For United Methodists, May and early June mean one thing--Annual Conferences! Here in Tennessee, ours is going on right now, which means my husband is staying at his parents' house for a couple days to be closer to the host church, and I'm doing the single parent thing for a couple days!
Last year, my hubby was being commissioned, so I went just for the big commissioning/ordination service. I have yet to attend a spouse's luncheon--not really my thing--so this year I won't be going at all.
How about you?
Take this week's poll in the sidebar to declare whether you're going to conference or not, or just for an event or two. Or, if you're not United Methodist (this blog is for you too--we're just sensing a majority here!) share that instead!
Happy holy conferencing!
Showing posts with label polls. Show all posts
Showing posts with label polls. Show all posts
June 14, 2010
June 1, 2010
Not Just 9-to-5 (New Poll!)
Pastors work a lot. (Duh!) Much of that is behind the scenes, leading parishioners to ask that ever-annoying question "So what do you do the rest of the week?"
Last week's poll revealed that many of our spouses don't even take an official day off! 35% said "if they're in town, they're on duty!" Fortunately, 41% do take one day off a week for some much-needed relaxation and family time.
My husband and I took this past Sunday off, spending the night in a hotel after our friends' wedding Saturday night and attended worship the next day at a church of another denomination. It was a refreshing break! Sometimes, I really wish we could be a "normal" couple, going to church together at a place of our own choosing and able to leave town for the weekend on a whim without months of advance notice and preparation! Oh, what life might be like if my husband were a "9-to-5er" like me! 40 or so hours a week, at a specific location (not hospital rooms and coffeeshops all over town!)
Which leads me to the question, how many hours a week does your spouse work?
Do you even know? I would be hard-pressed to make an estimate! (which is why there is an IDK option!)
Take this week's poll in the sidebar and let everybody know!
Last week's poll revealed that many of our spouses don't even take an official day off! 35% said "if they're in town, they're on duty!" Fortunately, 41% do take one day off a week for some much-needed relaxation and family time.
My husband and I took this past Sunday off, spending the night in a hotel after our friends' wedding Saturday night and attended worship the next day at a church of another denomination. It was a refreshing break! Sometimes, I really wish we could be a "normal" couple, going to church together at a place of our own choosing and able to leave town for the weekend on a whim without months of advance notice and preparation! Oh, what life might be like if my husband were a "9-to-5er" like me! 40 or so hours a week, at a specific location (not hospital rooms and coffeeshops all over town!)
Which leads me to the question, how many hours a week does your spouse work?
Do you even know? I would be hard-pressed to make an estimate! (which is why there is an IDK option!)
Take this week's poll in the sidebar and let everybody know!
May 24, 2010
Gone Fishing (new poll!)
Last week's poll revealed that 41% of respondents "always or almost always" go to church when on vacation. It can certainly be nice to worship in a new place where you're not in charge, where you can get a fresh perspective, and maybe gain some new ideas for your own congregation.
It can also be nice (like the 25% who say they don't go to church on vacation) to enjoy a different Sunday routine from the usual, and to rest and recharge in ways that don't involve organized communal worship.
Either way, it's a given that we all need time to relax. For many people, that time comes around every week--it's called a weekend. But for our pastor-spouses spending at least part of Saturday and Sunday "on duty," they may not get even one full day "off" except when they go on vacation. I've heard of some churches that close their offices on Friday and Saturday, replicating somewhat of a "normal" weekend, just a day early. Other pastors take Monday off, much like a restaurant recuperating from a busy weekend of working so that others can "play." Some may not have any official "off-duty" time, seizing moments for relaxation wherever they fit in the schedule that week (or not).
How does your spouse do it? Two official days? One? None?
Answer the poll question in the right sidebar to let everyone know!
And in the comments, how do you feel about that? Is it enough time?
Disclaimer: I apologize to pastors' husbands out there for using "he" in the poll. Sometimes it can be cumbersome to say "he or she" or "s/he" and I opted to keep it simple!
It can also be nice (like the 25% who say they don't go to church on vacation) to enjoy a different Sunday routine from the usual, and to rest and recharge in ways that don't involve organized communal worship.
