Ethics and Pastoral Change

Mike, my husband, met with the staff/parish committee on Monday evening to tell those gathered that he has decided to retire. Tuesday, he told the staff during their weekly meeting.

Mike will be 63 in January, and has had a sense over the past year, that after 15 years, he has done as much as he can at his current appointment. I trust Mike to know when it is time to move on as throughout the years, he seems to know when he needs another challenge. I have known about this possibility since August, but presenting the news formally has been difficult for me to handle. I do not deal with change easily, especially after fifteen years.

I have known Mike for 38 years, and he has never been without a church in some capacity-- (filling in for vacationing or sick pastors). We have been married for 36 years, so all of our life has been in ministry. Now the delicate part comes: I cannot say anything about this change until Mike's letter (in which he describes what his intentions are for the future) goes to the congregation -- which will probably go out today or tomorrow -- not too long to wait.

However, today I received a call from a staff member who wanted me to know that she was very disappointed that I hadn't called, emailed, or met with her before Mike's announcement. I apologized, but I also realized that her remarks did not ease the grief I am feeling about the change. She wanted to know all about the decision: why he didn't stay until he was 65, why can't he take a church, what is he going to do, etc.

I answered her questions honestly, because he felt that he had done as much as he could, he didn't want to take a church for only 1 1/2 years. That would not be fair to that church, and he doesn't really know what he is going to do.

I was surprised to receive her call, especially the nature of her remarks. I feel certain that there will be more thoughts to share as the weeks progress on this topic of retirement, so stay tuned.

God increase my faith and trust in you for all circumstances of my life. Amen.

Jacquie Reed, Fishers, Indiana

Staff Christmas Gifts, Christmas Parties, Gifts for the Pastor

I love the Christmas season and all the parties. I've often joked about "being on the party circuit" during December. It's really nice to be invited to all the Sunday School parties; we've even hosted an open house at the parsonage. This all well and good, as long as it doesn't get out of hand. But what do you do about getting gifts for your staff--paid or volunteer? Do you give gifts to your church leaders? If so, what works best?

Lately, we've found a wonderful woman who makes hand-painted Ukrainian eggs with rich Christian symbolism. These make great ornaments and I use mine at Easter too. But I admit, finding gifts can be difficult.

It seems that many churches don't give a Christmas gift to the pastor. True, some parishioners sometimes give individually, but not the church as a whole. I've always found this odd; given that where ever I've worked in the secular world, the company has always given at least some token. Perhaps church folks just don't think about it. I remember at one church, the choir gave the director several hundred dollars (I was in the choir and gave too.) And my spouse got nothing.

I know we are not in ministry for the money, but simple acts of kindness often just go undone. It's significant too that, in our experience, the smaller churches are the most generous.

What do you think? Should churches give pastors Christmas gifts? Should the pastor give gifts to the staff and church leaders? What make the most meaningful gifts for you and your family?

Kathy

Kathy is a book editor at a religious publishing house