Does your youth group, church, or Sunday School class need a worthy fund raiser? Check out http://humankindwater.org/.
Help end poverty and disease by helping to provide access to clean water--something that no one can do without.
My friend, Lucy, heard the founder T.J. Foltz speak at her church last night, so this is legitimate.
Find ways you can help.
Grace, Kathy
Showing posts with label lifestyle. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lifestyle. Show all posts
July 17, 2014
June 23, 2014
Yes, the Church Is Worth It
We had a wonderful surprise this Sunday. Some members of one of our former youth groups drove 5 hours (one way) to be at our worship service, just because...
I must add that they are no longer youth but now have children of their own; although I still think of them as "the kids." My husband was their youth director and I was the (unpaid) assistant, so we really were not much older than the high school youth, maybe 2-5 years. But we were adults, just barely.
As we told stories and reminisced about old times, I told one of mine. This urban church had a dance each Friday night for the neighborhood kids. The police thanked us because the crime rate went down during that time. The dance drew about 200 kids and had been a ministry of that church for over 15 years--so it was an institution unto itself.
At 10:00 we ushered the crowd out the door and were ready to lock-up and head home. Except locking up was always a problem. The church had an ancient alarm system which consisted of a silver magnetic tape that went over the doors and windows. Invariably, one of the kids would slit the tape with a razor blade, which made finding the break almost impossible. But we got pretty good a finding it, but it could take as long as an extra hour. So I was usually annoyed, because that meant that we wouldn't get home until midnight leaving no time for us.
After I told my story, one of the "boys" spoke up. He asked, "Why do you think they did it?" I just thought they were up to mischief, and I had ample reason for believing it too. But he answered, "It was because, we didn't want to go home." This floored me. I had never considered that as a reason, but knew in my heart that it had to be true. All that for an extra hour away from home.
I have many fond memories of this youth group, because it was really my first. So I experienced many "firsts" with them. It was the first time I had such responsibility and authority and they taught me a lot. It was one of the hardest jobs I ever had, but yes, it was worth it. They were worth it. My husband baptized each of the ones that visited and they still had their certificates so many years later. They turned out ok, but many of their friends did not. We just planted seeds. Some took root; others didn't. But it was still worth it.
When I see so much pettiness and ugliness in the church, I wonder if being a church professional is worth it. Sunday reminded me that, yes, it's worth it and a lot more. I hope you keep your reasons for staying in ministry ever before you.
Grace, Kathy
I must add that they are no longer youth but now have children of their own; although I still think of them as "the kids." My husband was their youth director and I was the (unpaid) assistant, so we really were not much older than the high school youth, maybe 2-5 years. But we were adults, just barely.
As we told stories and reminisced about old times, I told one of mine. This urban church had a dance each Friday night for the neighborhood kids. The police thanked us because the crime rate went down during that time. The dance drew about 200 kids and had been a ministry of that church for over 15 years--so it was an institution unto itself.
At 10:00 we ushered the crowd out the door and were ready to lock-up and head home. Except locking up was always a problem. The church had an ancient alarm system which consisted of a silver magnetic tape that went over the doors and windows. Invariably, one of the kids would slit the tape with a razor blade, which made finding the break almost impossible. But we got pretty good a finding it, but it could take as long as an extra hour. So I was usually annoyed, because that meant that we wouldn't get home until midnight leaving no time for us.
After I told my story, one of the "boys" spoke up. He asked, "Why do you think they did it?" I just thought they were up to mischief, and I had ample reason for believing it too. But he answered, "It was because, we didn't want to go home." This floored me. I had never considered that as a reason, but knew in my heart that it had to be true. All that for an extra hour away from home.
I have many fond memories of this youth group, because it was really my first. So I experienced many "firsts" with them. It was the first time I had such responsibility and authority and they taught me a lot. It was one of the hardest jobs I ever had, but yes, it was worth it. They were worth it. My husband baptized each of the ones that visited and they still had their certificates so many years later. They turned out ok, but many of their friends did not. We just planted seeds. Some took root; others didn't. But it was still worth it.
When I see so much pettiness and ugliness in the church, I wonder if being a church professional is worth it. Sunday reminded me that, yes, it's worth it and a lot more. I hope you keep your reasons for staying in ministry ever before you.
Grace, Kathy
June 6, 2014
What Pastor Spouses Want Their Congregations to Know
As some of us will be moving to new churches, it might be worth considering what you want your congregation to know. Here's my list. You might have a different one.