Either way, it's a given that we all need time to relax. For many people, that time comes around every week--it's called a weekend. But for our pastor-spouses spending at least part of Saturday and Sunday "on duty," they may not get even one full day "off" except when they go on vacation. I've heard of some churches that close their offices on Friday and Saturday, replicating somewhat of a "normal" weekend, just a day early. Other pastors take Monday off, much like a restaurant recuperating from a busy weekend of working so that others can "play." Some may not have any official "off-duty" time, seizing moments for relaxation wherever they fit in the schedule that week (or not).
How does your spouse do it? Two official days? One? None?
Answer the poll question in the right sidebar to let everyone know!
And in the comments, how do you feel about that? Is it enough time?
Disclaimer: I apologize to pastors' husbands out there for using "he" in the poll. Sometimes it can be cumbersome to say "he or she" or "s/he" and I opted to keep it simple!
May 17, 2010
Vacation Time! (new poll)
Last week's poll revealed that 52% of respondents do in fact sit alone during worship. (36% said they sit up front, which may explain why no one has joined them!) Joking aside, this does reflect the lonely state of some pastors' spouses as they are known by everyone and yet by no one.
My husband and I cherish the times when we have a guest preacher and he can come sit with me in the pew. We hold hands and share a whispered comment or two (inconspicuous, since I sit in the back!) and enjoy that rare opportunity to sit together in worship. We also cherish the even-rarer occasions when we go on vacation and Sunday can really be a sabbath to us, rather than a work-day.
Which brings me to today's poll, fitting as the weather gets warmer, schools let out for the summer, and the beach or mountains call to us...
Do you go to church when on vacation?
Jessica Miller Kelley is an editor in Nashville and blogs regularly at The Parsonage Family.
My husband and I cherish the times when we have a guest preacher and he can come sit with me in the pew. We hold hands and share a whispered comment or two (inconspicuous, since I sit in the back!) and enjoy that rare opportunity to sit together in worship. We also cherish the even-rarer occasions when we go on vacation and Sunday can really be a sabbath to us, rather than a work-day.
Which brings me to today's poll, fitting as the weather gets warmer, schools let out for the summer, and the beach or mountains call to us...
Do you go to church when on vacation?
Jessica Miller Kelley is an editor in Nashville and blogs regularly at The Parsonage Family.
May 12, 2010
Sitting Alone (New Poll!)
In last week's poll, we asked whether or not you have close friends in the church. While my own answer was fairly depressing, I was surprised and saddened to see how many ministry spouses (or pastors themselves, since this poll was not limited to spouses only) feel lonely and isolated.
Here were the results:
Do you have close friends in the church you serve?
20% Yes!
25% Yes, in previous churches, but not currently.
20% No, our close friends have never been part of our churches.
35% No, and as a result we have few close friends.
That means that 80% do not currently get to enjoy the experience of worshiping, studying, and serving with their close friends. 55% have never had that experience in ministry, and 35% have few close friends period.
There are many possible reasons for this--the transiency of pastorates, the demographics of the church, the authority issues (either congregants being intimidated by the pastor's family or the church feeling the pastor is their employee)--who knows?
An issue that a couple people commented on just happens to be an issue that has bothered me too--the issue of sitting alone in church. I haven't thought about it too much since my daughter was born, but when I was a childless woman whose husband was--of course--sitting up on the platform, I used to long every week for someone to invite me to sit with their family. Or to come sit with me if I had already sat down alone. Neither ever happened. Occasionally I took the initiative to sit with someone else (often a visitor) but I was often alone because the members never noticed--or realized the loneliness of--sitting alone in church.
What about you?
Who do you sit with in worship each week? Where do you sit? How do you decide where to sit?
This poll is "mark all that apply," so check multiple boxes to describe your plan of action when you walk through those sanctuary doors!
Here were the results:
Do you have close friends in the church you serve?
20% Yes!
25% Yes, in previous churches, but not currently.
20% No, our close friends have never been part of our churches.
35% No, and as a result we have few close friends.
That means that 80% do not currently get to enjoy the experience of worshiping, studying, and serving with their close friends. 55% have never had that experience in ministry, and 35% have few close friends period.
