A Little Child Will Lead Us (Again)

Last Saturday our church gave away free bottles of water as people stopped at the light in front of our church. Perhaps your church has done this too. But this was our first time, so we are in a learning mode.

Our church has a great location and is visible from a major road in our town, and we wanted to reach out to the more than 90% of our community that does not go to church anywhere. If your church is exploring its demographics, they are quite revealing. It's not that United Methodist are a minority, it's all Christian churches. And we, like many places, have a church on most every corner. Most of these unchurched folks will not come to us, so we figured that passing out free water would be a nonthreatening way to help people to at least notice. And who doesn't drink bottled water or like free?

As you might expect, many people were wary of (especially) men. Getting people to open their car windows and accept our gift was not easy. That is until a couple of small kids joined the group. It helps that they are cute. One is 6 and the other is 8, but their presence made all the difference. They stood with their mom and the boom began. People not only stopped but asked questions and thanked us. All the bottles were gone quickly.

Were our efforts successful? Yes, but with our children present and helping, the message was significantly different and more easier accepted. Jesus was right. Little children do lead us.

If your church is looking to find ways to reach out to the 90% who are unchurched, giving away bottled water is a good way to start. But  including children will not only help your efforts, but they will inspire the rest of your congregation.

How are things going in your church? In what ways is your church serving and helping to usher in the Kingdom?

Grace, Kathy

Attract Families to Your Church and Keep Them Coming Back

Every church needs this new book by Linda Ranson Jacobs! This book comes out May 1 and is for every pastor, every children's and family minister, and every Sunday School teacher.

Make your church family friendly. Navigate through the changing tides in ministry and become a church that families want to attend.  Reach out to all kinds of families: two-parent families with children, blended families, boomerang families, adult children of divorce and their families or lack of families, single adults whose family is the church, grandparents parenting again, childless families, co-habitation families, and children with three legal parents. 

This book gives practical helps and suggestions for ministries, worship, small groups, and even facilities. Author and family expert Linda Ranson Jacobs will help you to create a welcoming place for everyone.

Buy it here:

 http://www.cokesbury.com/forms/search.aspx?ddlSearchScope=&txtSearchQuery=9781426774300

Here is what churches have to provide to attract today's families:
1. A strong children's ministry that caters to the individual needs of their child.
2. A safe place for their children.
3. A place that meets the adult's need for spiritual growth.
4. A place where adults and children feel loved and accepted.

Contents
1. The Church That Might Have Been
2. What Parents Want
3. Taking a Page out of the Book of Nehemiah
4. Creating a Family-Friendly Church for Single-Parent Families
5. Nontraditional Families Are the New Normal
6. Other Common Family Structures
7. Looks Count and So Do Church Attitudes
8. Keeping the Family in Family Ministry
9. Electronic Steeples: Social Media and the Digital World
10. Making Worship Family Friendly
11. What to Do with Those Challenging Kids
12. More Help Attracting Families to Your Church

Linda Ranson Jacobs is a popular church consultant, author, trainer, program developer, and a family expert who regularly writes and speaks to church leaders throughout the United States. Linda is the developer of HLP4 (Healthy, Loving, Partnerships For), a website for single parents and those working with single parents, the creator of DC4K, (DivorceCare for Kids), and a contributing developer of the H.E.R.O.E.S. CARE Project, (Homefront Enabling Relationships, Opportunities, and Empowerment through Support).

I kid you not, your church will benefit from this book. Costs under $12.
Kathy

Great Mission Opportunity

Perhaps you've already heard of the Shoebox Ministry also known as Operation Christmas Child sponsored by Samaritans Purse, started and organized by Franklin Graham. You can check it out by going to this link:
http://www.samaritanspurse.org/what-we-do/operation-christmas-child/

This ministry involves collecting and sending items to children--some in this country and others across the world--and putting the items in a shoebox. You may ask: why talk about this now? Christmas is long gone.

Our church has participated in this ministry for about 4 years. The main reason is that this ministry ignited passion in one of our members. The first year our church did do this shortly before Christmas and we completed about 50 boxes. This past year our church member started earlier and we sent over 180 boxes. Someone even donated a large amount of money for soccer balls, and we found a way to package them too. Now it's a year-round effort. Kids not only receive toys, tooth bushes, flashlights with extra batteries, but Samaritans Purse also sends materials to teach kids about the love of Christ. The boxes from our church are just now headed toward their destination. Kids will receive them in March.