1. I don't play the piano. Might wish I did, but I don't.
2. I am not an extension of my spouse. I have my own views and convictions.
3. I don't carry messages to my spouse. For one reason, I might forget, but the other reason is that if you want to tell the pastor something, don't drag me into it.
4. You can talk to me about something other than the church.
5. Our children are our children. But please be sensitive to them, because they live in a glass house.
6. Don't come to visit me without calling in advance.
7. Criticism about the church or my spouse even if "given in love," is still criticism.
8. Christian people do not hurt their pastor by hurting me or the children. This happens more than you know.
9. I am not a co-pastor. Don't count on me to help on every committee or attend every church event.
10. I really do love the church, but I'm not married to it. Really.
11. I did not take a vow of poverty when my spouse decided to become a pastor. I appreciate and expect a fair salary as much as you do.
12. I really do appreciate all your support and have received many unexpected gifts of friendship.
I don't share all of these things immediately when going to a new place, because in time they will all come up naturally anyway. But I do stick to these principles and found the church people, not only understand, but appreciate knowing.
Blessings on you.
Kathy
1. I don't play the piano. Might wish I did, but I don't.
2. I am not an extension of my spouse. I have my own views and convictions.
3. I don't carry messages to my spouse. For one reason, I might forget, but the other reason is that if you want to tell the pastor something, don't drag me into it.
4. You can talk to me about something other than the church.
5. Our children are our children. But please be sensitive to them, because they live in a glass house.
6. Don't come to visit me without calling in advance.
7. Criticism about the church or my spouse even if "given in love," is still criticism.
8. Christian people do not hurt their pastor by hurting me or the children. This happens more than you know.
9. I am not a co-pastor. Don't count on me to help on every committee or attend every church event.
10. I really do love the church, but I'm not married to it. Really.
11. I did not take a vow of poverty when my spouse decided to become a pastor. I appreciate and expect a fair salary as much as you do.
12. I really do appreciate all your support and have received many unexpected gifts of friendship.
I don't share all of these things immediately when going to a new place, because in time they will all come up naturally anyway. But I do stick to these principles and found the church people, not only understand, but appreciate knowing.
Blessings on you.
Kathy
April 29, 2014
Second-hand Stress and Church Living
In a recent blog post, Jan Bruce, founder and CEO of meQuilibrium, introduced me to the idea of second-hand stress. A distant cousin of second-hand smoke, which we’ve long known to be hazardous to our health, second-hand stress is a recognized condition that indicates you can actually “catch” stress from other people. Who knew that stress was contagious?
Well, YOU probably knew — pastors are among the most empathetic people out there, a trait which allows you to connect with your parishioners, coworkers, friends, and family and support them in so many ways. However, Ms. Bruce suggests that “being attuned to others’ emotions means that you’re potentially leaving yourself wide open to their frantic, messy, grousing, all-around unpleasant feelings, too.”
Humans are biologically wired to mirror each others’ emotions. Stress management expert Joe Robinson says, “Even if we’re not physically imitating what we see, mirror neurons still fire off a simulated version of the activity in your head as if you actually did it. It’s all designed to help us learn, understand, empathize, and connect with what others are doing and feeling.”
Okay, so your kid slams the door on her way in after school, throws her book bag against the wall and starts pacing back and forth in your kitchen, all the while muttering (or yelling) about the injustices of middle school, teachers, fickle friends, and life in general. You, once a teenager yourself and now a caring mother/father, notice the hair on the back of your neck prickling, your heart rate speeding up, and your palms getting sweaty. You’ve picked up a case of stress from your daughter!
meQ recommends building “an emotional buffer zone, [which] allows you the space to feel, acknowledge, and name your reactions as they are happening.” This will protect you from the harmful effects of your own stress response and help you channel your energy into a positive reaction.
Here are meQ’s 3 tips for buffering against this second-hand stress (some will work better than others in certain situations):
Well, YOU probably knew — pastors are among the most empathetic people out there, a trait which allows you to connect with your parishioners, coworkers, friends, and family and support them in so many ways. However, Ms. Bruce suggests that “being attuned to others’ emotions means that you’re potentially leaving yourself wide open to their frantic, messy, grousing, all-around unpleasant feelings, too.”
Humans are biologically wired to mirror each others’ emotions. Stress management expert Joe Robinson says, “Even if we’re not physically imitating what we see, mirror neurons still fire off a simulated version of the activity in your head as if you actually did it. It’s all designed to help us learn, understand, empathize, and connect with what others are doing and feeling.”