There are many possible reasons for this--the transiency of pastorates, the demographics of the church, the authority issues (either congregants being intimidated by the pastor's family or the church feeling the pastor is their employee)--who knows?
An issue that a couple people commented on just happens to be an issue that has bothered me too--the issue of sitting alone in church. I haven't thought about it too much since my daughter was born, but when I was a childless woman whose husband was--of course--sitting up on the platform, I used to long every week for someone to invite me to sit with their family. Or to come sit with me if I had already sat down alone. Neither ever happened. Occasionally I took the initiative to sit with someone else (often a visitor) but I was often alone because the members never noticed--or realized the loneliness of--sitting alone in church.
What about you?
Who do you sit with in worship each week? Where do you sit? How do you decide where to sit?
This poll is "mark all that apply," so check multiple boxes to describe your plan of action when you walk through those sanctuary doors!
May 6, 2010
Do you have close friends in the church? (New Poll)
You've read lately about clergy widow Faith and her experience following the death of her husband while serving a church. (Part 1 and Part 2) After her husband's death, Faith was surrounded and supported by many friends--some of whom she had grown close to while serving a previous church--but NO ONE from the church her husband served at the time of his death reached out to her at all. No meals, no notes, no help moving out of the parsonage. In that last ministry context, Faith was utterly alone.
Faith's story raises a serious issue faced by many clergy families: making friends with people in the congregation they serve, and not just being on friendly terms, but developing real relationships in which the pastor and spouse can be themselves, share thoughts openly and honestly, and find support for the struggles faced in ministry. How does one form close friendships with congregants when your spouse is in a unique position of authority, when everyone knows you will probably only be around a few years, etc?
I'll be honest--I do not have close friends in the church. My husband and I are young, and there are few young adults in the church. Our appointment is in a very different social context than what we are used to, and it required us to move an hour away from our friends, making it difficult to see one another regularly. It takes me years to develop close friends (both my best friend from college and from high school, I knew for three years before really considering us close friends), and it is difficult for me to invest emotionally in a temporary, transient context. My husband and I are each others' best friends (something I really treasure) but we do feel the absence of other support systems.
Take this week's poll and share about the close friendships you have developed in church. If you have (or had) close friends in the church, leave a comment sharing tips for developing such relationships. If not, this is safe space to share the hurt and reach out to others. I feel your pain and pray God will send a friend.
Jessica Miller Kelley blogs about her cute toddler and working motherhood at The Parsonage Family.
Faith's story raises a serious issue faced by many clergy families: making friends with people in the congregation they serve, and not just being on friendly terms, but developing real relationships in which the pastor and spouse can be themselves, share thoughts openly and honestly, and find support for the struggles faced in ministry. How does one form close friendships with congregants when your spouse is in a unique position of authority, when everyone knows you will probably only be around a few years, etc?
I'll be honest--I do not have close friends in the church. My husband and I are young, and there are few young adults in the church. Our appointment is in a very different social context than what we are used to, and it required us to move an hour away from our friends, making it difficult to see one another regularly. It takes me years to develop close friends (both my best friend from college and from high school, I knew for three years before really considering us close friends), and it is difficult for me to invest emotionally in a temporary, transient context. My husband and I are each others' best friends (something I really treasure) but we do feel the absence of other support systems.
Take this week's poll and share about the close friendships you have developed in church. If you have (or had) close friends in the church, leave a comment sharing tips for developing such relationships. If not, this is safe space to share the hurt and reach out to others. I feel your pain and pray God will send a friend.
Jessica Miller Kelley blogs about her cute toddler and working motherhood at The Parsonage Family.
April 26, 2010
Two for the Price of One? (New Poll)
Long gone are the days (in most churches, at least) where the congregation got "two leaders for the price of one"--the pastor they paid and the unpaid secretary the pastor was married to.
These days, most clergy spouses work outside the home (59% of wives and 87% of husbands, a 2009 survey of UM clergy spouses found). The leadership roles they do play in the congregation are generally unpaid and more or less equivalent to what any active layperson might do. There is a lot of talk about expectations placed on clergy spouses to teach Sunday school, sing in the choir, play the organ, or lead the UMW--but how much do we actually do?
