About one third of us move each year, at least in my conference. Here are some ways you can help make the next parsonage family transition smoothly.
1. Well before the move, meet with the new family and get to know them. Then show them the parsonage. Also be prepared if they don't like some of the things you love about the house.
2. If the family is new to town, leave a list of important phone numbers, for example, the trash pick-up people, the nearest grocery, where to get the best coffee, where to go eat after church on Sunday, etc.
3. Make sure you leave the warranty info and directions to the various appliances.
4. Say positive things about the family to the church folks. Share some of their interests and different ways they can connect with the congregation.
5. Leave the parsonage clean when you leave, but know that the church folks will probably clean, paint, etc. after you go. Some churches use the time between parsonage families to do repairs and spruce things up.
Saying good bye can be hard, but we all want the next family to make a great first impression. You can help make that happen.
Grace,
Kathy
Showing posts with label appointment process. Show all posts
Showing posts with label appointment process. Show all posts
May 16, 2014
What Does Success Look Like in the Church?
Several years ago, I was chair of the conference spouses' retreat committee. As we surveyed folks to find their interests, someone gave me a hand-written note. The person requested that the main speaker be someone whose spouse had failed in ministry, someone who had not successfully climbed the church corporate ladder, someone who had landed and whose ministry had remained in a small-membership church. The person felt she couldn't relate to someone who was "successful" in ministry.
As I thought about the request and the mix of wives (predominately) who attended the retreat, it began to make sense. And it wasn't a pretty picture. Some of these wives really felt that their spouses had been passed by and passed over. They felt that after sacrificing so much, they were relegated to the list of failures, those without leadership qualities or future opportunities. I almost cried and it seemed unfair.
So what counts for success in the local church? Is it the church size and salary? We may say "no,' but when our conference had a bishop who didn't pay attention to appointing clergy advance up the line to larger and larger churches, there was consternation from all sides. So our lips say "no," but our actions say "yes." Who wants their salary cut $10,000 to $20,000? And that happened to some. Then we also had some whose salary increased by the same amount.
We all know that some ministry happens best in small churches. And it better, because about 70-80% of our churches are small. But surely this can't mean that 80% of our pastors are failures if they don't move beyond a small-membership church.
While churches of all sizes have their burdens, the small church definitively does, especially if it is dying. In part, because as the church dies, so does part of the pastor's soul. And pastors and spouses tire out from doing CPR all the time, 24/7.
So what can we do? We can try to change of definition of what constitutes success, but like any platitude, that's too easy. We need our bishops and DSs be more supportive and quit shooting its wounded or perceived wounded clergy. We need to stop blaming pastors and start offering life-support, personally and professionally. We need to pay for pastors so that they can afford to take a sabbatical. A sabbatical shouldn't only be a luxury for a mega-church pastor. We need to stop wringing our hands about money and saying ad nausium that the UMC is dying. Who wants to serve a dying church? (I believe there is a book by that title.) We need to invest in Healthy Congregations. We need to invest in our clergy and stop treating them as though they are the problem.
What can we do? A lot. But it will take all of us.
Grace, Kathy
As I thought about the request and the mix of wives (predominately) who attended the retreat, it began to make sense. And it wasn't a pretty picture. Some of these wives really felt that their spouses had been passed by and passed over. They felt that after sacrificing so much, they were relegated to the list of failures, those without leadership qualities or future opportunities. I almost cried and it seemed unfair.
So what counts for success in the local church? Is it the church size and salary? We may say "no,' but when our conference had a bishop who didn't pay attention to appointing clergy advance up the line to larger and larger churches, there was consternation from all sides. So our lips say "no," but our actions say "yes." Who wants their salary cut $10,000 to $20,000? And that happened to some. Then we also had some whose salary increased by the same amount.
We all know that some ministry happens best in small churches. And it better, because about 70-80% of our churches are small. But surely this can't mean that 80% of our pastors are failures if they don't move beyond a small-membership church.
While churches of all sizes have their burdens, the small church definitively does, especially if it is dying. In part, because as the church dies, so does part of the pastor's soul. And pastors and spouses tire out from doing CPR all the time, 24/7.
So what can we do? We can try to change of definition of what constitutes success, but like any platitude, that's too easy. We need our bishops and DSs be more supportive and quit shooting its wounded or perceived wounded clergy. We need to stop blaming pastors and start offering life-support, personally and professionally. We need to pay for pastors so that they can afford to take a sabbatical. A sabbatical shouldn't only be a luxury for a mega-church pastor. We need to stop wringing our hands about money and saying ad nausium that the UMC is dying. Who wants to serve a dying church? (I believe there is a book by that title.) We need to invest in Healthy Congregations. We need to invest in our clergy and stop treating them as though they are the problem.
What can we do? A lot. But it will take all of us.
Grace, Kathy
April 14, 2014
When Is the Church not the Body of Christ?
We are all familiar with Paul's letter, First Corinthians, which tells us that "You (you plural) are the body of Christ." And sometimes the Church does act like the Body of Christ. But like Israel went astray, chasing after false gods, so can the Church. The Church is meant to be active in the world, helping reconcile its people to God. But all to often, it becomes self-preoccupied and not only forgets its mission, but forgets whose mission it is anyway. It's not our mission but God's. The Church is only a means God can use to offer people salvation--healing and wholeness.
Too often, the Church gets caught up in its own organization and committees. When that happens, the Church takes its eyes off God and thus opens itself up for temptation to follow something or someone else, whether it is a self-proclaimed guru who promises success or the shiny god of a particular political ideology.
In our conference appointments are finished. And there is nothing that speaks to the human character of the Church like this process of sending pastors, despite the fact that Cabinets often fret and stew over them. Sometimes bishops and Cabinets have to make painful decisions that they know will hurt the pastor and/or the pastor's family--for the "good" of the Church.
As we approach Holy Week, let's remember what the Church is called to be and what we as individual Christians are called to do. Let us, at least for this week, keep our eyes on Jesus.
Grace, Kathy
Too often, the Church gets caught up in its own organization and committees. When that happens, the Church takes its eyes off God and thus opens itself up for temptation to follow something or someone else, whether it is a self-proclaimed guru who promises success or the shiny god of a particular political ideology.
In our conference appointments are finished. And there is nothing that speaks to the human character of the Church like this process of sending pastors, despite the fact that Cabinets often fret and stew over them. Sometimes bishops and Cabinets have to make painful decisions that they know will hurt the pastor and/or the pastor's family--for the "good" of the Church.