Okay, so your kid slams the door on her way in after school, throws her book bag against the wall and starts pacing back and forth in your kitchen, all the while muttering (or yelling) about the injustices of middle school, teachers, fickle friends, and life in general. You, once a teenager yourself and now a caring mother/father, notice the hair on the back of your neck prickling, your heart rate speeding up, and your palms getting sweaty. You’ve picked up a case of stress from your daughter!
meQ recommends building “an emotional buffer zone, [which] allows you the space to feel, acknowledge, and name your reactions as they are happening.” This will protect you from the harmful effects of your own stress response and help you channel your energy into a positive reaction.
Here are meQ’s 3 tips for buffering against this second-hand stress (some will work better than others in certain situations):
- Trap it, Map it, Zap it: Be aware of your body and emotions. Figure out where these emotions are coming from and what thoughts are behind them. Then, decide if these thoughts are based on reality, or are they just your own interpretation of the situation?
- Relaxation Techniques: “The more you practice simple relaxation techniques, the faster and more powerfully they come to your aid when you need them.” Check out these quick-fix relaxation techniques from meQ.
- Boundaries: Know what your boundaries are and make sure to stick to them. Are there topics you need to avoid with certain people? Are there times of day that should be off-limits for serious discussions with your spouse? Here are some other examples of personal boundaries.
April 15, 2014
God's Plan for You
Last Sunday was Palm Sunday and next Sunday is Easter. Many Christians are all to happy to celebrate the triumphal entry and the glorious Resurrection, but not so keen on what happened between.
The New Testament is very clear that Jesus did not simply get swept up into events when they got out of control. He had a plan. He had a plan then; he had a plan for his followers; and he has a plan for each of us now.
Even before Jesus rode into Jerusalem on the donkey, he had things planned out. He directed his disciples to go get the donkey. He could do this because he had made arrangements ahead of time. Before the Last Supper, Jesus tells his disciples to prepare the meal in a place that's he's already "booked." While the disciples might be clueless and stumble, Jesus never does. He prayerfully planned and stuck to it, even when tempted to go a different way in the Garden.
Jesus was a planner, but his planning do not conflict with his dependence on God. The Gospel of Matthew quotes the prophecy of Zechariah 9:9. The messiah would come riding humbly on a donkey. He's not humble because of the donkey. He's humble because of his total reliance on God. This was his refuge when he suffered and wrestled with his will in Gethsemane . He gave himself over the God's will, which always intends only the good for us.
But if you're like me, sometimes we have difficulty understanding the line between our plan and totally relying on God. Depending on God does not mean that we just let happen what's going to happen or that we just fling ourselves headlong down a particular path. It means consulting with God as we make our plans, so that they reflect God's desires in the first place. So when things get dicey or we want to chicken out, we can fall back and depend on the steadfast loving kindness of God to move us forward and along that road to perfection.
Hope you find ways to reflect Christ in your life this week.
Kathy
Nashville, TN
The New Testament is very clear that Jesus did not simply get swept up into events when they got out of control. He had a plan. He had a plan then; he had a plan for his followers; and he has a plan for each of us now.
Even before Jesus rode into Jerusalem on the donkey, he had things planned out. He directed his disciples to go get the donkey. He could do this because he had made arrangements ahead of time. Before the Last Supper, Jesus tells his disciples to prepare the meal in a place that's he's already "booked." While the disciples might be clueless and stumble, Jesus never does. He prayerfully planned and stuck to it, even when tempted to go a different way in the Garden.
Jesus was a planner, but his planning do not conflict with his dependence on God. The Gospel of Matthew quotes the prophecy of Zechariah 9:9. The messiah would come riding humbly on a donkey. He's not humble because of the donkey. He's humble because of his total reliance on God. This was his refuge when he suffered and wrestled with his will in Gethsemane . He gave himself over the God's will, which always intends only the good for us.
But if you're like me, sometimes we have difficulty understanding the line between our plan and totally relying on God. Depending on God does not mean that we just let happen what's going to happen or that we just fling ourselves headlong down a particular path. It means consulting with God as we make our plans, so that they reflect God's desires in the first place. So when things get dicey or we want to chicken out, we can fall back and depend on the steadfast loving kindness of God to move us forward and along that road to perfection.
Hope you find ways to reflect Christ in your life this week.
