Moral Injury in the Congregation

Moral injury is a very important topic. While most of the research is currently concerning war vets (and hence the research funding), it is recognized that moral injury can happen to anyone who is traumatized or, especially someone who traumatizes another. It’s also a new way to frame sin, guilt, and shame, and puts care for these folks squarely in the pastor’s realm.  In a sense, it’s another way of talking about soul care. 

Moral injury describes how people are changed through exposure to violence and the inflicting of

harm and death on others resulting in profound mental, emotional, and spiritual struggle.

Moral injury can occur when persons betray or are betrayed. When they find themselves in a morally comprising situation with no way out. War is an obvious cause because soldiers have to kill other soldiers but sometimes civilians are also hurt. This is especially common in guerrilla warfare.So even if soldiers comes home physically and emotionally home (no PTSD), their spirits can be seriously diminished. But moral injury also occurs when anyone hurts another. Sin chips away at the soul.

Need a little help from you. Does this topic interest you? Do you see it as important? Do you see moral injury in your congregation? Would you like to learn more and how you can help these persons?

Grace, Kathy

Newtown Anniversary: What If We Said No?

As we are all being reminded, tomorrow is the one-year anniversary of the Sandy Hook shooting which took the lives of children and adults. It is an event that reminds us how susceptible each of us is to violence and that no one age group or place is safe or sacred from the destruction caused by violence. At the same time, it is a reminder that life still goes on after bad things happen.

I do not know what propels people to watch countless hours of television, as reporters and the media regurgitate the same sound bites for hours. Yet, millions of televisions will inevitably broadcast images, the voices of so-called experts, stories of brokenness and hope, life and of course death.

While the media retells the story, again, we know that the families and town government have asked that we leave them alone and give them privacy. Families have asked people to stay away. If we listened, families could walk the streets of Newtown and remember or reflect, like I did last January when I visited with siblings. They could pop their head into the Misty Vale General Store and share their grief with locals, talking about what this past year has been like for them and the community. They could grab a bite to eat at Villa Restaurant and Pizza with a close friend. They could live their new lives without the disruption of our misplaced intentions.

When the grieving ask for privacy they do not mean, “Hey, please avoid knocking on our door and lurking in our garage.” I think they mean, stay away so that they can choose how to grieve in their own way and at their own home, within their community and without the media and gawkers. That is what I hear them asking for on this day.

So, I wonder. On this day when families ask for privacy and for us to turn our voyeurism into acts of kindness in OUR COMMUNITIES, what would happen if we turned off the television, avoided the news, and ignored, all together, any story about Newtown? Perhaps we could send a message to the media, and those who will choose to ignore the requests by creating chronic coverage, that we choose to respect the wishes of the bereaved.

While we continue to ask questions of “how and why” events like Sandy Hook happen and what we can do to help, it is true that we may want to talk about about gun control, access to mental health support, violence in American life, and all the other issues events like Sandy Hook provoke us to ponder. We should not, however, utilize this anniversary to remind ourselves (as if we ever had a moment to forget) that these questions run deep in our collective consciousness. This anniversary is Newton’s anniversary. The questions that need to be asked about this tragedy may be ours, but the grief that accompanies this anniversary is not about us and we must be clear about that distinction. I believe that clarity is the only thing separating us from respecting those who are filled with grief and those who wish to watch from the sidelines.

And for those of us who want to be supportive, often times that simply means listening and giving people the space they have requested.

Joseph M. Primo, MDiv.

CEO | Good Grief

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Here Is Servant Leadership at Its Best

Want to see what servant leadership looks like? Here it is. I can just imagine Jesus doing the same thing. Religious or not, what a witness!

