or the clergy. What will this do to the next pastor's relationship with those lay people at that church who will now perceive that they are the ones with the power?
ReplyDeleteThis post resonates with my life....but in order to "protect us" we were removed from our appt. in January. We're left hurt, disappointed, financially burdened and without a place. Who knows what happens next? Only God. And hopefully the DS soon! I do have concerns for this church's next pastor. I hope they can learn to embrace different styles of leadership. But I also hope they learn somehow that what they did to us was wrong. The UMC has ways for churches to request a new pastor, and this church didn't use them. What they did do was leave a majority of the church population wondering what on earth happened, leaving the wrong people feeling victorious, and leaving a young pastor and his wife feeling broken and afraid of what the future may hold for us now. The thing that is most hurtful to me about the whole thing is that we loved them. Very much. I feel betrayed. And all I can think is it didn't have to be this way. We would have gladly moved in June. They didn't have to try to destroy us in the process. Now our task is to keep loving people even when they hurt or disappoint us, and go wherever we are sent and love those people too, even though we might be afraid we'll be hurt again. Sorry for the long comment. I'm not from your area, so it feels like a safe place to pour out words I can't say anywhere else. Thanks for listening.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous,
ReplyDeleteIt is a safe place. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks for sharing. As long as these stories are hidden in the dark, nothing will change. There are crazy and hurtful people in every church. But if the healthy and kind people don't speak up, these hurtful people seem to gravite toward church leadership. I can have mercy for these hateful people (eventually); what is harder to me is to have patience for the people who knowingly sit by and do nothing.
ReplyDeleteIt's the same with us. If we see injustice and people being used and hurt, we need to speak up and say something. This applies not only to the local church, but to the Church. We have to help each other. We've already seen that the families count for too little in our system. If we want change we have to also offer alternatives and be part of the solution.
These stories are all too frequent. The online newsletter of Ministry to Ministers carries many articles related to this dynamic including why good church people don't speak up and there seems to be a shared book for trouble making that all such drama follows.
ReplyDeleteStories like this is also why many clergy are leaving being pastor of a local church.
Sometimes it appears that some ministers "flop to the top" while the truly dedicated, faithful ones are sent on down the line. Our bishop has surrounded himself with ministers who have not been faithful to their spouses, churches, or their calling. Yet, others who have endured difficult appointments, stayed faithful for the long haul, have experienced church growth, and have been 100% apportionment churches are overlooked for leadership roles. Just MHO.
ReplyDeleteSo glad to see these questions.
ReplyDelete1. What kind of leadership allows their people (pastors and families) to be beat up on a regular basis?
2. What kind of leadership rewards good results and a job well done with punishment?
3. How many times can this happen to a family and not effect the pastor's ministry in the next church?
4. How may times can a family expect to be collateral damage and still feel good about the church?
They are the elephant in the room that NO ONE is talking about. And if you do....your faith and calling are questioned.
Who will answer these questions? I have them too.
``Way I see it, no one has broken any laws. At least, he tried.
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``Way I see it, no one has broken any laws. At least, he tried.
He released her and motioned her to lead. And if she continues to be a painin the ass, youll be kissing yours goodbye.
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He released her and motioned her to lead. And if she continues to be a painin the ass, youll be kissing yours goodbye.