Kathy
Nashville, TN
March 14, 2014
Hidden Messages
If you think you're observant, take a look at what's "hidden" in these familiar logos.
http://screen.yahoo.com/buzzfeed/change-way-look-logos-002419172.html
Funny thing is, at least for me, once you've seen it, you can't "unsee." Every time I go past that ice cream place, I'll forever see the "31."
Being a Christian is much the same. Once someone knows you're a Christian, they will never look at you the same way. That's because people have preconceived ideas of what Christians are supposed to be like. Sometimes that's a good thing, but many times people suppose we vote a particular way or hold certain opinions, which we may or may not.
No one likes to be prejudged, despite our mistakes, gaffs, and lapses in judgement. So let's just be kind and gracious to each other, even in the church. And extend the grace that God so freely gives us.
Blessings on your ministry.
Kathy
http://screen.yahoo.com/buzzfeed/change-way-look-logos-002419172.html
Funny thing is, at least for me, once you've seen it, you can't "unsee." Every time I go past that ice cream place, I'll forever see the "31."
Being a Christian is much the same. Once someone knows you're a Christian, they will never look at you the same way. That's because people have preconceived ideas of what Christians are supposed to be like. Sometimes that's a good thing, but many times people suppose we vote a particular way or hold certain opinions, which we may or may not.
No one likes to be prejudged, despite our mistakes, gaffs, and lapses in judgement. So let's just be kind and gracious to each other, even in the church. And extend the grace that God so freely gives us.
Blessings on your ministry.
Kathy
September 24, 2013
Forgiving Those Who Hurt Us
Is
giving forgiveness easy for you? If you're anything like me, it can be
extremely hard especially if the same person continues to hurt you over and over. Last week, the third grade son of a friend had an incident at school where he was bullied by a
couple of boys. These boys were in his class and they had a knack for picking on him over the
past couple school years. On this particular day (we'll call him Tom) in his way stood up for himself, and I guess it was a shock to the boys doing the bullying. They immediately went and told the teacher. When confronted by the
teacher, Tom burst into tears. You see the boys told a lie to the teacher
about what Tom had said to them; and being the soft-hearted child that he is, he
didn't know what to do about the false accusation except cry. She took
him out in the hall and was able to determine what had really happened. She told him to go to the bathroom and dry his eyes and then come back to
the classroom. While he was in the bathroom, she confronted the whole class and
with tears in her own eyes, asked if the whole situation was worth hurting the
feelings of the sweetest boy in third grade. Some of the children were
also overcome with tears, and she said that it had been a good learning lesson
for them all on how they should treat each other. The teacher emailed the mom and the mom emailed the teacher back to thank her for how she had handled the situation.
But the mom worried about she was going to approach the conversation when she picked up Tom that afternoon. Her heart was hurting so badly for what he had been through, and she was
unsure how he would be feeling or if he would want to talk about it. So she prayed.
Much to her surprise, when she picked up Tom, not only was he in an excellent
mood, but he was walking with the boys who had hurt him. He got
in the van and she explained that she knew what had happened and wanted to know if
he was OK. He simply said, "Sure Mom, everything's fine. They're my friends." Needless to say, she was shocked! If
only we adults could have the forgiving heart of a child. Children are
able to show love much like Christ loves us.
My friend says, "I wonder at what point we learn how to hold a grudge or maybe we forgive but don't forget. We adults tend to believe that it is wrong to readily offer forgiveness for that would mean we are condoning the wrong done. Indeed, we want to hold on to our hurt and anger or teach the wrong-doer a lesson. Children in all their innocence magically free themselves from these negative elements, thereby experiencing spontaneous joy and satisfaction in whatever their hearts dictate them to do. If we adults take time and interest to observe, listen and learn, our world would certainly be a better place for all of us. I pray that God renews our child-like faith and we offer forgiveness just as our Heavenly Father has forgiven us."
Grace, Kathy
August 2, 2013
Listening for the Plan
I'm a planner. Before I go to bed, I pick out my clothes for the next day. Before I go to the grocery, I have a good idea what I'm going to buy. In my job, I plan constantly. When my kids were at home, I confess, I planned for them too. So, maybe like you, I'm good at thinking things through and going on the offensive to actively engage the world. And I'm a pretty good listener --even did it professionally for a while. But what I'm not so good at is listening for God's plan for me.
It's hard for me to wait for God's still small voice. It makes me feel that I'm not really doing anything. On one level, I know that's not true, but I feel that way nonetheless. And I know that I would benefit if I stopped to listen for God. It's still hard.