From:  http://www.wnct.com/story/23655059/sc-man-vows-to-maintain-national-mall-during-government-shutdown

South Carolina man vows to maintain National Mall during government shutdown

Posted: Oct 10, 2013 7:43 AM CDT Updated: Oct 10, 2013 7:43 AM CDT

By Andrea Blanford, Morning Edition Anchor - email

 

WASHINGTON -

The government shutdown led to furloughs for many park service workers.  Now, one man from South Carolina armed with a leaf blower and a push mower is taking it upon himself to clean up Washington's memorials in their place.

Chris Cox calls himself the Memorial Militia and he's been taking away trash, blowing away leaves and even using a chainsaw to clear branches from a path in the area of the National Mall

“Our veterans are coming here in protest and I didn't want to have to see trash littered or spit cups, diapers, banana peels, half eaten apples,” said Cox. “You name it, it was on the ground out here.”

Cox says he's occasionally been asked to stop what he's doing but plans to be there as long as the government is shut down.

Grace, Kathy

Our Mission: Passionate Witness

Matthew 28:18-20

  

“Rekindle in us the power of your love.”  Some will recognize those words as part of the Prayer to the Holy Spirit. The power of Christ’s life fueled the Disciples and enabled them to fulfill their mandate to spread the Gospel throughout the world. We, who are Jesus’ disciples, are also tasked with this same mission. In fact, we repeat this mission every Sunday when our pastor asks our congregation, “And what is our mission?” And we reply, “To make disciples of Jesus Christ to transform the world.”  When we say these words each Sunday, I think of the great cloud of witnesses, those who have come before us, encouraging us to go forward.  And I imagine that God is pleased with our willingness to witness, but I am convinced that God is more pleased when we actually do it—when we are freed for joyful obedience and act on our faith. Having good intentions isn't enough.

For years I've had good intentions about exercising regularly. I’d start and do well for a time, then quit when the going got tough or when I just was too tired. But having breast cancer this spring gave me an opportunity to take advantage of the wonderful fitness ministries at the YMCA, one of which is the ABC program. As part of this program, I get to meet with a personal trainer who helps me and keeps me accountable so that I can make my fitness goals. I still am tired from my long commute to and from work. Most days it is still hard to drag myself to the Y, but knowing that my trainer has set aside time for me and has an investment in me, gives me added motivation. She rekindles my resolve by the power of her investment in my progress.

So how much more will God rekindle us through the power of his Spirit? God is invested in us and has tasks for us to accomplish. We can be sure that we don’t have to go it alone. In addition to his Holy Spirit, God gives us each other.  And that’s a good thing, because transforming the world takes all of us. God is our trainer. He’s there to motivate us and keep us accountable. But God also provides us with the fuel of faith to help sustain us when things get tough.

Dear God, Rekindle in us the power of your love. Send forth your Spirit and we shall be created and you shall renew and face of the Earth. Oh God, who by the light of the Holy Spirit, did instruct the hearts of the faithful, grant that by the same Holy Spirit, we may be truly wise and ever enjoy your consolations. Through Christ our Lord, Amen.

Kathy

The Church: Hospital for Sinners?

It is often said that the church is not a home for the saints but a hospital for sinners. But the church is also called to be the heart and engine for mission in the world. While being a good hospital and effective engine for mission may not be roles that have to conflict, sometimes we just have to ask, how many badly broken people can the church care for inside its own community and still have adequate resources to reach out beyond its walls?

True, working together in mission can heal a lot of brokenness inside of church folk and bring relief to suffering in the world. And while we all agree that God does the healing and enables the church to reach out, in my experience any community of faith can only have so many badly broken people. Yes, we are all broken to some extent. We all sin and fall short of the glory of God. But we also have to recognize that there are different types of brokenness. While there are many types of brokenness, here are a few that I'll highlight.

First, there are those who hide their brokenness. And this may be most of us.

Second, there are those who have been so beat up and tired out by their experiences, that they just want to rest. And that is another large group of us. But if a church has too many of this type of broken person, it's difficult for the church to put energy into mission.