As we approach Holy Week, let's remember what the Church is called to be and what we as individual Christians are called to do. Let us, at least for this week, keep our eyes on Jesus.
Grace, Kathy
April 1, 2014
Wisdom for Appointment Time
Let's be in prayer for all involved in the appointment process. But as I thought about the difficult and all-too-painful results, this story from Judges came to mind. It was comforting somehow.
Judges 9:10-15
Once the trees went out to anoint a king over themselves, so they said to the olive tree, "Be our king." But the olive tree replied to them, "Should I stop producing my oil, which is how gods and humans are honored, so that I can go to sway over the trees?"
So the tree said to the fig tree, "You come and be king over us!" The fig tree replied to them, "Should I stop producing my sweetness and my delicious fruit, so that I can go to sway over the trees?"
Then the trees said to the vine, "You come and be king over us!" But the vine replied to them, "Should I stop providing my wine that makes gods and humans happy, so that I can go to away over the trees?"
Finally, all the trees said to the thornbush, "You come and be king over us.!" And the thornbush replied to the trees. "If you're acting faithfully in anointing me king over you, come and take shelter in my shade, but if not, let fire come out of the thornbush and burn up the cedars of Lebanon.
Grace, Kathy
Judges 9:10-15
Once the trees went out to anoint a king over themselves, so they said to the olive tree, "Be our king." But the olive tree replied to them, "Should I stop producing my oil, which is how gods and humans are honored, so that I can go to sway over the trees?"
So the tree said to the fig tree, "You come and be king over us!" The fig tree replied to them, "Should I stop producing my sweetness and my delicious fruit, so that I can go to sway over the trees?"
Then the trees said to the vine, "You come and be king over us!" But the vine replied to them, "Should I stop providing my wine that makes gods and humans happy, so that I can go to away over the trees?"
Finally, all the trees said to the thornbush, "You come and be king over us.!" And the thornbush replied to the trees. "If you're acting faithfully in anointing me king over you, come and take shelter in my shade, but if not, let fire come out of the thornbush and burn up the cedars of Lebanon.
Grace, Kathy
August 28, 2013
Simple and Kind Gestures of Hospitality
A few years ago, a group of clergy spouse friends who live within a twenty mile radius of each other decided to form a book group. We meet monthly for dinner and discussion--our August meeting was earlier this week.
One spouse, whose husband received a new appointment in July said to me, 'I've had something happen to me at this new church that I've never experienced."
I was really curious and replied, "What happened?"
She replied, "Every Sunday someone in the church (about 900 in the congregation) comes and sits with me. I like that gesture so much."
I remember a few anxieties during those first few Sundays in a new church. One was that I would sit in 'someone's pew' (we know how people are about 'their pew'). Another was sitting by myself. Gradually, as I got to know people, I sat with someone, however, I never had anyone come, and ask to join me.
My friend appreciated this simple gesture which conveyed welcome, hospitality, and great kindness.
What other ways have churches conveyed welcome and hospitality during those early months of a new appointment?
Jacquie Reed
Fishers, Indiana
One spouse, whose husband received a new appointment in July said to me, 'I've had something happen to me at this new church that I've never experienced."
I was really curious and replied, "What happened?"
She replied, "Every Sunday someone in the church (about 900 in the congregation) comes and sits with me. I like that gesture so much."
I remember a few anxieties during those first few Sundays in a new church. One was that I would sit in 'someone's pew' (we know how people are about 'their pew'). Another was sitting by myself. Gradually, as I got to know people, I sat with someone, however, I never had anyone come, and ask to join me.
My friend appreciated this simple gesture which conveyed welcome, hospitality, and great kindness.
What other ways have churches conveyed welcome and hospitality during those early months of a new appointment?
Jacquie Reed
Fishers, Indiana
June 25, 2013
First Sunday at a New Church
As many transition to new churches, please know that there are spouses who are praying for you.
Going to a new church can be difficult because the congregation may still be grieving the loss of the former pastor and the parsonage family. But there will also be many who were ready for a pastoral change and will welcome you with open arms.
In every congregation there are people who were close to the previous pastor and family and some of these people will continue their relationship. It's not that they don't want you, it's just that they may have had a special affinity for the previous family. In our case, there have been people in every congregation that we have kept in touch with over the years. I treasure these friendships. These friends have been with us through difficult times and we have seen each other's kids grow up. But this is not to say that this interferes with their relationship with their current pastor.Their pastor is still their pastor. And frankly, it is often easier to be friends after we leave their church.
So I hope that those of you who are moving meeting some new friends and get off to a great start.
When the church is at its best, it really becomes the Body of Christ.
Grace, Kathy
Going to a new church can be difficult because the congregation may still be grieving the loss of the former pastor and the parsonage family. But there will also be many who were ready for a pastoral change and will welcome you with open arms.
In every congregation there are people who were close to the previous pastor and family and some of these people will continue their relationship. It's not that they don't want you, it's just that they may have had a special affinity for the previous family. In our case, there have been people in every congregation that we have kept in touch with over the years. I treasure these friendships. These friends have been with us through difficult times and we have seen each other's kids grow up. But this is not to say that this interferes with their relationship with their current pastor.Their pastor is still their pastor. And frankly, it is often easier to be friends after we leave their church.
So I hope that those of you who are moving meeting some new friends and get off to a great start.
When the church is at its best, it really becomes the Body of Christ.
Grace, Kathy
June 20, 2013
For Our DSs and Their Spouses
Just as many pastors are moving to new local churches, there are also changes for DSs and their spouses. Here is an opportunity to welcome and begin new relationships with these traveling elders and their spouses and families.
To New DSs:
First, welcome to our district. We realize that you have an impossible job and are pulled in many directions all at once, so in some ways your new job is still like serving a local church. We want to make your job as easy as possible.
Second, remember that folks in the local church really have no idea what you do. In fact some may even think that you've left the ministry altogether.
Third, we hope you will remain the servant leader you've always been and won't let the new power go to your head. And personally, I hope you won't starting running for bishop.
Fourth, while we all realize that DSs are necessary and are here to help keep the church and pastors accountable in a helpful way, please remember how ambivalent pastors and laity are about church hierarchy. It's not personal.
To New DS Spouses:
First, welcome to our district. We realize that you have a new role. And if you are a male DS spouse, you are still breaking new ground. We also hope that you find a local church where you feel comfortable and at home.
Second, remember that folks in the local church have no idea what your spouse does and many church folk don't see themselves are part of anything except the local church. They may not even care about the denomination and, as you may know, they won't know UM lingo; and you may not either.