How can we listen for God? How can we stop crowding out God's voice. We in the church can be especially good at doing things for God and not with God. Here are a couple of things that are helping me.
First, I'm reading the Bible more. As I read, I imagine that I is God's personal communication to me. What's God trying to say?
Second, sometimes, I just have to stop what I'm doing and pay attention to the beauty around me.
Third, I look at the people around me as reflections of God's glory. What is God trying to say through them about his plan for me?
Fourth, I find ways to reach out and serve others, expecting nothing in return.
What is God's plan for me today? It's to be open to see the deep needs of others and offer out loud) to pray for them.
Where is God leading you? What helps you listen for God's plan?
Grace, Kathy
It's hard for me to wait for God's still small voice. It makes me feel that I'm not really doing anything. On one level, I know that's not true, but I feel that way nonetheless. And I know that I would benefit if I stopped to listen for God. It's still hard.
How can we listen for God? How can we stop crowding out God's voice. We in the church can be especially good at doing things for God and not with God. Here are a couple of things that are helping me.
First, I'm reading the Bible more. As I read, I imagine that I is God's personal communication to me. What's God trying to say?
Second, sometimes, I just have to stop what I'm doing and pay attention to the beauty around me.
Third, I look at the people around me as reflections of God's glory. What is God trying to say through them about his plan for me?
Fourth, I find ways to reach out and serve others, expecting nothing in return.
What is God's plan for me today? It's to be open to see the deep needs of others and offer out loud) to pray for them.
Where is God leading you? What helps you listen for God's plan?
Grace, Kathy
July 30, 2013
Yelling the Name of Jesus
I love my Sunday School class and if there is any wisdom in this, you can give them the credit.
In the midst of the hurry and worry of daily living, sometimes we falter and turn away from God. There may be lots of reasons and dozens of good intentions, but the bottom line is that we get off track and wander away from God's path for us. So what can we do? One easy but wise way is simply to call upon the name of Jesus.
So when that person cuts you off in traffic, your child gets on your last nerve, or even when the church's demands won't stop, just speak the name of Jesus. Jesus' name is not some kind of magical formula, but saying his name can remind us that we are straying and that we need to set our sights back on God.
One of the guys in my Sunday School class was kidding another class member, saying that during our recent Youth Week, he heard his friend not just saying the name of Jesus but yelling it loudly. We all laughed. But sometimes we have to yell just to make sure we hear it ourselves.
I'm not a particularly spiritual person, but I can do this--saying the name of Jesus when things are going badly. And I've tried it. It really does help me and perhaps it can help you too.
So whether we whisper or yell the name of Jesus, God will honor our prayer and help guide us back in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Grace and Peace,
Kathy
In the midst of the hurry and worry of daily living, sometimes we falter and turn away from God. There may be lots of reasons and dozens of good intentions, but the bottom line is that we get off track and wander away from God's path for us. So what can we do? One easy but wise way is simply to call upon the name of Jesus.
So when that person cuts you off in traffic, your child gets on your last nerve, or even when the church's demands won't stop, just speak the name of Jesus. Jesus' name is not some kind of magical formula, but saying his name can remind us that we are straying and that we need to set our sights back on God.
One of the guys in my Sunday School class was kidding another class member, saying that during our recent Youth Week, he heard his friend not just saying the name of Jesus but yelling it loudly. We all laughed. But sometimes we have to yell just to make sure we hear it ourselves.
I'm not a particularly spiritual person, but I can do this--saying the name of Jesus when things are going badly. And I've tried it. It really does help me and perhaps it can help you too.
So whether we whisper or yell the name of Jesus, God will honor our prayer and help guide us back in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Grace and Peace,
Kathy
July 3, 2013
Separation of Church and State
Dear God, As we approach the celebration of July 4th, we remember the men and women who serve our country, particularly in the armed forces. We pray blessings on them and their families. We pray for their safety and courage. But we also pray for our enemies. We pray that they will also seek peace and understanding. God, we know that honorable peace is possible only with you in our midst. So we pray that you guide us all in paths that will lead to truth and justice, where all persons are respected and have opportunities for life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. In Jesus' name, amen.
As we think about the place that God holds in our county, we automatically recall that famous phrase,
"wall of separation between church and state." This phrase first appears in a letter written by founding father, Thomas Jefferson, to the Danbury Baptist Association in 1802. While there are different interpretations about Jefferson's exact meaning, the letter indicates that he meant that government should not interfere with religion, that is, that legislatures should "make no law respecting an establishment of religion or prohibiting the free exercise thereof." Because, for Jefferson, belief and worship are matters between humanity and God and not humanity and government.