Sure it feels good to send something tangible to children in need, but this ministry has also helped create a spirit of generosity in our church and helped motivate and inspire our kids, even the very young children. Before the boxes are completed, a person writes a note to the child who will receive the box, then each box is prayed over. There are just so many stories of how our children have written and prayed for kids they'll never even meet. Sometimes the child receiving the box responds with a written thank-you. These letters are great gifts for our children.

If you are looking for a way to get your church involved in outreach, this is a simply way to start. The benefits will extend far beyond what you'll believe possible.

Grace, Kathy

The new year is underway but some things remain the same.

While this story doesn't surprise me, it's still pretty sad.

This story is about an otherwise healthy church that strives to live out its biblical mandate to be the family of God. One my friends noticed that several active families left their church for no apparent reason, at least from the pastor's point of view. Although my friend was told that there were reasons, she wasn't free to say what they were. The pastor called these families and was told that their children had friends going to another church and just preferred that one. While the stories sounded lame, we all know that people leave a church for less.

Time went by when it was discovered that one of the volunteer staff had made a serious error in judgement. It was in no way unlawful, but it was a dumb and potentially dangerous mistake. As a result, some parents had concerns for their children, which, when the pastor found out, made perfect sense. From the volunteer's point of view, it was all a big misunderstanding. But some of the families involved just left the church; and when asked by the pastor about why they left, they clearly did not tell the whole truth.

What absolutely floors me is that these parents never said a word to the pastor or even the lay leadership. They just left. Not facing an issue and running away is bad enough when it's just about your kids, but they left knowing that other kids might be affected too. In my mind, this is not how the family of God should operate.

So while I still believe that the volunteer did something unwise, I have no sympathy for the families that left the church as a result. They left turning their backs on the rest of their church family. They decided to take the easy way out and say nothing.

How did the pastor finally find out? My friend said that the pastor found out by accident. One of the children mentioned it in passing. No adult (and there were other adults present when the incident occurred) came forward. I guess they thought it would all magically go away.

Here is a case where a mistake that could have been easily handled was blown out of proportion, resulting in secrets, lies, and evidence of bad character by a lot of folks. How should the family of God, the body of Christ act? Certainly not like this.

Grace, Kathy

You Know You Have a Child-Friendly, Healthy Church When...

This past Sunday no acolytes showed up to light the candles at the worship service. Sometimes this just happens and it happens in all churches. People don't show up, but life goes on. In our church acolytes are kids from the third to sixth grade, and they receive extensive training. It's a big deal to be an acolyte. And this Sunday something truly remarkable happened.

But first you must know that in addition to lighting the candles on the altar before the service and extinguishing them afterward, another part of the acolytes' job is to hand out the offering plates before the prayer, and then walk behind the ushers, collecting the attendance registration pads. When there are no acolytes, the liturgist just fills in and hands the ushers the offering plates.

But this Sunday there was a young boy sitting in the second row. When he saw that there were no acolytes to hand out the offering plates, he got up, went to the altar, and gave the plates to the ushers. It was a spontaneous gesture and he carried the job off flawlessly. There was no hesitation. He slipped in so quickly that nobody seemed to notice. The ushers took the plates and the service went on.

I was so impressed that the boy felt free enough to just step forward unbidden. These aren't many adults who would do the same. I wasn't the only one touched. I saw several others tear up too, because we know this boy.

I'm so thankful that our church is the kind of place where children take an active role. It speaks to the overall health of the church that when there is a need, someone just steps up--not with a lot of fanfare but just because the job needs to be done.

To me this also says something about being a Christian. When there is a job to do, a Christian is the kind of person who just helps out--no criticism, no expectation of praise, just a willingness to do the work of God.

Grace, Kathy

When Laws Are Unjust

In this morning's paper there is a story about a 6 year-old who is being sent to live with his biological parents. According to the article, the mother was a teen when she gave birth and signed the legal documents giving up custody. She has never seen or supported the child. The biological father never signed anything, but he did file suit for custody about 5 years ago, but never acted on it until now. He has never seen the child at all nor offered any support. The child has been living with his "parents" since he was 4 days old and considers them his Mom and Dad. Up until this point, he has been a well adjusted and happy kid living a normal life with people he loves and who love him.

Enter the judge and the court system. The judge believes he is upholding the law, no doubt, but sending the child to live with his biological parents. But in this case, what is in the best interest for the child? Is this a case where the law and strict adherence to it is unjust and immoral? While we might question what is happening with this child, there is no doubt that he will be traumatized and injured as a result of living 6 of his formative years with loving people only to be sent to live with strangers who may or may not love him. He is bonded to his currently family, and psychology suggests that he will never completely bond with these other people. It's been too long and he is too old now.

