What Pastor Spouses Want Their Congregations to Know

As some of us will be moving to new churches, it might be worth considering what you want your congregation to know. Here's my list. You might have a different one.

1. I don't play the piano. Might wish I did, but I don't.
2. I am not an extension of my spouse. I have my own views and convictions.
3. I don't carry messages to my spouse. For one reason, I might forget, but the other reason is that if you want to tell the pastor something, don't drag me into it.
4. You can talk to me about something other than the church.
5. Our children are our children. But please be sensitive to them, because they live in a glass house.
6. Don't come to visit me without calling in advance.
7. Criticism about the church or my spouse even if "given in love," is still criticism.
8. Christian people do not hurt their pastor by hurting me or the children. This happens more than you know.
9. I am not a co-pastor. Don't count on me to help on every committee or attend every church event.
10. I really do love the church, but I'm not married to it. Really.
11. I did not take a vow of poverty when my spouse decided to become a pastor. I appreciate and expect a fair salary as much as you do.
12. I really do appreciate all your support and have received many unexpected gifts of friendship.

I don't share all of these things immediately when going to a new place, because in time they will all come up naturally anyway. But I do stick to these principles and found the church people, not only understand, but appreciate knowing.

Blessings on you.
Kathy

Priorities

Here in Tennessee, even the threat of snow sends everybody to the grocery for milk and bread. The reason is that for us when the weatherman says "Snow," we get ice and snow. So when the forecaster predicts bad weather for the weekend, the first question many church folk ask is, "Will we have church on Sunday?" The answer is always, yes, but it doesn't stop folks from asking.

Last night with the forecast of an approaching snow and ice storm, we had buckets of rain. (Ice is supposed to come in the morning.) But it was also the night for our women's group (UMW) Christmas party, which was to be held in a member's home. As I drove in the awful weather, I kept thinking that I might be the only person there. It would be just me and the party hostess. She had already told me about all her preparations, and I didn't want her to have done all that work for nothing. So, at least in my mind, I bravely drove to her house expecting to find no one else there.

But guess what? When I got there, everybody was already there. It was one of the best attended meetings we've had recently. In fact one of the women said that her Bunko group had been known to get out when tornadoes threatened just to play a game.

Sure, I was happy to see my friends, but I was also a bit surprised. For some of these people were the same people who were asking if we are having church Sunday. Go figure!

What kind of priorities do we have? And what priorities should we have?

Grace, Kathy

The Church: Hospital for Sinners?

It is often said that the church is not a home for the saints but a hospital for sinners. But the church is also called to be the heart and engine for mission in the world. While being a good hospital and effective engine for mission may not be roles that have to conflict, sometimes we just have to ask, how many badly broken people can the church care for inside its own community and still have adequate resources to reach out beyond its walls?

True, working together in mission can heal a lot of brokenness inside of church folk and bring relief to suffering in the world. And while we all agree that God does the healing and enables the church to reach out, in my experience any community of faith can only have so many badly broken people. Yes, we are all broken to some extent. We all sin and fall short of the glory of God. But we also have to recognize that there are different types of brokenness. While there are many types of brokenness, here are a few that I'll highlight.

First, there are those who hide their brokenness. And this may be most of us.

Second, there are those who have been so beat up and tired out by their experiences, that they just want to rest. And that is another large group of us. But if a church has too many of this type of broken person, it's difficult for the church to put energy into mission.

Third, there are those who are proud of their scars so much so that they wear them "in your face." These are the folks who flaunt their brokenness. Actually, these folks may be helpful in doing mission if they also don't demand that the church just take care of them or constantly stir up conflict.

Fourth, there are those who are so broken that they need the love and care of church people to hold them together for long periods of time. While we may all suffer tragedy and are dependent of the church in times of crisis, I'm talking about the folks who are dependent on the church as part of their lifestyle. These are the people who eat up inordinate amounts of the pastor's time and energy. If there are too many of this type of person in the church, mission can't happen, at least the way it could.

So it's a complicated thing. We know that we are all broken, but it can be annoying that those other broken people just go somewhere else so the church can get on with its mission. But somehow that doesn't sound right either. The church has to balance both roles. It has to be a hospital for sinners and an engine for mission. (You can probably have too many engineers as well.) But any hospital takes staff who are not broken or at least not broken so much that it precludes their ministry. 

Grace,

Kathy

Who mentors clergy/spouses young in ministry?