Here is the actual text of Jefferson's letter: "Believing with you that religion is a matter which lies solely between Man & his God, that he owes account to none other for his faith or his worship, that the legitimate powers of government reach actions only, and not opinions, I contemplate with sovereign reverence that act of the whole American people which declared that their legislature should 'make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof,' thus building a wall of separation between Church and State."
As we celebrate our day of independence, let's remember that our God is a God of peace; a God who defends the rights of the least, the last, and the lost; a God who graciously demands and protects the freedom of God's people. Let us not ask if God is on our side, but if we are on God's side and how we can serve with dignity and honor. Let us move forward as a nation acting more like the God's people as demonstrated by the life of Christ.
Grace, Kathy
As we think about the place that God holds in our county, we automatically recall that famous phrase,
"wall of separation between church and state." This phrase first appears in a letter written by founding father, Thomas Jefferson, to the Danbury Baptist Association in 1802. While there are different interpretations about Jefferson's exact meaning, the letter indicates that he meant that government should not interfere with religion, that is, that legislatures should "make no law respecting an establishment of religion or prohibiting the free exercise thereof." Because, for Jefferson, belief and worship are matters between humanity and God and not humanity and government.
Here is the actual text of Jefferson's letter: "Believing with you that religion is a matter which lies solely between Man & his God, that he owes account to none other for his faith or his worship, that the legitimate powers of government reach actions only, and not opinions, I contemplate with sovereign reverence that act of the whole American people which declared that their legislature should 'make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof,' thus building a wall of separation between Church and State."
As we celebrate our day of independence, let's remember that our God is a God of peace; a God who defends the rights of the least, the last, and the lost; a God who graciously demands and protects the freedom of God's people. Let us not ask if God is on our side, but if we are on God's side and how we can serve with dignity and honor. Let us move forward as a nation acting more like the God's people as demonstrated by the life of Christ.
Grace, Kathy
June 25, 2013
First Sunday at a New Church
As many transition to new churches, please know that there are spouses who are praying for you.
Going to a new church can be difficult because the congregation may still be grieving the loss of the former pastor and the parsonage family. But there will also be many who were ready for a pastoral change and will welcome you with open arms.
In every congregation there are people who were close to the previous pastor and family and some of these people will continue their relationship. It's not that they don't want you, it's just that they may have had a special affinity for the previous family. In our case, there have been people in every congregation that we have kept in touch with over the years. I treasure these friendships. These friends have been with us through difficult times and we have seen each other's kids grow up. But this is not to say that this interferes with their relationship with their current pastor.Their pastor is still their pastor. And frankly, it is often easier to be friends after we leave their church.
So I hope that those of you who are moving meeting some new friends and get off to a great start.
When the church is at its best, it really becomes the Body of Christ.
Grace, Kathy
Going to a new church can be difficult because the congregation may still be grieving the loss of the former pastor and the parsonage family. But there will also be many who were ready for a pastoral change and will welcome you with open arms.
In every congregation there are people who were close to the previous pastor and family and some of these people will continue their relationship. It's not that they don't want you, it's just that they may have had a special affinity for the previous family. In our case, there have been people in every congregation that we have kept in touch with over the years. I treasure these friendships. These friends have been with us through difficult times and we have seen each other's kids grow up. But this is not to say that this interferes with their relationship with their current pastor.Their pastor is still their pastor. And frankly, it is often easier to be friends after we leave their church.
So I hope that those of you who are moving meeting some new friends and get off to a great start.
When the church is at its best, it really becomes the Body of Christ.
Grace, Kathy
June 7, 2013
Needed: Christian Business People
A friend works for a major communications business here in our city. The company is also noted for treating its employees unjustly. For no apparent reason, with no warning, the company decided to shuffle its teams. People would stay on the same team, maybe, but the teams themselves would be retrained for new jobs. This was ok with my friend, as he has been through many company reorganizations, and he is very open to learning new things. But in mixing things up, the changes include changing everybody's hours. So there is a chance that a person might work any time, for the standard 8 hours, anywhere from 8 am and 10 pm. Can you imagine what havoc that will heap on employees and their families? And it's not like there is a choice about overtime--you take it if told to. What makes this especially difficult is that many employees commute great distances to work. Parking is costly, so people carpool whenever possible. Then there are issues regarding daycare and caring for children.