Third, and this may come as a surprise or shock, but other minister spouses may see you as a person who will advocate for them. Historically, this has been a role of the DS and bishop's spouse. As you know, we spouses and our families do not have an official voice and are often the collateral damage of denominational politics, so we might look to you for support. If you are a male spouse, please know that you have a part to play and are a role model.
Fourth, please keep your spouse on the straight and narrow, but also please make sure they take care of themselves, you, and your family, because they have an impossible and often thankless job.
Grace, Kathy
To New DSs:
First, welcome to our district. We realize that you have an impossible job and are pulled in many directions all at once, so in some ways your new job is still like serving a local church. We want to make your job as easy as possible.
Second, remember that folks in the local church really have no idea what you do. In fact some may even think that you've left the ministry altogether.
Third, we hope you will remain the servant leader you've always been and won't let the new power go to your head. And personally, I hope you won't starting running for bishop.
Fourth, while we all realize that DSs are necessary and are here to help keep the church and pastors accountable in a helpful way, please remember how ambivalent pastors and laity are about church hierarchy. It's not personal.
To New DS Spouses:
First, welcome to our district. We realize that you have a new role. And if you are a male DS spouse, you are still breaking new ground. We also hope that you find a local church where you feel comfortable and at home.
Second, remember that folks in the local church have no idea what your spouse does and many church folk don't see themselves are part of anything except the local church. They may not even care about the denomination and, as you may know, they won't know UM lingo; and you may not either.
Third, and this may come as a surprise or shock, but other minister spouses may see you as a person who will advocate for them. Historically, this has been a role of the DS and bishop's spouse. As you know, we spouses and our families do not have an official voice and are often the collateral damage of denominational politics, so we might look to you for support. If you are a male spouse, please know that you have a part to play and are a role model.
Fourth, please keep your spouse on the straight and narrow, but also please make sure they take care of themselves, you, and your family, because they have an impossible and often thankless job.
Grace, Kathy
May 7, 2013
Making a Good Move
Each year the Indiana Annual Conference holds a mandatory program for all pastors and spouses who are moving. Our bishop, Mike Coyner, leads the two day session. Bishop Coyner meets with clergy and spouses for part of the first afternoon. Then, two other spouses and myself, take the spouses for a separate time of gathering.
We begin with a reflection, then introductions. The rest of our time together is guided by the following questions:
1. Where are you currently living? Where are you moving?
2. How do you feel about the move?
3. What adjustments do you anticipate as you and your family settle into the new home and congregation?
4. If you have children, how old are they, and how are they responding to the move?
5. How has the current clergy family helped prepare you or your congregation for your coming?
We are intentional about making sure each person has an opportunity to talk. We finish by reviewing these suggestions offered to make a move go smoothly.
1. Intentionally continue whatever you do to stay connected to God. Even if you have to shorten the time usually spent reading the Bible or resting in silence or prayer, the daily grounding you receive will be a reminder of God's presence.
2. Keep a routine as much as possible, especially if children are involved. A routine can offer structure when there is chaos all around.
3. Recognize that moving involves grief for you, and the congregations you serve and will serve. There are breaks in meaningful relationships. Anger, sadness, disappointment, fear, anxiety, as well as excitement are often present. Realize these responses are normal and allow time to work through those that occur. Several months of grieving may occur.
4. Be patient with yourself. Adjustments take time. Learning how to navigate streets or how to get to church or making connections for yourself and your children, locating a doctor, dentist, a school, a job, the grocery store, the library, cannot be accomplished in one day. Celebrate small steps you make each day.
5. Share feelings about the move with your spouse/children so you can support each other.
6. Stay in touch with persons in the congregation or community with whom you feel close. Email, facebook, and other ways of electronic communication enable persons to stay connected much better than in the past.
7. Invite friends to your new church, house/parsonage, and community. Seeing familiar faces after a move can be uplifting.
8. Clean the parsonage thoroughly before leaving.
9. Recognize there are stages in life that are more difficult to move than others.
10. Take time to become acquainted/familiar with persons/ministries in the new church as you decide where to serve and when to begin.
11. Exercise regularly. A YMCA or fitness center can offer fun ways to manage stress associated with a move as well as a place to meet new people. If finances are limited, a walk is refreshing...and free.
12. Establish a new routine to add familiarity and structure in new surroundings.
13. Consider welcoming the new minister's family by leaving a note to greet them in the parsonage. Provide basic information/directions to important places such as the grocery store, pharmacy, and a couple of restaurants. If the incoming family has children, offer them to see the parsonage or to attend Bible School (if Bible School is in June, moves in the Indiana conference are effective July 1.)
The Make A Good Move program is on Friday, May 17. I am looking forward to meeting the new group of persons who are moving.
Jacquie Reed (with Julie Pimlott), Fishers, Indiana, and Greensburg, Indiana
March 27, 2013
Itineracy as a Spiritual Discipline
Many years ago (1976) when my husband, Mike, received his first appointment after completing seminary at Duke, we knew we would live in many places. We accepted the reality of moving every few years. We knew that God was with us wherever we landed. We were aware that God would mold us and grow us closer to God and to each other as we developed relationships with people in each church and
We never questioned a move. We accepted itineracy as part of ministry. We sought God for strength and courage with each church.
I hear a lot of discussion with seminary students, clergy and clergy spouses, who want to put 'guidelines' on itineracy and what he/she will accept in an appointment. Some of these restrictions are related to a spouse's employment, a child's grade in school, or various other factors. I often want to say, "Trusting God is part of an appointment. God will provide as needed. Every appointment provides a place to increase faith and dependency on God."
Twice during Mike's years of service, I had opportunities for professional advancement. One job I had to decline, because we were moving. The other job, in a different town, I sought for six years. Finally, there was an opening, for which I applied and was hired. We found out we were moving three months into the job. I was, of course, disappointed, as was Mike. However I trusted and had faith that God would provide employment in the new community. Shortly after we moved, I received a new position , which combined aspects of the job I had to decline and the job I had to leave. I was so grateful.
Last week I met with a dear friend whose husband is a district superintendent in the Indiana Conference. (The North and South Conferences merged a few years ago.) She explained that during a recent seminary visit, her husband spoke with students about itineracy as a spiritual discipline--interesting thought.
Spiritual disciplines are various practices that can increase faith and trust in God, as well as expand or open one's heart to the possibilities of growth and opportunity to love and serve in the kingdom. I am so thankful for the way my walk with God has developed each place we've lived. I cannot imagine declining or limiting an opportunity to see how God can act and provide. I left each church Mike pastored a different person--closer to God and deeper knowledge of myself.