I spend each Tuesday volunteering as a chaplain at one of the Indiana University Hospitals fairly close to my house. Today I was walking through the lobby and saw one of Mike's (my husband)former district superintendents, Paul, and his wife, Mary. I was so glad to see them. They are getting close to eighty, but remain active in church, community, and family interests.

Paul was Mike's superintendent from 1981-1983. We brought them a meal when they moved. We were in their house numerous times for dinner, along with other clergy and their spouses. Paul and Mary came to our house too. Our friendship with them was close, like family. Paul mentored Mike and the other pastors in the district. Mary mentored spouses with warmth, and genuine care. We were so blessed to be in their district.

I wish clergy/spouses young in ministry could be mentored the way Paul and Mary did for us. They were integral parts of our growth in self, in God, and in ministry. My heart aches when I listen to spouses who have no one to walk alongside in close and meaningful ways. Our districts are so large now, geographically, that there are assistant district superintendents who help the district superintendent. Administrative tasks have increased. Ministry is so much more complex than in the early eighties.

The gracious hospitality that Mike and I received from district superintendents and their spouses the first twenty years in ministry was such a grounding for the future.

How do other conferences nurture clergy/spouses young in ministry?

Jacquie

How Do You Answer Big Questions?

The big questions keep coming my way. Even though my husband retired from ministry a year ago, my identity as one who can field and perhaps offer insight to difficult questions continues. A few years ago I even completed a two-year course of study at the Benedictine monastery in Indianapolis to become a spiritual director. Although I learned a lot about the desert fathers and mothers and other influential persons across denominations, when I get asked "big questions," I still struggle to find some sort of comforting answer. I find that no amount of training can ever prepare me for these persistent questions. I am grateful when God steps in, and provides answers; although, the words come from my mouth, they are not truly mine.

Although I do spiritual direction with persons individually, people often come up and ask me those big questions in Target, the library, the grocery store parking lot, at my kitchen table. Perhaps you attract them too.

Here is a question that came my way this week. Today I was at the library, tutoring a student. Her mother mentioned that she received a notice from her church to work in childcare. The mother said, "I felt terrible that I couldn't volunteer. I got the notice on Wednesday for the following Sunday. We already had plans for a family gathering Sunday morning. Am I a bad Christian because I said no?"

My answer to Judy: "No, you are not a bad Christian. Sometimes things don't work out. There will be other times when you can volunteer."

The question I asked myself was, "Why does this woman put a negative judgement on her life? Why did she frame it as being a good or bad Christian? Who told her she couldn't reasonably say no?

How would you have answered? What do you say when people ask you big questions out of the blue? Who do you turn to when you have big questions?

Jacquie
Fishers, Indiana

Need Help or Information about Autism?

If you want information for you and/or your church about children with Autism, you will want to check out Ellen Notbohm. She is the author of the best-selling book, Ten Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knew. Here is her web address:
http://www.ellennotbohm.com/

You might also want to subscribe to her free newsletter that is available when you go to her site.

Kathy

Growing in Love and Marriage

My husband, Mike, retired a year ago after 37 years in ministry. I did not anticipate any great difficulty with this change in our lives, as we already had lots of events in which we participated in place years before we even thought about retirement.

So, I was very surprised to discover we had two very different styles of preparing/leaving for church. Now, we had not ridden to church together for 35 years. That fact should have been my first clue to potential difficulty. Mike insisted we leave 45 minutes before the service began (a drive that only takes 25 minutes max). My habit had been to skim in right when the service started or even during the opening hymn. "Why arrive any earlier?" I thought, "I can visit with people after church."

Convincing Mike that he no longer needs to arrive early to open the church, check the baptismal fount for water, make sure the communion elements and bulletins in place, etc. etc., is a major task. He also has had to find space on the passenger side of the car for me to "move in." My style on Sunday morning for 35 years had been to finish getting ready for church at each stoplight--putting on makeup and inserting my contacts.

Needless to say, there was an adjustment necessary on Sunday morning that I never would have predicted. Now that a year has passed, we have reached a compromise. I've shaved fifteen minutes from our departure time, and Mike has adjusted well to having me in the car. In fact, he recently bought a box of kleenex so that I didn't need to transport the box from my car to his each week.

As humorous as these changes have been, Mike broke my heart several times. A few weeks after he retired, I asked, "How are you doing?" He replied, "I have my soul back." I was speechless. I wasn't expecting that reply. Then not too long ago, he said, "I am almost getting to the place where I can think of a weekend without sermon preparation or typical weekend responsibilities at the church."