In addition in my friend's group, there are a number of people who are almost at retirement, and they see the company changes as a means the company is using to get them to quit. Believe me, this accusation is based on many previous experiences.
What is unjust is that employees see no recourse and they feel that they are being treated as disposable commodities--not faithful, hardworking people who want to contribute to the company goals.
I have to wonder, who runs this company? And why are they grinding their people into the ground? Surely, they are not Christian. We all want business to be profitable, but isn't part of being profitable, having employees who feel like they have a stake in the well-being of the company and who feel that their work matters?
My dad owned a small business, so I know all about the need for profit. But a successful business makes more than money. It makes people's lives better for working there. Surely that is part of the work ethic and a way that we live out our Christian faith. Maybe we just need more business people who live Monday through Friday like what they profess on Sunday.
Grace, Kathy
In addition in my friend's group, there are a number of people who are almost at retirement, and they see the company changes as a means the company is using to get them to quit. Believe me, this accusation is based on many previous experiences.
What is unjust is that employees see no recourse and they feel that they are being treated as disposable commodities--not faithful, hardworking people who want to contribute to the company goals.
I have to wonder, who runs this company? And why are they grinding their people into the ground? Surely, they are not Christian. We all want business to be profitable, but isn't part of being profitable, having employees who feel like they have a stake in the well-being of the company and who feel that their work matters?
My dad owned a small business, so I know all about the need for profit. But a successful business makes more than money. It makes people's lives better for working there. Surely that is part of the work ethic and a way that we live out our Christian faith. Maybe we just need more business people who live Monday through Friday like what they profess on Sunday.
Grace, Kathy
May 31, 2013
Forty Days: Help for Grief
There is a service in the Greek Orthodox Church that occurs forty days after a person's death. Special food is prepared to eat after the service of remembrance. My parents, who both died in mid-January, were recently honored.
I was telling a friend, who is familiar with the Greek Orthodox tradition about the difficulty I was having dealing with their passing. She suggested that I begin my own forty-day period of reflection to deal with the emotions I was experiencing. She didn't tell me how to structure the time or what to do. I decided to commit to forty days of reflection, asking God to direct me daily. got a notebook, numbering each day, including the date. I wrote a few words or sentences each night. Sometimes I wrote God questions, other times I recorded new insights or perspectives received. I wrote scripture; I wrote prayers. I drew simple pictures. I brought my heart completely to God.
I am on day 37 of 40. I have reached a place of peace. I am so grateful.
I realized that '"forty days" occurs often in the Bible. Noah was in the ark 40 days. Jesus went to the wilderness forty days. Lent lasts 40 days. There are probably more.
I want to offer forty days of reflection'for any difficulty or challenge you are facing. Many pastors and families are anticipating change within the next few weeks with new church appointments. 'Forty days of preparation for the move or the first forty days in a new church might be a helpful, intentional way of spending time with God, offering grounding in uncertainty, chaos, and adjustment.
Forty days could be effective for discernment, dealing with any type of loss, celebrating an event, planting a garden or being present to anything life presents.
I am thankful for the way a Greek Orthodox tradition has helped me along a difficult path. I told my friend today I felt like I had experienced two Lents this year, which also means I have experienced two Easters!! Thanks be to God!
Jacquie Reed
Fishers, Indiana
March 11, 2013
What Laity Think about Clergy
It never fails to amuse me to hear how little laity think a clergyperson does. I know my spouse's grandfather really did think that all pastors do is preach one hour a week, until we started sending him the church newsletter. And many pastors have the same number of committees and meetings no matter what size the church or churches. At our particular church we have about 800 members and my husband is the only pastor, although there are other full-time staff. We would never get a vacation if he didn't have some help covering the hospitals, and there have been a few times when we had to come home from vacation because someone in the congregation died. He's on call 24/7.
Pastors work very hard and have to deal with extremely difficult and complex situations. Care of souls is arduous work. For example, we had a person accused falsely but he was sent to jail anyway. The situation was complicated by the fact that the accuser, accuser's family, the accused, and the accused's family all attended the church. Needless to say, there were many hours spent in sorting everything out.
Sermons can take many hours to prepare. How would you like to prepare and memorize a 20-minute speech weekly and have about 200-300 people evaluating your every word over dinner?
Then, at least in the United Methodist Church, pastors have responsibilities beyond the local church, in the district and conference and perhaps in the jurisdiction and at the general church level. If pastors aren't careful, all they might end up doing is going to meetings.
