What Does Success Look Like in the Church?

Several years ago, I was chair of the conference spouses' retreat committee. As we surveyed folks to find their interests, someone gave me a hand-written note. The person requested that the main speaker be someone whose spouse had failed in ministry, someone who had not successfully climbed the church corporate ladder, someone who had landed and whose ministry had remained in a small-membership church. The person felt she couldn't relate to someone who was "successful" in ministry.

As I thought about the request and the mix of wives (predominately) who attended the retreat, it began to make sense. And it wasn't a pretty picture. Some of these wives really felt that their spouses had been passed by and passed over. They felt that after sacrificing so much, they were relegated to the list of failures, those without leadership qualities or future opportunities. I almost cried and it seemed unfair.

So what counts for success in the local church? Is it the church size and salary? We may say "no,' but when our conference had a bishop who didn't pay attention to appointing clergy advance up the line to larger and larger churches, there was consternation from all sides. So our lips say "no," but our actions say "yes." Who wants their salary cut $10,000 to $20,000? And that happened to some. Then we also had some whose salary increased by the same amount.

We all know that some ministry happens best in small churches. And it better, because about 70-80% of our churches are small. But surely this can't mean that 80% of our pastors are failures if they don't move beyond a small-membership church.

While churches of all sizes have their burdens, the small church definitively does, especially if it is dying. In part, because as the church dies, so does part of the pastor's soul. And pastors and spouses tire out from doing CPR all the time, 24/7.

So what can we do? We can try to change of definition of what constitutes success, but like any platitude, that's too easy. We need our bishops and DSs be more supportive and quit shooting its wounded or perceived wounded clergy. We need to stop blaming pastors and start offering life-support, personally and professionally. We need to pay for pastors so that they can afford to take a sabbatical. A sabbatical shouldn't only be a luxury for a mega-church pastor. We need to stop wringing our hands about money and saying ad nausium that the UMC is dying. Who wants to serve a dying church? (I believe there is a book by that title.) We need to invest in Healthy Congregations. We need to invest in our clergy and stop treating them as though they are the problem.

What can we do? A lot. But it will take all of us.

Grace, Kathy

The Bible Does Not a Christian Make

It's probably not shocking to you, but the Bible is not the same as Christianity, and being biblically literate is not the same as being a good Christian. The Bible is, however, a gift from God, but it is meant to be a light to guide our path--a path that can lead back to God. For us Wesleyans, that path is also known as the road to perfection.

The Bible is a light that helps us find our way; it is not the final destination. So as much as we are encouraged to read and understand the Bible, we must never be fooled into thinking that knowing the Bible means that we know all about God. Knowing is a part of faith, but practicing our faith and living in love and charity with others, whether they be God, self, family, neighbors, strangers, or enemies--that is reason for our faith. We have faith so we can love God, others, and ourself more and more deeply.

This light the Bible gives is also meant to reinforce and encourage our inner light, that place inside of us where God dwells. It seems that too many people believe "in the Bible." No, we believe in God who can, but who doesn't have to, speak to us from the Bible. The Bible is not a rule book or a book of laws. As Paul says in Romans and elsewhere, Christ has freed us from the law, which only brings death. In Christ, we are freed for joyful obedience not servitude. We abound in grace not law or even works.

Paul also wrote that Scripture was only one part of our armor. It is the sword of faith. The sword of faith, the Bible, is meant only to protect and defend us. It is not meant to be used as a weapon against others. And we are certainly never required to fall on our sword, that is, use the Bible in self-defeating or self-injuring ways. Although I have to confess that I do like to brandish and duel with my sword a little much too often.

A person once asked me if I believed in the Bible. It was a kind of "do you beat your spouse" sort of question --no good answer. I muttered something and changed the subject. But later I thought how I should have answered her and what I'd do next time someone asks. No, I don't believe in the Bible, I believe in God. There is a difference.

Grace, Kathy

Rekindling Your Flame

Every Monday, our Sunday School leadership sends out an email to all teachers. The thoughts below are from last Monday's email. The phrase that really caught my attention was "I'm not sure if it has been this brutally cold winter or just time in the valley..." With so much winter this year and with so many sick, who doesn't need a rekindled flame. Thought you'd enjoy her words of encouragement.