I teach classes occasionally (a short-term Bible study or filling in for an absent Sunday school teacher) and sometimes help my husband serve communion (something we both enjoy and find meaningful) but overall, I don't do much. I try not to cave to pressures to even attend every event, much less lead them. I often say that my husband needs a secretary, but it's stressful enough on our marriage when I try to organize his personal life, much less his professional life!
What about you? Take the poll in the sidebar at right--the serious one and the more lighthearted one below it--and let everyone know what roles you play in your congregation. (Leave your "others" in the comments below!)
These days, most clergy spouses work outside the home (59% of wives and 87% of husbands, a 2009 survey of UM clergy spouses found). The leadership roles they do play in the congregation are generally unpaid and more or less equivalent to what any active layperson might do. There is a lot of talk about expectations placed on clergy spouses to teach Sunday school, sing in the choir, play the organ, or lead the UMW--but how much do we actually do?
I teach classes occasionally (a short-term Bible study or filling in for an absent Sunday school teacher) and sometimes help my husband serve communion (something we both enjoy and find meaningful) but overall, I don't do much. I try not to cave to pressures to even attend every event, much less lead them. I often say that my husband needs a secretary, but it's stressful enough on our marriage when I try to organize his personal life, much less his professional life!
What about you? Take the poll in the sidebar at right--the serious one and the more lighthearted one below it--and let everyone know what roles you play in your congregation. (Leave your "others" in the comments below!)
April 5, 2010
Ready to move a lot? (New Poll!)
"Ready to move a lot?"
That's the question an old professor of mine asked when she heard I was dating a man preparing for ministry in the United Methodist Church.
I didn't take her reference to the UMC's itinerant, circuit-riding pastor tradition seriously at the time. Three years into our marriage and first full-time appointment, I now understand that this is a major concern for many clergy families in the UMC. Some pastors retire with tenures at ten or more churches under their belt, and despite the common knowledge that long pastoral tenures are key to long-term growth and vitality in a congregation, there's still a whole lot of moving going on each year (in many cases, because the pastor has requested it).
I would ask how many churches your spouse has served or how many times you have moved, but that number really doesn't say much unless you know how long he or she has been in ministry. (Three churches in five years means something very different from three churches in a lifetime!) So, I'll phrase the question in a different way:
What is the average length of your tenure at each church you or your spouse have served?
Share your answer in the poll in the sidebar at right. (If you are reading this in a reader, you'll need to click over to the SpouseConnect site.) If you want to elaborate on your answer or this question in general, leave a comment!
That's the question an old professor of mine asked when she heard I was dating a man preparing for ministry in the United Methodist Church.
I didn't take her reference to the UMC's itinerant, circuit-riding pastor tradition seriously at the time. Three years into our marriage and first full-time appointment, I now understand that this is a major concern for many clergy families in the UMC. Some pastors retire with tenures at ten or more churches under their belt, and despite the common knowledge that long pastoral tenures are key to long-term growth and vitality in a congregation, there's still a whole lot of moving going on each year (in many cases, because the pastor has requested it).
I would ask how many churches your spouse has served or how many times you have moved, but that number really doesn't say much unless you know how long he or she has been in ministry. (Three churches in five years means something very different from three churches in a lifetime!) So, I'll phrase the question in a different way:
What is the average length of your tenure at each church you or your spouse have served?
Share your answer in the poll in the sidebar at right. (If you are reading this in a reader, you'll need to click over to the SpouseConnect site.) If you want to elaborate on your answer or this question in general, leave a comment!
March 4, 2010
Do you love Jesus but not the church? (new poll)
I've spoken with several people recently about the impact of being a ministry spouse (or a minister themselves) on one's personal faith.
For some, negative experiences in ministry have challenged their faith as they ask, "God, why would you call me/my spouse to this?" or "God, where are you in all this?" For some, a spiritual malaise has set in as they are unable to find spiritual nourishment in their current ministry setting and God feels very distant. For others, troubles in the church have brought pain but increased their reliance on God.
And for others, ministry is a wonderful, nourishing experience that has only strengthened their faith (I've heard they exist. ;0)
For me, I think I'd describe my faith with the words of the popular book They Like Jesus but Not the Church. I love God, I want to worship enthusiastically, I want to serve him and people everywhere, but it is seeming like all to often, the church has very little to do with those endeavors. And that disconnect causes me great distress.