I knew that Mike had served well and deeply with persons in the various congregations he pastored, but I thought that retiring would enable him to relax immediately and adapt to a new weekend pace. The rhythm of ministry is rewarding, but also difficult and grueling. People bring who they are to church life--worship, commitee meetings, fund raising, and all other aspects of participation, which means they bring all sorts of challenges to ministry.

I am so thankful that Mike sits beside me in church. That is a really big deal for us. We cherish our time driving to and from church, wondering about the sermon on the way down, and then discussing the worship experience on the way home. I am so thankful that finally after a year Mike can relax, and experience God's presence so deeply each Sunday. We have grown during the year--with humor and God's blessing realizing that compromise can occur in any part of our married life.

Jacquie Reed, Fishers, Indiana

Does Biology Trump Responsibility or My Brain Made Me Do It

Ever wonder where we get the concept of right brain/left brain? Here's a link to find out.

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/11/01/science/telling-the-story-of-the-brains-cacophony-of-competing-voices.html?_r=2&src=dayp&pagewanted=all

Now, why does it matter? Dr. Gazzaniga, the scientist behind right brain/left brain research, argues that ultimately, responsibility is a contract between two people rather than a property of the brain, and determinism has no meaning in this context. Further social constructs like good judgment and free will are even further removed, and trying to define them in terms of biological processes is, in the end, a "fool’s game."

So yes, learning responsibility is best done in a nurturing environment as are the meanings of good judgment and free will.

Thought this was interesting and that you might enjoy it.

Kathy

I Can "Out-Nice" You

As a pastor's spouse, one thing that we are all generally good at is being nice. Being nice smooths stormy seas and often opens the way to friendship. So what's wrong with that? Nothing, I'm all for us being nice to each other. The problem comes when its used one of two ways. The first way is to be passive-aggressive to cover anger to get our way. It's really being not nice in a "nice" way. The second way is more to my point. Being nice can also be used as a way to keep others at a distance and not really engage them. It just allows us to maintain the appearance of civility.

Did you see the TV news report about Claremont School of Theology on your local PBS station Tuesday night? Here's the link: ttp://www.pbs.org/newshour/bb/education/july-dec11/religioused_10-25.html.

Frankly, I'm not sure if Claremont is still a UM school. Recently the school has come under heavy criticism for promoting itself as an interfaith school. In fact the report did not say the word "seminary," but did tout Claremont as part of the University of California system. And perhaps there is something to be said about pastors getting their theological formation with other persons of other faiths training to become religious professionals.

During the report Najeeba Syeed-Miller talked about the need for authentic inter-faith dialogue as opposed to just "out-nicing" each other. That is, we need to find ways to work on our world's serious problems together--including religious bigotry and intolerance. And I buy that, but being nice has another side. It lets people co-exist long enough to also find things they might like about each other. And if you like a person, it's much easier to work with them.

So what do you think? Would you rather have the appearance of civility or no civility at all? Would you rather have authentic relationships or merely superficial relationships? Sorry, but I'd really like to have both.

Kathy

Who Is My Faith Community?

A pastor at one of the churches we've been visiting sent me a welcoming email saying "I hope you like our faith community." Now, in our search for a church following my husband's retirement, I kept saying to myself and telling friends, "I have to find a new church." Week after week after visiting six different churches and not feeling connected at any, I feel frustrated. I continue to tell myself, "I want to find a new church. I want to find a new church."

However, when I read the pastor's email that did not use the word "church," but "faith community," I realized that a faith community does not have to exist with the walls of a church. I remembered a song written years ago by Avery and Marsh, "I Am The Church," where a church is described as "the people" and "all who follow Jesus all around the world."

So the next day when I walked into the YMCA to swim, I saw the energetic young woman who teaches the Bible study I used to attend. She described an experience where her faith was tested and how God helped her through. I affirmed and encouraged her.

Then, after swimming I went to Target and saw a long ago friend, whose husband died last year, leaving with two teenagers to support. She explained how she was looking for a job but was unsuccessful. I told her I would pray for her and we exchanged email addresses to keep in closer touch.

A few days later, I was tutoring the teenager with whom I have worked since she was 8years old. I always ask when we conclude how I can pray for her, and she asks how she can pray for me. A fellow intercessor is always helpful.