"John 15:5-8

The Message (MSG)

5-8 “I am the Vine, you are the branches. When you’re joined with me and I with you, the relation intimate and organic, the harvest is sure to be abundant. Separated, you can’t produce a thing. Anyone who separates from me is deadwood, gathered up and thrown on the bonfire. But if you make yourselves at home with me and my words are at home in you, you can be sure that whatever you ask will be listened to and acted upon. This is how my Father shows who he is—when you produce grapes, when you mature as my disciples.

 

Good morning everyone,

Have you seen those Charter commercials that start with, "When your cable goes out...."? And then it follows a downward progression to some absurd, but funny ending.  Have you ever thought that the same example could be used for our spiritual life? I think it would go something like this: When our flame goes out, we get stressed and depressed. And when we get stressed and depressed we try to take things into our own hands.  And when we take things into our own hands, we make bad choices.  And when we make bad choices, we think we are failures.  And when we think we are failures, we get in a rut. Don't get in a rut.  Ask God back into your life and get in the groove!

I'm not sure if it has been this brutally cold winter or just time in the valley,  but I have noticed a lot of people who seem to have lost their flame.  God tells us we will have highs and lows, but no matter the season, we must draw near to Him.  I pray that we reconnect to the life-sustaining Vine so we can produce much fruit for the Kingdom!"

Grace, Kath

Early Morning Mary

The church I attend has a 7:30 am chapel service every Wednesday. Although the attendance fluctuates, there can be as few as four and as many as ten. 

I have led the service a few times when the pastors were on vacation or busy. Although the church is close to 25 minutes from my house, getting up early, usually in the dark, and driving to the small chapel to begin the day with other believers is a great blessing.

I led the service this past Wednesday and will again lead next week.  My message this week was about Mary which I titled, "How Can This Be?" I commented how Mary is held as an extraordinary  example of obedience to God's word, although her first response to the angel's message about  carrying God's son was "'How can this be?"

We do not know the process Mary went through to go from her initial response, "How can this be?"  to "I am the Lord's servant, may it happen to me as you have said,, but the scripture between her two comments offers helpful advice when we too are placed in situations where our response is "How can this be?"

Throughout life we have experiences which leave us saying,"'How can this be?"--a sudden job loss, a newly diagnosed illness, an unexpected pregnancy, learning about a move when a long-awaited job has just been secured. This happened to me twice. I received job offers for positions I long desired, only to find out a few months later we were moving; or any other situations which leave us surprised, confused, distressed.

Looking at the scripture, the angel offers a few words of advice to Mary. The angel says:

1. "Don't be afraid." Mary was obviously troubled by the angel's words as are we when unexpected events happen.  Unexpected circumstances remind us things are changing. We don't initially have a new plan or direction as our regular routine is affected.Remembering the angel's words,"'Don't be afraid," may calm our hearts as we begin to deal with the unexpected.

2. "The Holy Spirit will come on you." The power of the Holy Spirit is without limit. Even when we do not know how to pray, the Holy Spirit provides. The companionship of the Holy Spirit carries us, until we can reach a place of peace.

 

3."'God's power will rest upon you"'  Knowing that God was with Mary as she worked through the astonishing news was a reminder she was not alone. We too have the same assurance that no matter what is happening in our lives, God is with us.

 

Mary must have absorbed the angel's words, helping her arrive at a place of acceptance and peace so she could say with confidence, "I am the Lord's servant, may it happen to me as you have said."'

 

The angel's words can help us  work through those moments when we say, "How can this be?"  Keep these words close throughout the year so that whatever happens we too can come before God, finding peace and acceptance.

 

Jacquie Reed 

Fishers, Indiana

Cultivate Gratitude

Want to have less stress and be healthier? Cultivate gratitude.

With Thanksgiving just around the corner, it's a good time to remember how blessed we are. When we hear the news, watch TV, or read the headlines, it is a good reminder to be grateful for what we have and who we have to share it with.

Despite hardships and loss, God continues to bless us. Please take a few minutes to reflect on the grace that God gives.

Cultivating gratitude is good for your soul but also for your health and well being. This is more than "seeing the glass half full instead of half empty" or "positive thinking." Cultivating gratitude is looking for God in every situation and looking at each person as a reflection of the image of God. Cultivating gratitude helps us discern God's blessing. It does not minimize suffering, but it can help you be open to love and be loved.

This Thanksgiving as you eat, shop, watch TV--whatever, thank God simply for being our God.