I completely agree with my friend's husband. Perhaps itineracy needs to be added to the list of spiritual disciplines that can draw us closer to God. Jesus' ministry was itinerant. However, times are different than in 1976 when Mike began. What remains the same, however, is the importance of seeking God for all needs--for trusting God at all times--and having faith that God WILL provide no matter where one lives.
Jacquie Reed
Fishers, Indiana
March 14, 2013
Things to Ask When Meeting with a New Church
Families all over the UM connection are in the middle of the appointment season. Often times, there is an opportunity for you to meet the Staff/Pastor Parish Relations Committee with your pastor spouse. before the appointment is finalized as part of the consultation process. While everybody wants to make a good first impression, hopefully, you can also come away with helpful information.
Just remember to smile and be as relaxed as possible. Show them that you're glad to be there, even if you're not. Remember people take only about 30 seconds to create a first impression. So be the best self you can be.
While the SPRC/PPRC will want to look you (pastor and spouse) over, they will also want you to like them. They will be eager, most times, to want you to be a good match for their church. So finding common ground is always a good start. What do you have in common? Be interested in them and listen. If they loved their old pastor, they will still be grieving loss. But, at least in the UM system, moving pastors is just part of church life and they know that too. If they were happy to see their old pastor leave, just beware. The problem might not have been the pastor; it might be them. Still, the first meeting is an intricate dance. Praying before you go, while you are there, and after you leave is a good idea.
But you might also need some specific information, like who to contact for help moving and getting settled into the new community should you end up going to that church.
It's also a good time to evaluate their hospitality. How hospitable are they to strangers (you)? Chances are they'll treat you at least as well as other strangers. Hopefully, they will be kind and gracious people.
Despite having moved several times, I've only gone with my husband for this first meeting one time. They graciously asked me along. Their graciousness was indicative of them and continues to be. When we moved into the parsonage, it had been cleaned and they had even left some flowers and food in the refrigerator. There was a new phone book and all the keys to the house. It was a good move to a loving church. I pray your move goes as well.
Grace, Kathy
Just remember to smile and be as relaxed as possible. Show them that you're glad to be there, even if you're not. Remember people take only about 30 seconds to create a first impression. So be the best self you can be.
While the SPRC/PPRC will want to look you (pastor and spouse) over, they will also want you to like them. They will be eager, most times, to want you to be a good match for their church. So finding common ground is always a good start. What do you have in common? Be interested in them and listen. If they loved their old pastor, they will still be grieving loss. But, at least in the UM system, moving pastors is just part of church life and they know that too. If they were happy to see their old pastor leave, just beware. The problem might not have been the pastor; it might be them. Still, the first meeting is an intricate dance. Praying before you go, while you are there, and after you leave is a good idea.
But you might also need some specific information, like who to contact for help moving and getting settled into the new community should you end up going to that church.
It's also a good time to evaluate their hospitality. How hospitable are they to strangers (you)? Chances are they'll treat you at least as well as other strangers. Hopefully, they will be kind and gracious people.
Despite having moved several times, I've only gone with my husband for this first meeting one time. They graciously asked me along. Their graciousness was indicative of them and continues to be. When we moved into the parsonage, it had been cleaned and they had even left some flowers and food in the refrigerator. There was a new phone book and all the keys to the house. It was a good move to a loving church. I pray your move goes as well.
Grace, Kathy
February 18, 2013
Moving from Another Perspective
I had an experience this morning in church that never happened in the 40 years I've known my husband, Mike, a recently retired pastor. The staff-parish chairperson announced that one of the three pastors, Peter, will have a new appointment beginning July 1. Although I found out about this change a few days ago, I was surprised at my emotion when I saw Peter and his wife, Allison, drinking coffee before the service.
I am still new into "having a pastor." Mike and I had Peter and his wife, Allison, in our home many times for dinner. We love this young couple. Mike and Peter enjoyed wonderful conversations on various topics related to ministry. Allison was active in the clergy-spouse group in the conference so I saw her at meetings and events, not only on Sunday morning. Peter has been particularly helpful and insightful, meeting with me following the recent deaths of my parents. Mike and I have spent time with Peter, talking about his passions in ministry.
Peter was assigned to the church the same year Mike retired. We started attending the church, shortly after Peter began his ministry. I expected Peter's appointment to extend many years, as he is just now beginning to get several programs solidly grounded and flourishing. I was so disappointed to learn that Peter and Allison were re-assigned.
So, this morning I received a new perspective on pastoral appointments. I was always the one "moving on," often with sadness and the desire to stay longer. Now I know how a member of the congregation feels when a beloved pastor leaves.Through the years, I always had tears when our move was announced. This morning, I had a few tears when Peter's move was announced. I am thankful that we will have a few more months, when we can have Peter and Allison for dinner and discussion. Fortunately, facebook and other electronic media will enable us to keep in touch. I will miss Peter and how he brought God to me.
Jacquie Reed
Fishers, Indiana
I am still new into "having a pastor." Mike and I had Peter and his wife, Allison, in our home many times for dinner. We love this young couple. Mike and Peter enjoyed wonderful conversations on various topics related to ministry. Allison was active in the clergy-spouse group in the conference so I saw her at meetings and events, not only on Sunday morning. Peter has been particularly helpful and insightful, meeting with me following the recent deaths of my parents. Mike and I have spent time with Peter, talking about his passions in ministry.
Peter was assigned to the church the same year Mike retired. We started attending the church, shortly after Peter began his ministry. I expected Peter's appointment to extend many years, as he is just now beginning to get several programs solidly grounded and flourishing. I was so disappointed to learn that Peter and Allison were re-assigned.
So, this morning I received a new perspective on pastoral appointments. I was always the one "moving on," often with sadness and the desire to stay longer. Now I know how a member of the congregation feels when a beloved pastor leaves.Through the years, I always had tears when our move was announced. This morning, I had a few tears when Peter's move was announced. I am thankful that we will have a few more months, when we can have Peter and Allison for dinner and discussion. Fortunately, facebook and other electronic media will enable us to keep in touch. I will miss Peter and how he brought God to me.