As the week continued, I ran into people at the library, on a walk, again at Target, at a wedding, and various other places where I shared their joys and concerns, offering to pray. I gradually realized that I needed to change my perspective on "church," recognizing that I have a faith community wherever I go-- and interestingly, my frustration over finding a church ceased. I may be still searching for a church, but my faith community is all around.

God, thank you for opening my eyes to your where I can find those with whom I share a belief in you seemingly wherever I go. Amen.

Jacquie Reed, Fishers, Indiana

Seeing God

Late last week we had two friends who had heart catheterization. Fortunately neither had any problems. When I emailed the wife of one friend saying I was thankful for the good results, she emailed me back saying, "We were thankful God was with us." Her response awakened one of my frequent thoughts: "Would this friend feel that 'God was with us,' if the results revealed heart blockage requiring by-pass surgery?"

Fast forward to Sunday as we continued our search for a church. We ran into a former member of Mike's past church. She told us about her upcoming surgery for breast cancer. She concluded by saying, "I am seeing God so much over the past weeks, as I have dealt with the biopsy and then working out a plan of treatment."

I was taken by her words. Despite the anxiety involved in each process from discovery of the lump to treatment plan, she was able to acknowledge that "God is with me." I want to be like her, acknowledging God's presence, when life is smooth, as well as when there are challenges. Asking myself questions like, "Where Is God in what I am experiencing. I know God is with me, teach me, guide me, help me see you."

God you are in everything that happens. Help me see you in all that is in my life. Amen.

Jacquie

A Lesson in Humility

For this story you'll first need to know that my mother was in the hospital, seriously ill.

At the end of each Sunday's service, people are regularly invited to come to the altar to pray. And this Sunday was no different. So when this person came forward, he did so in the company of others. However this was a little different, because for several years our church had prayed this particular man through a series of legal issues that left him a convicted felon.

Sadly, he still wears his shame; and its weight makes him stoop and look far older than his years. Once very active in church, after his release it took many months of reassurance from many people that we wanted him to come back--as far as we were concerned, God had forgiven him as had those of us at church.

Then my husband signaled me that this person wanted me to pray for him. So I left the choir loft and walked to where he knelt, wondering why me. No one had ever asked me to come forward to pray. But I was glad he came forward and thought perhaps I could help him. However, imagine my surprise, when--while still kneeling--he said he wanted to pray for me and my mother.

So there we were--him still kneeling and me, standing over him with my hand on his head. And there he prayed for me. He had come to help me and my Mom. Time stood still and I'm really not sure what all he said, as I cried and felt the presence of God surround us.

Afterward, I stepped outside to regain my composure. What a lesson in humility. What confronted me was that in my pride, even with good intentions, I went to help him, instead of seeking to be a vessel of God's grace. But grace was poured out on us both.

When I retook my seat in the choir, someone thanked me because they had been praying for him too. What else could I say? "No, he prayed for me and my mother. Through him God helped me."

Grace, Kathy

Life Is not the Hightest Good

Dear Friends, While I truly believe that Christians should participate in their government, it makes me nervous when I see people proclaiming the Christian platform, the Christian political view, the Christian political party. This is probably because my views do not necessarily coincide with those of the "Christian Right," whatever that really means.

For most things, I do tend to be evangelical and conservative, but I am also pro-choice. And here is why. We seem to have forgotten in the past, but many girls died because of back-alley abortions. Should they have chosen to continue their unwanted or unsafe pregnancy? That is a different question. But in our civilized society, it is lawful to defend oneself even if it means killing. The right to self-defense is a cornerstone of our rule of law. And I can't help but believe that God is compassionate, loving, forgiving, and understands our motives. God gave us the instinct for self-preservation after all.

I won't even go into the issues surrounding when life begins. And I realize that my view is unpopular in many places. But I also see a growing insistence that life is always the right answer. Please know that in the Bible, life is not the highest good. The highest good is always God.

Sure, I'm for life; but I am also for freedom of choice. But even if someone chooses wrong or unwisely, that is their responsibility. And I think we can all agree that as a society, we want to promote that.

Grace, Kathy

The World Is God's Parish

Dear Friends, One of the joys of having a blog is being able to see who visits. It's not that you can tell the name or address of the actual visitor, that would violate privacy, but you can tell from what geographic region page viewers hail from. You might be interested to know that we have U.S. viewers but also visitors from Russia, India, France, Iran, China, Philippines, and some other countries.

So to these international folks, welcome. And we invite you to email us at spouseconnect@gmail.com if you'd like to contact us or write a post. I'm sure we would like to hear about ministry in your setting.