Blessings,
Kathy

God Is with Us in the Midst of Storms, even Typhoon Haiyan

By now we have all heard and seen news about the tragedy unfolding in the aftermath of Typhoon Haiyan. As people across the globe are reaching out to help, I have no doubt that UMCOR (United Methodist Committee on Relief) is in the thick of things doing ministry on behalf of all of us.

While reporting the story, a newscaster raised this question: Where is God in all this? Here this another true story from the Philippines.

A dawn, just as the Japanese began their invasion of the Philippines during World War II, all the local people ran to the mountains, hiding themselves the best they could. It was imperative that no one make a sound, because if the Japanese found them, death and fates worse than death awaited. So whole families hid in the recesses of the mountains. That is all except one family. The mother was pregnant. She had hoped that the baby would wait until the family had escaped, but her contractions began the night before and by morning, the baby was coming. There was no time. But somehow her husband and other relatives, got her out of the village and into some bushes. She was out of sight but dangerously close to the oncoming soldiers. She told the rest of the family to run, which they reluctantly did. Because they all knew that even if she succeeded to giving birth in silence, the newborn's cries would give them away and into the hands of the enemy.

Silently suffering and alone, the mother did succeed in giving birth to a healthy baby boy. She prayed and prayed. Where is God? When the baby came, he did not cry but went right to nursing. He and his mother remained undetected by the soldiers. Silently together they laid in the bushes well into the night. And that is how the father found them when he came back and took them to safety.

Later, when the family was together, still hiding but this time safely in the mountains, the sister asked,"What should we name the baby?" Without fear or hesitation, the mother answered, "Emmanuel, because God is with us."

I met Emmanuel many years later. As it turned out, he found his way to the U.S. and eventually his family found our congregation. He was a successful professional and father of 2 children. But in his mind, this apocryphal story made him what he was--a recipient of God's grace and a beacon of hope for others.

Where was God? In the courage of people, loving each other the best they knew how. In the miracle of birth. In the silence that followed. In the faith of parents that was instilled in their children. In the will to endure. In the service of people who gave their lives. In the hope for a better future.

Grace, Kathy

Separation of Church and State

Dear God, As we approach the celebration of July 4th, we remember the men and women who serve our country, particularly in the armed forces. We pray blessings on them and their families. We pray for their safety and courage. But we also pray for our enemies. We pray that they will also seek peace and understanding. God, we know that honorable peace is possible only with you in our midst. So we pray that you guide us all in paths that will lead to truth and justice, where all persons are respected and have opportunities for life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. In Jesus' name, amen.

As we think about the place that God holds in our county, we automatically recall that famous phrase,
"wall of separation between church and state." This phrase first appears in a letter written by founding father, Thomas Jefferson, to the Danbury Baptist Association in 1802. While there are different interpretations about Jefferson's exact meaning, the letter indicates that he meant that government should not interfere with religion, that is, that legislatures should "make no law respecting an establishment of religion or prohibiting the free exercise thereof." Because, for Jefferson, belief and worship are matters between humanity and God and not humanity and government.

Here is the actual text of Jefferson's letter: "Believing with you that religion is a matter which lies solely between Man & his God, that he owes account to none other for his faith or his worship, that the legitimate powers of government reach actions only, and not opinions, I contemplate with sovereign reverence that act of the whole American people which declared that their legislature should 'make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof,' thus building a wall of separation between Church and State."

As we celebrate our day of independence, let's remember that our God is a God of peace; a God who defends the rights of the least, the last, and the lost; a God who graciously demands and protects the freedom of God's people. Let us not ask if God is on our side, but if we are on God's side and how we can serve with dignity and honor. Let us move forward as a nation acting more like the God's people as demonstrated by the life of Christ.

Grace, Kathy

Being an Encourager

This past week, I took my young son to one of his karate classes just like I do every week. But on this particular day, the class was unusually small (only 7 kids). So the sensei decided to have the kids practice a particular set of skills one at a time and have the rest of the group comment on their technique. He gave two simple instructions. After the student was finished doing their skills, each of the other students could choose to say something positive that they did well or give a suggestion on how they could improve. Well my son is a very analytic child, and so he waited and watched each child take their turn and strategically chose to go last. I could only assume it was because he got the benefit of learning from the mistakes of those that went before him. When class was over and we were driving home, he asked why the other students only pointed out what he did wrong instead of saying something nice about what he did well. I did not want his feelings to be hurt, so I simply said they just wanted him to be able to do his best.