Jacquie Reed
Fishers, Indiana
February 14, 2013
Preparing the Way for the Next Clergy Family
If you are part of a United Methodist clergy family,
this is probably the time of year when you start getting nervous. Is this the
year when the district superintendent is going to call and tell us it’s time to
move? If you’re from another
denomination you might be feeling the pull of the Holy Spirit or a call from
another congregation saying that it’s time to move. Some of you have already gotten the news or
made the decision that it is time to move and are starting to prepare
yourselves – talking to your children about moving, beginning to grieve over
pulling up roots, feeling relieved that the time to say goodbye to a difficult
congregation is near. And then there is
the work of getting your household ready to pack – sorting through clothes,
furniture, dishes, cds, and the junk drawer so you can decide what really need
to go to the next parsonage and what is just dead weight. You’re probably also starting to wonder who
the people are that make up your next congregation. Will they treat my pastor spouse with care
and respect? Will they accept me and our
children? Are they going to have
assumptions about what I am supposed to do as the clergy spouse? All this preparing, packing, and wondering
adds stress to what can already be a demanding life.
One of the ways we as a clergy spouse community can
support one another through the stress of moving is to help our congregations
prepare for the new clergy family. In
most cases we have the ear of the congregation and can find ways to help them
understand what their new clergy family is going through. We can talk about how they will need time to
settle in and make their own choices about how much or little they are able to
be involved in the congregation. If the
new family has children, we can talk to the children of the church to let them
know a new friend will be moving to the church. We can invite the clergy spouse and children to come to the parsonage
before they move so they can begin to vision how to best settle into their new
home. In our most recent move, I left a
note to the new clergy family welcoming them to the community, and included a
map that showed how to get to popular restaurants, grocery stores, and places
of entertainment.
You probably have other, even better ideas of how we
can help one another as we transition from one home and ministry to the
next. If you have an idea, please feel
free to share here. If helping to
welcome the next clergy family seems like too much extra work in the midst of
the craziness of packing, I can tell you from firsthand experience that this
kind of hospitality is one of the best moving gifts my family has ever received. You are in a position to give a gift that
nobody else can give, and your small efforts can make a major difference for
our clergy spouse community.
Julie
Consultation and the Appointment Process
As you may know, there is supposed to be a consultation process linked to how appointments are made. Perhaps the consultation varies depending on which conference you are in, but in our conference here is the process, at least in the past. The PPR/SPRC meet at the beginning of the year and vote whether or not to ask for the pastor to be reappointed or they can ask for a new pastor. As with all good Methodist bureaucratic practice, the committee has a form to fill out. Likewise the pastor has a form on which he/she checks: stay, move, or either. The pastor also meets with the DS sometime during the year. In our case, it usually seems to be well before the SPRC meets. Sometimes the spouses are invited, but I've never gone. One reason is that I think my husband can represent our family interests well enough.
But this year we have a new bishop, so I assume that the process is different because of that. But it seems that this year the pastor does not fill out the form about whether or not to move. I asked my spouse exactly what this meant, but it was unclear. But I certainly hope it does not mean that the pastor has no voice in the decision about whether or not to move. I would find it highly offensive if the judgement of the pastor, who is the leader of the church, was ignored.
From what I've heard from friends, the consultation process varies depending on the DS. Sometimes there is little to none and sometimes there is more than enough. The capriciousness disagrees with responsible leadership, at least to me.
But if the pastor's voice is ignored, disregarded, or even discounted in favor of the church's, it only shows how little respect the DSs and bishops have for their clergy. Over the years, I've seen the collegiality between pastors erode. This just seems an added step in that direction. This is the part of church life that I seriously dislike. Our denominational leadership may wonder why there is so little trust by the clergy toward the system; here is but another reason.
We'll see. In our conference it seems that our new bishop is cleaning house. I hope he doesn't sweep away any chance of improving the morale of clergy and clergy families.
Grace, Kathy
But this year we have a new bishop, so I assume that the process is different because of that. But it seems that this year the pastor does not fill out the form about whether or not to move. I asked my spouse exactly what this meant, but it was unclear. But I certainly hope it does not mean that the pastor has no voice in the decision about whether or not to move. I would find it highly offensive if the judgement of the pastor, who is the leader of the church, was ignored.
From what I've heard from friends, the consultation process varies depending on the DS. Sometimes there is little to none and sometimes there is more than enough. The capriciousness disagrees with responsible leadership, at least to me.
But if the pastor's voice is ignored, disregarded, or even discounted in favor of the church's, it only shows how little respect the DSs and bishops have for their clergy. Over the years, I've seen the collegiality between pastors erode. This just seems an added step in that direction. This is the part of church life that I seriously dislike. Our denominational leadership may wonder why there is so little trust by the clergy toward the system; here is but another reason.
We'll see. In our conference it seems that our new bishop is cleaning house. I hope he doesn't sweep away any chance of improving the morale of clergy and clergy families.
Grace, Kathy
January 11, 2013
Appointment Time Decisions
Do we stay or do we go? Do we even get a choice?
Across the connection Staff Parish Relations Committees and Pastor Parish Relations Committees are meeting in this annual ritual to evaluate and vote about what the church wants to do with the pastor--keep or send packing.
This certainly can be a stressful time for clergy families. I know that one of my kids once said that she felt that even she was being sized up during these times.
At our current church, things are going well; so I've chosen not to worry about it. But in times past, when I had a definite opinion about either staying or leaving, I wasn't as nonchalant.
I have seen SPRCs be sensitive to the clergy family needs and others who really don't care much. I've seen SPRCs be helpful to the congregation and others who have sabotaged the congregation's wishes. I wouldn't say it is a crap shoot, but it sometimes feels that way. Through the process, I've seen helpful DSs and jealous, power hungry ones.
I had another spouse tell me that if pastors have a difficult time with the SPRC, it's their own fault, because they select committee members. I love this person, but she is naive at this point.The Church is a very human institution despite also being a vehicle for God's grace. And the appointment process is very imperfect. If you are looking for me to say that "Even if the process is imperfect, it's the best we can do under the circumstances," I can't. The process is imperfect but surely we can do better--and a good dose of prayer with some humility wouldn't hurt either.
So, please know that I am praying for you. And I invite you to pray as well that we embody God's love during, what can be, difficult times.
Grace, Kathy
Across the connection Staff Parish Relations Committees and Pastor Parish Relations Committees are meeting in this annual ritual to evaluate and vote about what the church wants to do with the pastor--keep or send packing.
This certainly can be a stressful time for clergy families. I know that one of my kids once said that she felt that even she was being sized up during these times.
At our current church, things are going well; so I've chosen not to worry about it. But in times past, when I had a definite opinion about either staying or leaving, I wasn't as nonchalant.