Take the poll in the sidebar to share how your faith is affected. Positive, negative, or neutral? Feel free to elaborate in the comments.
For some, negative experiences in ministry have challenged their faith as they ask, "God, why would you call me/my spouse to this?" or "God, where are you in all this?" For some, a spiritual malaise has set in as they are unable to find spiritual nourishment in their current ministry setting and God feels very distant. For others, troubles in the church have brought pain but increased their reliance on God.
And for others, ministry is a wonderful, nourishing experience that has only strengthened their faith (I've heard they exist. ;0)
For me, I think I'd describe my faith with the words of the popular book They Like Jesus but Not the Church. I love God, I want to worship enthusiastically, I want to serve him and people everywhere, but it is seeming like all to often, the church has very little to do with those endeavors. And that disconnect causes me great distress.
Take the poll in the sidebar to share how your faith is affected. Positive, negative, or neutral? Feel free to elaborate in the comments.
February 19, 2010
New Poll--Lenten Sacrifice
A new poll is up!
What are you "giving up" for Lent?
Sweets? Coffee? An extra half hour of sleep?
Tell us by responding to the poll (and leaving a comment, if you need to clarify). Don't worry--anonymous blog-poll-taking doesn't count as "disfiguring your face"!
What are you "giving up" for Lent?
Sweets? Coffee? An extra half hour of sleep?
Tell us by responding to the poll (and leaving a comment, if you need to clarify). Don't worry--anonymous blog-poll-taking doesn't count as "disfiguring your face"!
December 31, 2009
New Year's Resolutions
2009 has been a joy-filled year for me. I had my first child in January, and the year was filled with wonderful moments and exciting milestones.
For the church, however (and thus my spouse's professional life), the year has been a challenging one. As my blog posts here indicate, I am generally pretty negative about church life, and (surprise, surprise) that attitude has not really helped the situation, for me or my spouse!
So, I'm resolving to be more positive in the new year. I'm not sure exactly what that will look like--especially since I place a high priority on being "real," and not hiding or burying one's emotions--but I am going to try to look for the positive in challenging church situations and people.
I am going to try not to indulge and nurture the negative attitudes that inevitably creep in. Do you know what I mean? Sometimes anger or frustration flares up quickly, but rather than relaxing and letting it pass, I dwell on it and fan the flame until it burns hot.
What about you? Are you making any resolutions for 2010? Any that affect your relationship with your spouse and the church?
Jessica Miller Kelley celebrates mommyhood and tries to "keep it real" at her blog, The Parsonage Family.
For the church, however (and thus my spouse's professional life), the year has been a challenging one. As my blog posts here indicate, I am generally pretty negative about church life, and (surprise, surprise) that attitude has not really helped the situation, for me or my spouse!
So, I'm resolving to be more positive in the new year. I'm not sure exactly what that will look like--especially since I place a high priority on being "real," and not hiding or burying one's emotions--but I am going to try to look for the positive in challenging church situations and people.
I am going to try not to indulge and nurture the negative attitudes that inevitably creep in. Do you know what I mean? Sometimes anger or frustration flares up quickly, but rather than relaxing and letting it pass, I dwell on it and fan the flame until it burns hot.
What about you? Are you making any resolutions for 2010? Any that affect your relationship with your spouse and the church?
Jessica Miller Kelley celebrates mommyhood and tries to "keep it real" at her blog, The Parsonage Family.
December 23, 2009
Christmas Eve ... and Adam
My friend's aunt has two Christmas teddy bears she sets out every year. A girl bear and a boy bear. The girl she named "Christmas Eve." The boy, then, had to be "Christmas Adam." Everyone knows Dec. 24 is Christmas Eve, but in my friend's house, Dec. 23 is Christmas Adam.
So today, on Christmas Adam, let's talk about Christmas Eve--services, that is! Dec. 24 is a work day for most of our spouses. To what extent does that affect your family's celebration? Is dinner squeezed in between 5:00 and 7:00 services, or do you have lots of family time before an 11:00 candlelight service?