We in the church can turn to what Paul says about the Law. Paul was speaking of religious law and tradition, but what he says also applies to civil law. In the church we must be careful to make sure that the form of our laws and traditions fit with the spirit of Christ, who is the fulfillment of the Law. And when we see laws that are unjust or immoral, we, as citizens, must speak up and act to change things.

When we say we want to transform the world, this is one way the world needs Christ's transformation.

Grace, Kathy

What do we tell the children about death and dying?

Many of us have had to explain death and dying to a child. If we are fortunate, the first time might be when the goldfish dies. But, as recently happened at our church, we have to talk about why their friend's daddy died. Face it, clergy kids are around death a lot. Here is a new book that will help.

What Do We Tell the Children? Talking to Kids about Death and Dying

(ISBN 978-1-4267-6049-5)

http://www.cokesbury.com/forms/ProductDetail.aspx?pid=1190527&rank=1&txtSearchQuery=9781426760495

 One out of seven children will lose a parent before they are 20. The statistics are sobering, but they also call for preparedness. However, adults are often at a loss when dealing with a grieving child. Talking to adults about death and grief is difficult; it's all the more challenging to talk to children and teens. The stakes are high: grieving children are high-risk for substance abuse, promiscuity, depression, isolation, and suicide. Yet, despite this, most of these kids grow-up to be normal or exceptional adults. But their chance to become healthy adults increases with the support of a loving community. Supporting grieving children requires open-communication and patience. Rather than avoid all conversations on death or pretend like it never happened, normalizing grief and offering support requires us to be in-tune with kids through dialogue as they grapple with questions of “how” and “why.” When listening to children in grief, we often have to embrace the mystery, offer love and compassion, and stick with the basics.

Author: Joseph M. Primo is Executive Director of Good Grief, Inc. in Morristown and Princeton, New Jersey, and President of The National Alliance for Grieving Children. A graduate of Yale Divinity School and a former hospice chaplain, Primo is an author and blogger for the New Jersey Star-Ledger. He has appeared on CNN and FOX as a grief advocate.

"The stories Primo tells are compelling and filled with many teachable moments about life and death. The book is encouraging for parents and others fearful of "doing it wrong" or (scarier still!) "having already done it wrong!" A must read for anyone caring for the grieving."  

̶ Kate Braestrup, New York Times Best-Selling Author of Here If You Need Me

"This wonderfully sensitive book is full of illustrative stories and gentle wisdom."
 ̶ Kenneth J. Doka, The College of New Rochelle; Senior Consultant, The Hospice Foundation of America 

"As a practicing physician and teacher, I recommend What Do We Tell the Children?"
̶ Scott Long, Yale University School of Medicine and Physician at The Connecticut Hospice

"This book is about the power of love and about overcoming our own anxiety, so that we can offer grieving children our compassionate presence and steady support as they create meaning in their own way and at their own pace.   
̶ Deborah van Deusen Hunsinger, Princeton Theological Seminary."

"Joseph Primo’s book should be given to every military household who has lost someone."
̶ Michael Anthony, Iraq War veteran and author of Mass Casualties: A Young Medic’s True Story of Death, Deception, and Dishonor in Iraq 

Being an Encourager

This past week, I took my young son to one of his karate classes just like I do every week. But on this particular day, the class was unusually small (only 7 kids). So the sensei decided to have the kids practice a particular set of skills one at a time and have the rest of the group comment on their technique. He gave two simple instructions. After the student was finished doing their skills, each of the other students could choose to say something positive that they did well or give a suggestion on how they could improve. Well my son is a very analytic child, and so he waited and watched each child take their turn and strategically chose to go last. I could only assume it was because he got the benefit of learning from the mistakes of those that went before him. When class was over and we were driving home, he asked why the other students only pointed out what he did wrong instead of saying something nice about what he did well. I did not want his feelings to be hurt, so I simply said they just wanted him to be able to do his best.

Later I was thinking about his question to me and it got me thinking. Why do we find it so much easier to point out the faults of others instead of building each other up? Think about that for a minute. How often do you criticize or pass judgement on others when what we should be doing is offering encouragement and sharing God's love? I think many times it comes from a place of insecurity inside us and finding the faults in others makes us feel better about ourselves. But when you meditate on the fact that we are created in God's image and through Jesus we are new creations, you can find wholeness and peace and let those insecurities slip away.