I have seen SPRCs be sensitive to the clergy family needs and others who really don't care much. I've seen SPRCs be helpful to the congregation and others who have sabotaged the congregation's wishes. I wouldn't say it is a crap shoot, but it sometimes feels that way. Through the process, I've seen helpful DSs and jealous, power hungry ones.
I had another spouse tell me that if pastors have a difficult time with the SPRC, it's their own fault, because they select committee members. I love this person, but she is naive at this point.The Church is a very human institution despite also being a vehicle for God's grace. And the appointment process is very imperfect. If you are looking for me to say that "Even if the process is imperfect, it's the best we can do under the circumstances," I can't. The process is imperfect but surely we can do better--and a good dose of prayer with some humility wouldn't hurt either.
So, please know that I am praying for you. And I invite you to pray as well that we embody God's love during, what can be, difficult times.
Grace, Kathy
October 30, 2012
Guaranteed Appointment Upheld
The Judicial Council of The United Methodist Church has upheld the guaranteed appointment. Below is from the article from the online UM Reporter.
...the church’s Judicial Council, meeting Oct. 24-27 in Elk Grove Village, ruled that the General Conference action was in violation of the church’s constitution.
Security of appointment “has long been a part of the tradition of The United Methodist Church” and “abolishing security of appointment would destroy our historic plan for itinerant superintendency,” the nine-member court said in Decision 1226.
The General Conference action was in violation of the church’s third and fourth Restrictive Rules, which ban changes that would destroy that historic plan and do away with clergy rights to a trial and appeal, respectively, the court said. That right to trial and fair process is “absolute,” the ruling states, and it has been upheld repeatedly in previous decisions.
‘Itinerancy is the cornerstone’
Frederick K. Brewington, the General Conference delegate who had asked that the matter be referred to the Judicial Council, argued in favor of overturning the legislation during an Oct. 24 oral hearing before the court.
“Itinerancy is the cornerstone of the whole structure,” said Brewington, a lawyer and lay member in the New York Annual (regional) Conference. “This action shifts power from the annual conference to the episcopacy. There would no longer be a need to bring charges against an elder, just fail to appoint them.
“Elders make a contract, a covenant, to serve where the bishop sends them,” Brewington said. “This turns things into a mish-mosh — and that’s not a legal term. It will take away our ability to attract new and young clergy, who will go elsewhere.”
Kathy
...the church’s Judicial Council, meeting Oct. 24-27 in Elk Grove Village, ruled that the General Conference action was in violation of the church’s constitution.
Security of appointment “has long been a part of the tradition of The United Methodist Church” and “abolishing security of appointment would destroy our historic plan for itinerant superintendency,” the nine-member court said in Decision 1226.
The General Conference action was in violation of the church’s third and fourth Restrictive Rules, which ban changes that would destroy that historic plan and do away with clergy rights to a trial and appeal, respectively, the court said. That right to trial and fair process is “absolute,” the ruling states, and it has been upheld repeatedly in previous decisions.
‘Itinerancy is the cornerstone’
Frederick K. Brewington, the General Conference delegate who had asked that the matter be referred to the Judicial Council, argued in favor of overturning the legislation during an Oct. 24 oral hearing before the court.
“Itinerancy is the cornerstone of the whole structure,” said Brewington, a lawyer and lay member in the New York Annual (regional) Conference. “This action shifts power from the annual conference to the episcopacy. There would no longer be a need to bring charges against an elder, just fail to appoint them.
“Elders make a contract, a covenant, to serve where the bishop sends them,” Brewington said. “This turns things into a mish-mosh — and that’s not a legal term. It will take away our ability to attract new and young clergy, who will go elsewhere.”
Kathy
October 25, 2012
Who mentors clergy/spouses young in ministry?
I spend each Tuesday volunteering as a chaplain at one of the Indiana University Hospitals fairly close to my house. Today I was walking through the lobby and saw one of Mike's (my husband)former district superintendents, Paul, and his wife, Mary. I was so glad to see them. They are getting close to eighty, but remain active in church, community, and family interests.
Paul was Mike's superintendent from 1981-1983. We brought them a meal when they moved. We were in their house numerous times for dinner, along with other clergy and their spouses. Paul and Mary came to our house too. Our friendship with them was close, like family. Paul mentored Mike and the other pastors in the district. Mary mentored spouses with warmth, and genuine care. We were so blessed to be in their district.
I wish clergy/spouses young in ministry could be mentored the way Paul and Mary did for us. They were integral parts of our growth in self, in God, and in ministry. My heart aches when I listen to spouses who have no one to walk alongside in close and meaningful ways. Our districts are so large now, geographically, that there are assistant district superintendents who help the district superintendent. Administrative tasks have increased. Ministry is so much more complex than in the early eighties.
The gracious hospitality that Mike and I received from district superintendents and their spouses the first twenty years in ministry was such a grounding for the future.
How do other conferences nurture clergy/spouses young in ministry?
Jacquie
Paul was Mike's superintendent from 1981-1983. We brought them a meal when they moved. We were in their house numerous times for dinner, along with other clergy and their spouses. Paul and Mary came to our house too. Our friendship with them was close, like family. Paul mentored Mike and the other pastors in the district. Mary mentored spouses with warmth, and genuine care. We were so blessed to be in their district.
I wish clergy/spouses young in ministry could be mentored the way Paul and Mary did for us. They were integral parts of our growth in self, in God, and in ministry. My heart aches when I listen to spouses who have no one to walk alongside in close and meaningful ways. Our districts are so large now, geographically, that there are assistant district superintendents who help the district superintendent. Administrative tasks have increased. Ministry is so much more complex than in the early eighties.
The gracious hospitality that Mike and I received from district superintendents and their spouses the first twenty years in ministry was such a grounding for the future.
How do other conferences nurture clergy/spouses young in ministry?
Jacquie
October 18, 2012
Call to Action: Is Anyone Listening?
Dear Friends, As you may know many dollars, hours, and a lot of ink has been split over the UM Call to Action. Recently the final report was issued. I urge you to read this closely. Do you agree? Is the report specific enough? Do you see this affecting you? What changes do you suggest? Does the report restate what you already know? What is new in the Call?
In my opinion, this report could have been written 30 years ago. In fact, much of it has been repeated for at least that long with no better results. I pray for the growth of the Kingdom, but there are still too many vested interests for real change in the UMC to occur. And as long as we look to our structure to solve problems or for the hierarchy to change, we will remain only issuing calls.