Will you attend all of them, or just one? Or maybe none at all! Tell us by responding to the poll in the sidebar, and/or give the details by commenting.
Merry Christmas!
So today, on Christmas Adam, let's talk about Christmas Eve--services, that is! Dec. 24 is a work day for most of our spouses. To what extent does that affect your family's celebration? Is dinner squeezed in between 5:00 and 7:00 services, or do you have lots of family time before an 11:00 candlelight service?
Will you attend all of them, or just one? Or maybe none at all! Tell us by responding to the poll in the sidebar, and/or give the details by commenting.
Merry Christmas!
December 14, 2009
Christmas Poll!
Thanks to those who voted in our first poll, asking readers their role in relation to the church. We wanted to get an idea of who is dropping by SpouseConnect, and--as we suspected--most readers are women married to male pastors. A few are men married to female pastors, and just a couple visitors have been the pastors themselves or curious layfolk.
68% of respondents are pastors' wives
21% are pastors
5% are pastor's husbands
5% are laypersons
(yes, that totals 99%--there are fractions in there somewhere!)
Since we're well into Advent now, tell us: What sorts of gatherings and greetings are you participating in with your congregation? Do you host a party? "Make the rounds" to a bunch of Sunday school or small group parties? Send Christmas cards? You can select as many options as apply!
Also, if you have found a creative way to celebrate with your church members at Christmas or to protect your family-time during the holidays, leave a comment and tell us all about it!
68% of respondents are pastors' wives
21% are pastors
5% are pastor's husbands
5% are laypersons
(yes, that totals 99%--there are fractions in there somewhere!)
Since we're well into Advent now, tell us: What sorts of gatherings and greetings are you participating in with your congregation? Do you host a party? "Make the rounds" to a bunch of Sunday school or small group parties? Send Christmas cards? You can select as many options as apply!
Also, if you have found a creative way to celebrate with your church members at Christmas or to protect your family-time during the holidays, leave a comment and tell us all about it!
December 4, 2009
Prayers and Polls
We want to introduce a couple of regular features to SpouseConnect that will enhance our interaction and build our community as fellow ministry spouses and children of God.
First, Prayer Concerns. Please e-mail us at spouseconnect@gmail.com anytime with prayer concerns you would like to lift up in the SpouseConnect community. We will not include your name or your church's name unless you request it. We will compile all the concerns received each week to share in one post for this purpose each Friday.
These can be specific prayers for your family and your congregation, or any other needs you are aware of. Bearing one another's burdens is a huge part of why this site exists, and we can all use a good reminder to go to God in prayer for the concerns that spouses may or may not lift up in the larger congregational setting.
The second regular feature will be a poll, posted on the upper right side of the blog. This may not be as frequent or regular a feature as our weekly prayer concerns, but watch for new polls every so often so that we can express our opinions on various issues in a simple, statistical way. (If you subscribe in a Reader, click on over to the site in order to see and respond to the poll. A new post will announce when a new poll is up!)
Since we are a brand new site, let's see who else is here! Our first poll just asks whether you are a ministry wife, ministry husband, PK, etc. Just click on the appropriate circle and click "VOTE!"
First, Prayer Concerns. Please e-mail us at spouseconnect@gmail.com anytime with prayer concerns you would like to lift up in the SpouseConnect community. We will not include your name or your church's name unless you request it. We will compile all the concerns received each week to share in one post for this purpose each Friday.
These can be specific prayers for your family and your congregation, or any other needs you are aware of. Bearing one another's burdens is a huge part of why this site exists, and we can all use a good reminder to go to God in prayer for the concerns that spouses may or may not lift up in the larger congregational setting.
The second regular feature will be a poll, posted on the upper right side of the blog. This may not be as frequent or regular a feature as our weekly prayer concerns, but watch for new polls every so often so that we can express our opinions on various issues in a simple, statistical way. (If you subscribe in a Reader, click on over to the site in order to see and respond to the poll. A new post will announce when a new poll is up!)
Since we are a brand new site, let's see who else is here! Our first poll just asks whether you are a ministry wife, ministry husband, PK, etc. Just click on the appropriate circle and click "VOTE!"
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