So how do we do it? How can we be encouraged, and how do we become encouragers? True encouragement grows out of a deep faith-walk with God and one another. It requires our time and selfless devotion. It seeks to lift up and heal, helping others grow closer to God, so they can press on in their faith and be better suited for serving in God’s kingdom. There are dozens of Bible verses that train us to be encouragers. May these sampling of Scriptures encourage you today!
 
Jesus, our Hope, encourages us. (Heb. 6:18, 2 Thess. 2:17)
Salvation encourages us. (1 Thess. 5:8-11)
The Holy Spirit encourages us. (Acts 9:31)
The faith of others encourages us. (Acts 11:23, 28:15, Ro. 1:12, Phil. 1:14, 1 Thess. 3:7)
Fellowship with believers encourages us. (Phil. 2:1, Heb. 10:25)
The truth of Scripture encourages us. (1 Co. 14:31, Phil. 1:14, Tim. 4:2-5, Titus 1:9)
Serving God encourages us. (2 Chron. 35:2)
Anticipating the Lord’s coming encourages us. (1 Thess. 4:18)

Lisa

Superhero Up, Up, and Away

Every Sunday morning my husband begins the service by having the congregation repeat our mission, which is: "Making disciples of Jesus Christ to transform the world." It's taken a while, but everybody knows what we are about as a church--even the children.

It seems that one of little boys in the congregation got a superhero doll for his birthday a couple of weeks ago. And his mother overheard him say to the action figure as he held it up to the sky: "And what is your mission? Making disciples of Jesus Christ to transform the world. Now, up, up, and away!"

My husband shared the story with the congregation and everybody smiled and laughed. But the point was made. "Train up a child in the way they should go and they will return to it."

Train up a congregation in the way we should go and we will begin to orientate our daily lives around our mission and ministry.

As we begin a New Year, I've resolved to live out that mission with more intentionality.

What is your mission for the new year?

Grace, Kathy

Helping Families with Autism in Your Church

Autism is becoming a more frequent and nuanced diagnosis. We have had several autistic kids and adults in our churches over the years, but I am certainly no expert. But if you do need expert help either as a parent or concerned friend, check out Ellen Notbohm's website. www.ellennotbohm.com  She's written several helpful books and sends out a monthly newsletter.

Currently our church has autistic kids in several grade levels. Like all children, no two are alike and some have more needs than others. But because some of our teachers now have the type of experience these kids need, more special needs families are coming to our church. The kids are great and have a chance to be in an accepting, loving environment with kids of their own age. It's a lesson in compassion for everybody. This is a good thing.

Grace, Kathy

A Delicate Issue of Inclusion

The annual clergy spouse weekend retreat for the Indiana Conference concluded today. The event went smoothly except for one thing--a young clergy spouse brought her six month-old baby, whom she was still nursing and was promptly asked to return home, because of the baby.

Fortunately, a retired member of the event offered to care for the infant, so that this mother could attend the lectures, discussions, and participate in meals.

Many clergy spouses were upset that this young woman was asked to leave.

Other comments included, "The baby is a distraction." "Even if she takes the baby into the hall, the noise he makes is still a distraction to the program."

The conference wants to encourage all spouses to come, but an infant appearing, the first time in many years, took everyone off guard.

The retreat planning committee meets in a few weeks to discuss this year's event, and to get ideas for next year. I wonder, how do other conferences handle mothers who need to bring infants? Any suggestions are welcome. Thank you!!!!

Jacquie Reed
Fishers, Indiana

Need Help or Information about Autism?

If you want information for you and/or your church about children with Autism, you will want to check out Ellen Notbohm. She is the author of the best-selling book, Ten Things Every Child with Autism Wishes You Knew. Here is her web address:
http://www.ellennotbohm.com/

You might also want to subscribe to her free newsletter that is available when you go to her site.

Kathy

Growing a Healthy Mission-Oriented Church

How do you grow your church? As you know, there are about a million books on the subject. But the one thing that these books don't talk about is that a healthy clergy family is a key ingredient. Why?

Dan Dick's research shows that the sicker the church, the more hours the pastor puts in. So if a pastor's family is not healthy enough to survive the stress of back-breaking hours of work at/for the church, pastors will surely fail at their efforts to grow the church. When one parent is away, at work, or otherwise committed, it takes extra effort from the other spouse. If one parent is busy visiting, evangelizing, meeting, administrating, comforting, appearing in court for a wayward church member, the other parent has to take up the slack with the children--their homework, their busy schedules, their daily wants and needs. And since most spouses also work, that means that the spouse has to be healthy enough to meet most or all of the family demands, because there always has to be a parent on-call.