We each have an important Christian witness to share. And we are all members of the Body of Christ. So please let us hear from you. As usual, you can use your name or write anonymously.

Grace,
Kathy

You Just Never Can Tell

When my husband and I started out in ministry and I was still the youth director's girl friend, we worked (He was paid; I was strictly the volunteer help)at an urban church in a major city. The neighborhood was rough but loaded with kids. In fact the police told us that on those Friday nights when the church held its weekly teen dance, the crime rate was nil. And when one boy was asked why he could run so fast and jump so high, he said he kept in shape running from the cops.

While I have many fond memories of those times, I often wondered if we really made a difference. Were all those youth trips, prayer times, and visits to juvenile hall worth it? That is until through FaceBook one of those "youth" contacted us. It seems that she and a friend were coming to town for an event. Could we all get together? We found a time and met last week.

It was great to see her and we spent an hour reliving and revisiting. As we caught up, it became clear that yes, we had made a difference, at least to her. But of all the kids we hauled in our car and tried to nurture in the faith, I would not have thought she would have followed-up after all these years. I guess you just never know how God uses you. And I hope that all those kids know that I'd do it again gladly.

Grace, Kathy

No Grave Can Keep Me Down

Have you heard the song, “No Grave Can Keep Me Down.” Actually, I hadn’t until I heard All Things Considered on NPR yesterday. Here is the link, if you want to hear about Claude Ely and his influence on Rock and Roll.
http://www.npr.org/2011/05/05/136019632/a-nephews-quest-who-was-brother-claude-ely

But sometimes being held back can be a good thing.

Here is what holds me back: I just want us all to get along. I want us to be like the Church in Acts, praying and living in one accord. But there is always someone who is negative or who lashes out at innocent people. And as the pastor’s spouse, I can be an easy target.

A couple of years ago, a woman at our church told me how much she enjoyed the Creationist theme park in Kentucky. Wouldn’t I love to go? Having recently convicted myself about honesty, I said, “No.” To which she replied, “Why? You don’t believe in evolution, do you? And you do believe in the Bible, don’t you?”

Actually yes, I do believe in evolution. I was a zoology and chemistry in college. And no, I am not a literalist; but yes, I do believe the Bible, but maybe not “in” the Bible, at least in the same way she does.

Naturally, I didn’t want to offend her and start parsing distinctions that she wouldn’t buy. So I simply said, “No, the theme park is just not something that interests me.” With that, she looked at me like I was un-American, whereby I seized her hesitation and changed the subject. On the whole, I felt like a coward, but one who was at least not un-Christian in her eyes.

In a choice between standing up for my beliefs and putting a relationship at risk, I chose the relationship. Am I happy about what I said? No, I felt like a coward, but at least it didn’t escalate and civility prevailed. I’m not especially proud of my response, but over the years I learned that not all confrontations are worth having.

So I held back. But at a price. Was it worth it? Yes.

There will always be things that hold us back for better and for worse, but nothing can separate us from the love of God, neither life nor death...and you know the rest.

God’s love endures forever.

Grace, Kathy

Making a Good Retirement

Mike, my husband, is down to eight weeks until retirement. He is doing much better than I am with the change that is before us. I am really going to miss the people in the congregation. During the past fifteen years, we have grown close to so many families, watching children grow up, get married and then have their own children. Being part of graduations, marriages, baptisms, anniversaries, funerals, and other events that bring meaning to a family have wrapped our hearts in love.

We visited a few churches in our area, but no place seemed to draw us. Maybe we will need to leave our current church before we have energy to invest in another place.

Looking for a new church has also reflected the importance of being a friendly, welcoming church to visitors. A newly created position at church - connection coordinator - began last fall. The young woman hired for this ministry, is aware when visitors attend on Sunday morning. She asks them about their interests and sometimes by the end of the day, she has given their names to the individual concerned with a particular ministry.

One church we attended did connect me with a person in charge of new members. When I told her three different areas of ministry in which I was interested, she forwarded me the three emails she sent to the persons involved. That was a month ago, and I haven't heard anything.

I realize too that I have never had to reach out and find my own path - people always came to me and invited me to various parts of church life.

I was talking recently to a friend at the YMCA whose husband is one of the pastors at a Presbyterian church. Her husband is retiring in two years. Last year, the denomination had a pre-retirement two day retreat. Part of the time was spent dealing with financial aspects of retirement. In addition there were a couple of sessions for pastors and spouses discussing the emotional and spiritual components that retirement will bring.