Here is an extended quote from the report:
We affirm:
That the local “charge” or congregation is the primary venue for making disciples. We believe there is an urgent need for redirecting significant leadership, time, and money toward the adaptive challenge of building and supporting United Methodist people and their witness on the ground and, in particular, working to increase and sustain the number of vital congregations.
This can be accomplished by:
1.Creating clear expectations and metrics for all leaders
2.Creating a non-residential bishop to lead the COB and build collaborative work on the adaptive challenge
3.Cultivating a new generation of young UM clergy with education and support systems that focus on the adaptive challenge
4.Creating a unified UM Center for Connectional Mission and Ministry constituted from 10 existing agencies with a new governance structure.
5.Redirecting apportionments in 2013–16 by up to $50 million for work on the adaptive challenge including:
Intentional and substantial focus on new faith communities for new people
Increased emphasis on recruiting and developing young clergy under age 30 who
are called by God and confirmed by the church for leadership
Fostering consensus about the personal and professional gifts, skills, and
practices needed for effective clergy
Fostering a "culture of call" in which congregations regularly invite and
encourage persons with the needed gifts to consider if they are being
called
Providing financial support through scholarships
6.Redirecting $5 million of general church receipts for theological education in the Central Conferences
7.Redirecting $5 million of general church receipts for focus on developing young laity as UM leaders
8.Reforming the clergy system
Making the recruitment of gifted young people to full-time ministry a
priority and devote resources to helping them complete their theological
education
Expecting and working with seminaries to train for the skills and practices
most needed to revitalize existing churches and start new ones
Continuing to purposefully avoid deploying clergy based primarily upon
seniority/salary and toward deploying persons where their gifts can have
the greatest impact
Improving ability and processes to more promptly exit low-performing clergy
from the system
9.Reforming the episcopal system
Greater consensus about leadership qualities needed for Bishops in the 21st
century
Bishops have public accountability for improving vital indicators in their
residential areas
One bishop dedicated and accountable for encouraging and supporting others on
the Council of Bishops
Align appropriate work of the general church more closely with annual
conference strategies for embracing the adaptive challenge
See see the Call to Action as proposed go to: http://umccalltoaction.org
Grace, Kathy
In my opinion, this report could have been written 30 years ago. In fact, much of it has been repeated for at least that long with no better results. I pray for the growth of the Kingdom, but there are still too many vested interests for real change in the UMC to occur. And as long as we look to our structure to solve problems or for the hierarchy to change, we will remain only issuing calls.
Here is an extended quote from the report:
We affirm:
That the local “charge” or congregation is the primary venue for making disciples. We believe there is an urgent need for redirecting significant leadership, time, and money toward the adaptive challenge of building and supporting United Methodist people and their witness on the ground and, in particular, working to increase and sustain the number of vital congregations.
This can be accomplished by:
1.Creating clear expectations and metrics for all leaders
2.Creating a non-residential bishop to lead the COB and build collaborative work on the adaptive challenge
3.Cultivating a new generation of young UM clergy with education and support systems that focus on the adaptive challenge
4.Creating a unified UM Center for Connectional Mission and Ministry constituted from 10 existing agencies with a new governance structure.
5.Redirecting apportionments in 2013–16 by up to $50 million for work on the adaptive challenge including:
Intentional and substantial focus on new faith communities for new people
Increased emphasis on recruiting and developing young clergy under age 30 who
are called by God and confirmed by the church for leadership
Fostering consensus about the personal and professional gifts, skills, and
practices needed for effective clergy
Fostering a "culture of call" in which congregations regularly invite and
encourage persons with the needed gifts to consider if they are being
called
Providing financial support through scholarships
6.Redirecting $5 million of general church receipts for theological education in the Central Conferences
7.Redirecting $5 million of general church receipts for focus on developing young laity as UM leaders
8.Reforming the clergy system
Making the recruitment of gifted young people to full-time ministry a
priority and devote resources to helping them complete their theological
education
Expecting and working with seminaries to train for the skills and practices
most needed to revitalize existing churches and start new ones
Continuing to purposefully avoid deploying clergy based primarily upon
seniority/salary and toward deploying persons where their gifts can have
the greatest impact
Improving ability and processes to more promptly exit low-performing clergy
from the system
9.Reforming the episcopal system
Greater consensus about leadership qualities needed for Bishops in the 21st
century
Bishops have public accountability for improving vital indicators in their
residential areas
One bishop dedicated and accountable for encouraging and supporting others on
the Council of Bishops
Align appropriate work of the general church more closely with annual
conference strategies for embracing the adaptive challenge
See see the Call to Action as proposed go to: http://umccalltoaction.org
Grace, Kathy
July 26, 2012
Fighting Clergy Depression
With so many toxic and unhealthy churches, it's a wonder there isn't more clergy depression. But if you suspect that your clergy spouse is depressed, how can you know for sure?
Depression is a serious illness that requires professional help. It is more that just feeling bad or out of sorts for a day or two, Depression persists--sometimes for years. And often family members are the last--yes, the last--to notice.
But here are some clues to watch for in your adult loved ones. Please note that kids and youth are another matter.
1. Too much eating or loss of interest in eating
2. Too much sleeping but still feeling tired no matter how much sleep
3. Loss of interest in sex
4. Inordinate feelings of constant helplessness or anxiety
5. New, increased, highly ritualized compulsive behaviors
6. Unexplained sadness, feelings of guilt and/or despair
7. Talking or thinking about suicide
8. Unexplained physical illness and/or pain
9. Increased desire to be alone and/or disconnecting from significant relationships.
10. Spiritual ennui, listlessness, lack of focus or concentration
Often these clues are a matter of degree and they can appear together. Because we are physical, emotional, relational, rational, spiritual beings, a disturbance in one area will show up in the other areas as well.
In our churches, we're not good at talking about depression--much less clergy depression. But it is common. So take care. Even a healthy church drains clergy and families--an unhealthy church will suck the life out of you. So if you're in trouble, reach out to a trusted professional. If you need a counselor, you can go to the American Association of Pastoral Counselors website and find someone in your area.
Grace, Kathy
Depression is a serious illness that requires professional help. It is more that just feeling bad or out of sorts for a day or two, Depression persists--sometimes for years. And often family members are the last--yes, the last--to notice.
But here are some clues to watch for in your adult loved ones. Please note that kids and youth are another matter.