The pastor's spouse has to take up the slack when the demands of the church tax the pastor. But the family, not just spouse, has to have effective (healthy) ways to process and solve their own troubles and conflicts. Too much conflict at home, means that the pastor cannot be as effective at church. This does not mean that the clergy family is supposed to sweep their problems under the rug and not deal with them--most kids I know won't tolerate that anyway for long. But it does mean that when family trials come, the family has to have enough resilience to handle their problems without spilling over into an already demanding church situation.

But be aware, if the church is toxic, the church sickness can easily effect the clergy family, unless the pastor and the family are differentiated from the church family. So spouses need to remind the pastor that their family is not an merely an extension of the church family.

One way to keep healthy clergy families is for the pastor and spouse to keep their priorities straight and make some decisions up front and then clearly communicate those decisions to their family but also to the church. What is most important when? What counts as an emergency? Will the pastor always take a call from a family member, even if in the middle of a meeting or counseling session? Under what circumstance will the parent (no matter which one)leave work to attend to a child? Likewise, what constitutes a church emergency when the pastor may have to pick up and leave immediately?

If you want to grow a healthy mission-oriented church, the pastor's family is essential to make that happen.

Grace, Kathy

Make a Good Move with Facebook

The Indiana Annual Conference concluded two weeks ago Saturday. "Three Simple Rules for Social Media"-social media guidelines for Indiana United Methodists--was a handout given to clergy, lay delegates, and clergy spouses. The three rules are "Do No Harm," "Do Good," and "Stay in Love with God." Sound familiar? These are adapted from Wesley's rules for living. A description of each rule,as well as a set of questions to ask related to the rule,were listed.

I am aware of difficulties that Facebook can bring with pastors posting comments or opinions that are inappropriate. But I am a member of Facebook because there is a private link to Indiana clergy spouses available only through Facebook. I never post anything, but often offer comments. I have noticed over the past six weeks that clergy spouses are posting almost daily about the challenges of moving. Now appointments in Indiana begin July 1, so as you can guess, families are busy getting ready.

I have read the full range of emotions related to relocation. Many express anxiety and fear. The logistics of packing, especially with young children, is a popular topic. Sadness about leaving a beloved congregation, reluctance to start over, making new friends--all of the concerns that were prevalent thirty-seven years ago when my husband started ministry, are still relevant today.

However, one of the opportunities that Facebook allows, is to give others a chance to respond. I have read words of love and encouragement, prayers offered, shared experiences with positive results, and many others. Facebook postings allow others to share in the experience that others are having. I have also noted spouses offering to connect with other spouses who are moving into the same district even before the move occurs. Facebook can break-down some of the isolation and anxiety that has characterized moving. I read animated and loving comments--sometimes eight or nine or ten responses of encouragement or comments to one posting.

I am thankful for the way Facebook is allowing clergy spouses in the Indiana Conference--and perhaps others too--to feel connected and supported by other spouses who may or may not be moving in ways not possible years ago.

Prayer: Thank you God for advances in communication that enable your people in ministry to express feelings, joys and concerns, as moving approaches; and for the opportunity these advances also offer for those of us who read their postings to respond with prayer and other means of support. We are connected in many ways, and social media opens new ways to be united in service.

Jacquie Reed
Fishers, Indiana

Pastor Will Not Offer Confirmation

Had a disturbing conversation this morning. It seems that the pastor of my friend's church has decided not to hold confirmation class for the children of this church. I was beyond shocked. Here's the background. The church is a small-membership church and has about 8 children in all. Of these, however, 5-6 are confirmation age--6th grade and up. While the pastor has promised to offer confirmation, he has not done so and has made no effort to see that these children receive instruction for church membership, despite being specifically asked.

I don't know about you, but to me this should be a chargeable offense for clergy. Statistics tell us that if children are not confirmed, the chance of them ever becoming active church members is great diminished. In other words, this pastor is actually pushing these children away from the church.

Not only that, but this little church really wants to grow in ministry and in numbers. It wants to pay 100% of its apportionment's--and does. It wants to be a station church again, but none of these things will ever happen if the pastor and leadership don't act.

There is just so much more that good preaching that goes into being a pastor. Care for the congregation--visiting, equipping, educating--also play a major role. We wonder why small churches struggle. Could this a reason? Where is the DS? How does the bishops' Call to Action address this?

Kathy