Later I was thinking about his question to me and it got me thinking. Why do we find it so much easier to point out the faults of others instead of building each other up? Think about that for a minute. How often do you criticize or pass judgement on others when what we should be doing is offering encouragement and sharing God's love? I think many times it comes from a place of insecurity inside us and finding the faults in others makes us feel better about ourselves. But when you meditate on the fact that we are created in God's image and through Jesus we are new creations, you can find wholeness and peace and let those insecurities slip away.

So how do we do it? How can we be encouraged, and how do we become encouragers? True encouragement grows out of a deep faith-walk with God and one another. It requires our time and selfless devotion. It seeks to lift up and heal, helping others grow closer to God, so they can press on in their faith and be better suited for serving in God’s kingdom. There are dozens of Bible verses that train us to be encouragers. May these sampling of Scriptures encourage you today!
 
Jesus, our Hope, encourages us. (Heb. 6:18, 2 Thess. 2:17)
Salvation encourages us. (1 Thess. 5:8-11)
The Holy Spirit encourages us. (Acts 9:31)
The faith of others encourages us. (Acts 11:23, 28:15, Ro. 1:12, Phil. 1:14, 1 Thess. 3:7)
Fellowship with believers encourages us. (Phil. 2:1, Heb. 10:25)
The truth of Scripture encourages us. (1 Co. 14:31, Phil. 1:14, Tim. 4:2-5, Titus 1:9)
Serving God encourages us. (2 Chron. 35:2)
Anticipating the Lord’s coming encourages us. (1 Thess. 4:18)

Lisa

Feeling Like A Fake

I have a confession. For the first 4 years that I was a clergy spouse, I had serious doubts about my faith. Everything I had ever believed about God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit were up in the air. Some days I couldn't even say I believed that God existed.

Having so much of my once solid faith fall away left me feeling lonely, scared, confused, and aimless. Those emotions were intensified by my unwillingness to be open about the state of my faith. (My husband was the only one who knew.) I wasn't sure how my husband’s congregations, my friends, or family would respond to me and my husband if they knew. I assumed our churches would only accept me if I was the pillar of faith that every clergy spouse is “supposed to be.” I was afraid of being either rejected or pushed to regain my faith. I was scared I would never find faith again. I felt embarrassed and confused, and no matter what I tried nothing seemed to bring me up out of this faithless chasm. I was stuck, wanting desperately to have faith, to engage fully with the people in our church, to have my world make sense again. But those things weren't going to happen overnight. So, I did what seemed like the best solution at the time: I faked it.

To all outward appearances I was a pillar of faith and devotion to God and the Church. I taught Sunday school and chaired committees. I showed up at all the services and special events. I volunteered at the local hospital. I did a great job at covering up and pushing aside my fears and doubts. Except there was one thing I couldn't push aside – I felt like a fake. I felt like I was constantly being dishonest with our churches and with God (when God and I were on speaking terms). I was doing all this church work out of habit, knowing the right actions to take and the right words to say. But I always felt like a phony and that I did not have any right to be in a position of leadership when my spiritual life was in such shambles.

I wish I would have done things differently. I wish I would have found some people early on (not just my husband) in whom I could confide. I needed a pastor or spiritual director who would listen and guide me. I needed more than just one friend who knew the truth so that I could practice being myself authentically, not the fake person I was putting out there. For a long I time I didn't have the courage to trust that anyone would treat my feelings and my soul with the tenderness required for healing.

The tide began to turn when I finally got fed up with being fake and had run out of energy to hold back my feelings. I was at an annual gathering of my denomination’s clergy spouses and found myself confessing to an entire room full of people that I had a shell of a faith and had been putting up a front for the past 4 years. I thought it was going to be awful to actually say those words out loud. I thought the room would go dead silent. Instead, what happened is that I felt liberated that the secret was out. I had a surprising number of my fellow spouses offer prayer, tell me their own stories of lost faith, or tell me to call them anytime I needed to talk. From that point on things started to get better. I don’t mean that all of a sudden my faith reassembled itself, because 6 years later, I’m still rebuilding. But I didn't have to put all the energy into hiding anymore. I didn't have to try to fix everything by myself. I was able to lay my doubt on the altar and I tell God I was done trying to solve this myself – if it truly mattered to God then it was God’s problem now. God was able to begin using other people to speak to my heart when I couldn't hear directly from God. And best of all, I am no longer ashamed of hiding or being a fake.

I share my story willingly in the hope that others will stop hiding too.

Julie