Third, there are those who are proud of their scars so much so that they wear them "in your face." These are the folks who flaunt their brokenness. Actually, these folks may be helpful in doing mission if they also don't demand that the church just take care of them or constantly stir up conflict.

Fourth, there are those who are so broken that they need the love and care of church people to hold them together for long periods of time. While we may all suffer tragedy and are dependent of the church in times of crisis, I'm talking about the folks who are dependent on the church as part of their lifestyle. These are the people who eat up inordinate amounts of the pastor's time and energy. If there are too many of this type of person in the church, mission can't happen, at least the way it could.

So it's a complicated thing. We know that we are all broken, but it can be annoying that those other broken people just go somewhere else so the church can get on with its mission. But somehow that doesn't sound right either. The church has to balance both roles. It has to be a hospital for sinners and an engine for mission. (You can probably have too many engineers as well.) But any hospital takes staff who are not broken or at least not broken so much that it precludes their ministry. 

Grace,

Kathy

Why Church?

Recently my Sunday School class read Not a Fan. It's a good read but comes from a different theological perspective. One thing we all noticed about the book is that there really isn't anything about the church's role in discipleship formation. According to this book, it's all just between Jesus and you. And it's totally up to you whether you remain a "fan" or become a real "follower" of Jesus. There is nothing about Christian friends or how the church can support people in their faith journey, and there certainly isn't anything about the Sacraments as a vehicle for God's grace.

This got me thinking. Why do we "do" church? For one thing, the church is the body of Christ on earth. We United Methodists, like many denominations, take being the everyday hands and feet of Christ very seriously.The church can mediate God's spiritual presence, but it is also meant to be physically present--to clothe the naked, feed the hungry, and house the homeless. As Jesus said the poor may always be with us, but that doesn't mean that we don't do our part to end poverty. But we don't "do" church, because we are the church for better and worse.

Our local church really strives to be the body of Christ. It is mission orientated. This is not to say that there aren't some who just occasionally or casually attend. We have our share of pew warmers, but they are the minority. Our church also strives to be supportive of and pray for each other. Recently, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I've been touched by all the prayer support. Fortunately, it was caught very early and I'll be OK. For now, it's just a major inconvenience. But I know I can count on my church family.

And frankly, sometimes when a person is too broken or too weary to be a follower, in the church we have fellow pilgrims who will help us stay on the path. You can't be a solitary follower of Christ because following is a group/church activity.

Grace, Kathy

Inaugural Prayer Service

Did you watch the Inaugural Prayer Service broadcast yesterday? If so, I'm sure you'd agree that there were many moving moments. And no one could miss the diversity of all types, not just religious. For me, one of the most poignant moments was when a Jew and Muslim appeared on the podium together and each prayed for peace.

Adam Hamilton, pastor of the United Methodist Church of the Resurrection, preached the sermon. It was brief and to the point--three points actually. Plain words but profound nonetheless. Adam's words could not be misunderstood. We need a clear vision that we all can agree on together before we can be the nation we are called to be, the nation we want to be. He also told of how people are coming together for mission in his congregation to eliminate child poverty in his part of the country. No matter what their political affiliation or views, his church agreed that they needed to do what they could to help kids. So Church of the Resurrection is partnering with the school system to paint classrooms, tutor kids, send meals home on the weekends in backpacks, and even provide kids with their own bed at home. While Adam Hamilton meant only to illustrate his point, his church can be an example for all of our churches, not just our government.

Yesterday was a good day to be an American. The service was full of pageantry and wonderful music. And it was clear that the congregation was touched. But emotions will fade. What we need is for us all to recommit ourselves to being good citizens and work toward the common good together no matter how you voted. I plan to write my Congress people and tell them just that. I hope you do as well.

Pray for our nation.