1. Too much eating or loss of interest in eating
2. Too much sleeping but still feeling tired no matter how much sleep
3. Loss of interest in sex
4. Inordinate feelings of constant helplessness or anxiety
5. New, increased, highly ritualized compulsive behaviors
6. Unexplained sadness, feelings of guilt and/or despair
7. Talking or thinking about suicide
8. Unexplained physical illness and/or pain
9. Increased desire to be alone and/or disconnecting from significant relationships.
10. Spiritual ennui, listlessness, lack of focus or concentration
Often these clues are a matter of degree and they can appear together. Because we are physical, emotional, relational, rational, spiritual beings, a disturbance in one area will show up in the other areas as well.
In our churches, we're not good at talking about depression--much less clergy depression. But it is common. So take care. Even a healthy church drains clergy and families--an unhealthy church will suck the life out of you. So if you're in trouble, reach out to a trusted professional. If you need a counselor, you can go to the American Association of Pastoral Counselors website and find someone in your area.
Grace, Kathy
June 22, 2012
Make a Good Move with Facebook
The Indiana Annual Conference concluded two weeks ago Saturday. "Three Simple Rules for Social Media"-social media guidelines for Indiana United Methodists--was a handout given to clergy, lay delegates, and clergy spouses. The three rules are "Do No Harm," "Do Good," and "Stay in Love with God." Sound familiar? These are adapted from Wesley's rules for living. A description of each rule,as well as a set of questions to ask related to the rule,were listed.
I am aware of difficulties that Facebook can bring with pastors posting comments or opinions that are inappropriate. But I am a member of Facebook because there is a private link to Indiana clergy spouses available only through Facebook. I never post anything, but often offer comments. I have noticed over the past six weeks that clergy spouses are posting almost daily about the challenges of moving. Now appointments in Indiana begin July 1, so as you can guess, families are busy getting ready.
I have read the full range of emotions related to relocation. Many express anxiety and fear. The logistics of packing, especially with young children, is a popular topic. Sadness about leaving a beloved congregation, reluctance to start over, making new friends--all of the concerns that were prevalent thirty-seven years ago when my husband started ministry, are still relevant today.
However, one of the opportunities that Facebook allows, is to give others a chance to respond. I have read words of love and encouragement, prayers offered, shared experiences with positive results, and many others. Facebook postings allow others to share in the experience that others are having. I have also noted spouses offering to connect with other spouses who are moving into the same district even before the move occurs. Facebook can break-down some of the isolation and anxiety that has characterized moving. I read animated and loving comments--sometimes eight or nine or ten responses of encouragement or comments to one posting.
I am thankful for the way Facebook is allowing clergy spouses in the Indiana Conference--and perhaps others too--to feel connected and supported by other spouses who may or may not be moving in ways not possible years ago.
Prayer: Thank you God for advances in communication that enable your people in ministry to express feelings, joys and concerns, as moving approaches; and for the opportunity these advances also offer for those of us who read their postings to respond with prayer and other means of support. We are connected in many ways, and social media opens new ways to be united in service.
Jacquie Reed
Fishers, Indiana
I am aware of difficulties that Facebook can bring with pastors posting comments or opinions that are inappropriate. But I am a member of Facebook because there is a private link to Indiana clergy spouses available only through Facebook. I never post anything, but often offer comments. I have noticed over the past six weeks that clergy spouses are posting almost daily about the challenges of moving. Now appointments in Indiana begin July 1, so as you can guess, families are busy getting ready.
I have read the full range of emotions related to relocation. Many express anxiety and fear. The logistics of packing, especially with young children, is a popular topic. Sadness about leaving a beloved congregation, reluctance to start over, making new friends--all of the concerns that were prevalent thirty-seven years ago when my husband started ministry, are still relevant today.
However, one of the opportunities that Facebook allows, is to give others a chance to respond. I have read words of love and encouragement, prayers offered, shared experiences with positive results, and many others. Facebook postings allow others to share in the experience that others are having. I have also noted spouses offering to connect with other spouses who are moving into the same district even before the move occurs. Facebook can break-down some of the isolation and anxiety that has characterized moving. I read animated and loving comments--sometimes eight or nine or ten responses of encouragement or comments to one posting.
I am thankful for the way Facebook is allowing clergy spouses in the Indiana Conference--and perhaps others too--to feel connected and supported by other spouses who may or may not be moving in ways not possible years ago.
Prayer: Thank you God for advances in communication that enable your people in ministry to express feelings, joys and concerns, as moving approaches; and for the opportunity these advances also offer for those of us who read their postings to respond with prayer and other means of support. We are connected in many ways, and social media opens new ways to be united in service.
Jacquie Reed
Fishers, Indiana
April 19, 2012
God Forgives but Churches Don't--at least their Clergy
Had an interesting conversation the other day. This came from a layperson at the church involved. It seems that a long-time pastor acquaintance confessed to having an addiction to her congregation. She did so publicly in her sermon. She explained that she was in counseling and had overcome the addiction with the help of God. It appeared to have gone well. There were sympathetic nods, but no one said anything more--at least not to her. But when appointment time came around, the church demanded that she move. Frankly, they didn't care where she went. They said that would sooner close the doors of their church than have her as a pastor. And when word spread, the church she was projected to go also declined her, using the same reasoning.
This incident raises all kinds of issues and questions. Was it unwise for the pastor to confess anything and publicly at that? Was the church's response justified? Given the rates of relapse, were the people in any danger from the pastor's addiction? How should the DS have responded? (I forgot to say that the DS acted surprised about the whole matter.)
We all know that clergy are human and, therefore, suffer from the same foibles and temptations as those in the congregation. I am sure there are people with addictions in every congregation, many to whom the pastor ministers. Might overcoming an addiction make the pastor a better counselor, a better pastor? Sadly, this pastor will not get the chance.
What is also sad is that, with this particular addiction, the congregation has a right to be concerned. But the question remains, who ministers to the pastor? If we are on this Christian journey together, what is the most loving thing to do?
Grace, Kathy
This incident raises all kinds of issues and questions. Was it unwise for the pastor to confess anything and publicly at that? Was the church's response justified? Given the rates of relapse, were the people in any danger from the pastor's addiction? How should the DS have responded? (I forgot to say that the DS acted surprised about the whole matter.)
We all know that clergy are human and, therefore, suffer from the same foibles and temptations as those in the congregation. I am sure there are people with addictions in every congregation, many to whom the pastor ministers. Might overcoming an addiction make the pastor a better counselor, a better pastor? Sadly, this pastor will not get the chance.
What is also sad is that, with this particular addiction, the congregation has a right to be concerned. But the question remains, who ministers to the pastor? If we are on this Christian journey together, what is the most loving thing to do?
Grace, Kathy
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