Although the Indiana Conference has an annual required "Making A Good Move" day and a half program for those moving, there is nothing similar for those retiring. Maybe developing a one day event is something Mike and I can do in retirement.

Needless to say, I need to increase my faith and trust in God for what the future will hold.

God in times of change, help me remember that you are the constant, ever present, ever ready to help. Amen.

Jacquie Reed,
Fishers, Indiana

If Jesus is Lord of the living, why are there so many dying churches?

Ministry is tough. And at its roughest times, it can make us doubt the goodness of God. Why is the Body of Christ so unlike Jesus Christ?

Sin is an obvious answer, but that just sounds flippant and simplistic. While I may not doubt the goodness of God, sometimes I wonder at God's wisdom about giving us free will, except, of course, I would never want to give mine up.

So how do you understand and think about the Church as a body of imperfect believers? How do you account for the Christians who have a lukewarm faith? How do you really live and raise your children as "resident aliens," to quote a familiar phrase from Will Willimon and Stanley Hauerwas.

Lent is over. Easter has come. But why do so many dead churches remain?

Grace, Kathy

It's All Theology Anyway

The conventional wisdom is that lay people are not interested in theology. Perhaps they don't think in those terms, but many of their issues are just that--theological. And if they are active in mission, then they have even more occasion to think about what they believe and why. Not only that, but all churches have people who run the theological gamut in their beliefs. Just in my Sunday School class alone, we have folks who were raised or who are former members of the Catholic church, Lutheran church, Presbyterian church, Baptist church, no church, Korean Methodist church, United Methodist church, and another Baptist church. We even have an agnostic. In our church, the range is even broader. In fact, one of our best-loved Sunday School leaders is a Calvinist. She whole-heartily believes in double predestination and teaches from that perspective. While at first I was troubled that her theology was not Wesleyan, over the years, I have grown to appreciate her. Because while she talks like a Calvinist, she lives like a Wesleyan--extending God's grace to all. But her beliefs about predestination did come up in a coffee we had at our house last week. A friend who is visiting the church asked what we, as United Methodists, believe about that particular doctrine. When the discussion moved into the arena of grace, she suddenly said, "If predestination is true, then Jesus did not die for everyone." Bingo! She nailed it. Guess why she was visiting our church...because she was attracted to our church's mission and witness in the community. Don't know about you, but in my experience, when people are actively engaged in mission and sacrifice their time, talents, and money, they want to be able to stand firm and know what they believe. It is not enough to simple feel good doing good for others; people want to know that what they do in God's name really matters to God. And if that is not theology, then nothing is. Grace, Kathy

Loving God by Being Truly Present

Monday morning, I was preparing to pray, when the phone rang. I took a second wondering if I should answer, but I did. The caller was a pastor's spouse whom I have mentored over the past three years during a very difficult appointment. She was overjoyed to tell me that her husband was moving in June to a new church. I was thrilled and excited.

I listened as she described the parsonage and all of the many benefits that this new appointment would allow personally and professionally. However, I must say, that occasionally I kept thinking that I wasn't going to have time to complete my morning prayer time if I kept talking to her, because I had to leave my home by a certain time. I chastised myself for not being completely present to her. I also began to get restless, which is what I do when I am pressed for time. Thankfully, God took over and allowed me to give up my own agenda to offer myself completely to my friend. Of course, by the time we finished talking, I needed to leave. I missed my prayer time; but as I reflected later in the day, I would not have missed the opportunity to celebrate with my friend, to hear her answered prayer, and to rejoice with the potential for spiritual growth that the move will present.

Monday also reminded me of a day last summer when I was preparing to attend a weekly ecumenical Bible study at the YMCA, when the phone rang. Once again, I knew that if I answered, I would be late. Thankfully, I did answer, to find a friend of mine crying at the other end. She and I talked for as long as she needed, but just like last Monday, I kept thinking I really need to get to Bible study. Thankfully, God intervened and I continued listening. I took off for the Y when she finished. I missed most of the class, but I was glad to listen.

I later shared with the group about my experience saying, "I thought about telling my friend I couldn't talk to her because I had to get to Bible study so I could learn how to show God's love to all people in any circumstance." They appreciated the humor and reality of the situation.

My prayer today is "God, I want to be present to you. I want to be present to those with whom I call friend. "My prayer time" is as much sitting at a table, reading your word as being with those who are crying or celebrating. Amen.

Jacquie Reed
Fishers, Indiana