Grace, Kathy

Caring for Veterans and Their Families

Millions of our men and women are veterans. Some of our pastors and their family members serve the military as well.Clergy families are not exempt.Some have been deployed (multiple times) to Iraq and Afghanistan recently, some are retired military, and some continue to serve in the Reserves. Over 6,600  warriors have died and will not return at all. More that 48,000 have sustained war injuries and 45,000 are returning with Purple Hearts. But all returning service members and their families will experience the challenge of re-entry as they leave the war zone and their buddies to return to a new normal.

As you may have heard in the media, there is a serious issue regarding veterans and suicide. War is not a spectator sport. It harms everyone involved, even those who are there to help. Yet, we are fortunate that our soldiers can come home to peace.

Churches are in a unique position to help. While Vet Centers are helpful (1-877-War-Vets; www.vetcenter.va.gov), they do not have the reach of churches. There are churches everywhere. If you want to help, contact our United Methodist Endorsing Agency at www.gbhem.org. They have some excellent resources and suggestions. Pastors and other caregivers can also need help. Often the helpers are the last to recognize their own struggles and needs.

What do our returning warriors need? Welcome, hospitality, a pat on the back, a listening ear, prayer; but also there's a good chance they will also need a job. There is also a good chance that they will return with some kind of injury (physical, emotional, relational, spiritual, and/or moral).

Here are a couple things any church can do: offer healing services, preach and teach about forgiveness, pray for them as part of the pastoral prayer. But here are also some things you don't want to say:
"How was the war?" "Did you kill anyone?" "Did you see anyone die?" "Were you scared?" "Did you lose buddies over there?" These questions are certainly not for casual conversation at the fellowship dinner.

There are literally tons of resources. If you need help finding them, let me know.

Grace, Kathy

Helping Families with Autism in Your Church

Autism is becoming a more frequent and nuanced diagnosis. We have had several autistic kids and adults in our churches over the years, but I am certainly no expert. But if you do need expert help either as a parent or concerned friend, check out Ellen Notbohm's website. www.ellennotbohm.com  She's written several helpful books and sends out a monthly newsletter.

Currently our church has autistic kids in several grade levels. Like all children, no two are alike and some have more needs than others. But because some of our teachers now have the type of experience these kids need, more special needs families are coming to our church. The kids are great and have a chance to be in an accepting, loving environment with kids of their own age. It's a lesson in compassion for everybody. This is a good thing.

Grace, Kathy

What Do We Tell the Children about Death?

Need help to talk to kids about grief, death, and dying? Here is a link to a 30-minute radio broadcast with Joseph Primo, who is the Associate Executive Director of Good Grief, Inc. in Morristown, New Jersey and serves on the board of The National Alliance for Grieving Children..

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/notforprofitexchange/2012/12/18/not-for-profit-exchange

Quotes from the broadcast:

“We need to honor the feelings of every child even if they are uncomfortable for an adult to hear. After a death or tragedy, children are trying to make sense of the world in their own way. That is something we can facilitate, but it is not something we can force or mandate on a child, teenager, or adult. It is part of our unique grief process.”

“We need to make a paradigm shift from grief is messy . . . to grief is good and it serves a purpose for children . . . their reactions are leading them towards healing.”

“We can take a break from the media. We don’t have to consume all the news . . . taking care of ourselves is not disrespectful."

Not an easy time for anyone.

Grace, Kathy

This Fig Tree Is not Blossoming

Recently I spoke with a staff member of a small membership church. Because I've known him for a long time, I asked how things were going. He responded saying that the church was out of the way so membership was dwindling; there were no youth and only a few children. (And that was on a good Sunday.) The church was doing absolutely nothing as far as mission and he expected it to die soon, because the aging membership wouldn't be able to keep things going much longer.

Naturally, I shook my head in sympathy. But as I drove home this thought occurred to me; that church is only 10 minutes away from thousands of people. Not only that, there is a brand new subdivision with upscale homes just down the road. Maybe at one time the church was "out of the way," but not any more. And our church has people driving by his church to come to ours. So people will drive to go to church.

Then I remembered what he said about the church doing "absolutely nothing as far as mission." With that thought, my sympathy morphed into anger. What would you expect when a church acts like it is invisible to the community? And to think that he accepted all this as though nothing could be done about it. Or maybe he'd given up.

A very sad commentary on Christianity in some churches today. But whose's responsibility is it to wake up this church and its staff? The pastor's and/or staff's? The lay leadership? The District Superintendent's? The bishop's?

Whoever it is, one thing is clear, the people related to this church are not opening their hearts to God. Because this is a spiritual issue and not an organizational or programmatic problem. You cannot tell me that God doesn't want that church, or any church, in mission and ministry beyond its own walls. The church is the Body of Christ--a living, breathing group of faithful believers. Sounds like this church has cut itself off from the Body and is dead already. Just remember Jesus' warning to the unfruitful fig tree.

What would you do if this was your church? Or has it been your church already?

Grace, Kathy

We Reap from Fields We Didn't Plant

Yesterday as I was watching Rick Steves talk about Christmas in Europe on PBS. It seems that in England mincemeat pies are traditional Christmas fare. As the scrumptious dessert was served, the cook said that in the old days only the very wealthy could afford meat pies at all. Now, everyone enjoys them.

This got me thinking about how many things we have that, once upon a time, were reserved only for the rich.

Then I thought how many times I've prayed that my children would have it better that we have it now. I'm sure mothers everywhere pray that same prayer. We don't want our children to be faced with the wars and rumors of war, illness, or hardships we've experienced. We want our children to have a bountiful life surrounded by hope and love, and steeped in a vital faith.

We live in a world where we have received the benefit of the prayer, work, dedication, and faith of our fore-bearers. They nourished our faith and made our world what it is, for good and ill. I pray this Christmas season, our children find us faithful in our legacy to them.

Grace, Kathy

God in the Recent Storms

Watching the news can be hard on our mental health--so many crises, so many hurting people, so much uncertainty. During times like these, it's understandable that we want miracles--to reconcile difference in our land, help our leaders find common ground, sustain our resolve, heal the sick and wounded, and keep us safe in the storm.

But miracles do happen. Consider Christ working through us individually and as groups, or people doing heroic and unselfish things. Last night I heard about some of the rescues that firefighters made during Superstorm Sandy. One man dove under flames and water to hook up the fire hose. A group of firefighters saved children and a pregnant woman from a flooded and burning building. During disasters, true character is revealed. Heroes are made; cowards are revealed.

But heroic character was also shown by pastors and their families by opening their homes and churches to hungry, cold neighbors. So much giving. So much love.

God was doing miracles working through people, some of whom probably weren't even Christian. When that firefighter helped those kids to escape certain death, I doubt that anyone asked if he or they were Christians. They were people. That is all that mattered.

When we despair and ask where is God, let us remember that we together are his Body.

Grace, Kathy

9/11

Even if you did not see the Twin Towers fall as it was played and replayed on television, surely you recall the empty skies for days afterward. A friend of mine who works in New York City said that for weeks there was a dusty haze that blanketed
everything. Another friend said it was months before he saw a child at any airport. And now it has been years.

During that time my daughter's high school band had accepted an invitation to march in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade. They were supposed to fly to NYC, but we parents made them hire buses instead. Several kids didn't get to go because of parental worries. But nothing would keep my child home, so our family fretted but proudly watched the band on TV.

We probably all have a story. Many of us know someone who was killed. We have all been effected. As we go about our daily routine today, let us remember what it means to be an American. Let us pray for those who still grieve, but let us also pray for our enemies.

Grace,
Kathy

Need a Little Feedback from You

Dear Friends, What do you like most about this blog? Are the issues that you would like it to address? Please also know that if you would like to write a post, you can send it to spouseconnect@gmail.com.

The goal of this blog is to inform and inspire, but also facilitate conversation among the spouse community.

Looking forward to hearing from you.

Grace,
Kathy