Most pastors I know, love people and are there to serve. I know my husband wouldn't be anything else. He is called by God and gifted to serve as a pastor. But sometimes its a heavy gift. My job as a spouse is to help make the load as light as possible and smooth things out when I can. But as a Christian, I also have a calling. All Christians do.
So when people kid me about how little their pastor works, I just smile and say how wonderful and how pleased God must be that their pastor has laity like them to help share in the multitude of responsibilities. That usually ends the conversation.
Grace, Kathy
Pastors work very hard and have to deal with extremely difficult and complex situations. Care of souls is arduous work. For example, we had a person accused falsely but he was sent to jail anyway. The situation was complicated by the fact that the accuser, accuser's family, the accused, and the accused's family all attended the church. Needless to say, there were many hours spent in sorting everything out.
Sermons can take many hours to prepare. How would you like to prepare and memorize a 20-minute speech weekly and have about 200-300 people evaluating your every word over dinner?
Then, at least in the United Methodist Church, pastors have responsibilities beyond the local church, in the district and conference and perhaps in the jurisdiction and at the general church level. If pastors aren't careful, all they might end up doing is going to meetings.
Most pastors I know, love people and are there to serve. I know my husband wouldn't be anything else. He is called by God and gifted to serve as a pastor. But sometimes its a heavy gift. My job as a spouse is to help make the load as light as possible and smooth things out when I can. But as a Christian, I also have a calling. All Christians do.
So when people kid me about how little their pastor works, I just smile and say how wonderful and how pleased God must be that their pastor has laity like them to help share in the multitude of responsibilities. That usually ends the conversation.
Grace, Kathy
March 6, 2013
Are Clergy Just Another Union?
Recently, I've been told that clergy are just another union. I can see how people might think that. At least, United Methodist clergy have a guaranteed appointment to a church and these churches are required to provide either a parsonage or a housing allowance. And there are parsonage standards. Clergy are organized and provide leadership for the church, as a local institution but also regionally, nationally, and even internationally. There are great benefits to being in the clergy family. We have the satisfaction of serving God and living with other Christians in mission and ministry.
However any spouse will tell you that for each benefit for being part of clergyperson's family, there are also great burdens.True, God gives us gifts and graces, but too often the churches make them heavy gifts indeed. But in no way are clergy part of a union.
For one thing, in a union the leadership is accountable to the membership and are tasked to lead for the benefit of the membership.This is hardly the case in the church. Our leadership, once elected (bishops) or appointed (District Superintendents), other than following church law, are not accountable to pastors.They are accountable to the Church, often at the expense of the pastors in their charge.
Next, unions have contracts with their employer. For United Methodist pastors this is especially tricky. Pastors are employed by the Annual Conference and not the local church. And pastors may influence their pay and benefits, but often lay leadership in the local church make those decision--again within the bounds of church law, which, in the case of UMs, is codified in the Discipline.
I've never been a part of a union, but I know union members can strike. This would be unthinkable for pastors to do, no matter what the circumstance. And unions negotiate for working hours. I don't know about your spouse, but mine is on call 24/7, even when taking time off.
And I would suppose that there is some solitary between union members. Increasingly, this is untrue for clergy, much less their families. But perhaps you have another clergy spouse who has stood by you in tough times, I know I have.
Looking at another profession from the outside in always gives a distorted view. But so does only looking from the inside out. From the inside we know that UM clergy may have a guaranteed appointment, but that doesn't mean that you would choose or can afford to go there or that you won't be sent far from your place of employment.You may live in a parsonage, but that doesn't mean that the church keeps it up or that you are proud to call it your home. But looking from the outside, many lay people believe that clergy have a sweet deal. More on that later.
So what is the true picture? Clergy are not a union, but sometimes I wish they were.
Grace, Kathy
However any spouse will tell you that for each benefit for being part of clergyperson's family, there are also great burdens.True, God gives us gifts and graces, but too often the churches make them heavy gifts indeed. But in no way are clergy part of a union.
For one thing, in a union the leadership is accountable to the membership and are tasked to lead for the benefit of the membership.This is hardly the case in the church. Our leadership, once elected (bishops) or appointed (District Superintendents), other than following church law, are not accountable to pastors.They are accountable to the Church, often at the expense of the pastors in their charge.
Next, unions have contracts with their employer. For United Methodist pastors this is especially tricky. Pastors are employed by the Annual Conference and not the local church. And pastors may influence their pay and benefits, but often lay leadership in the local church make those decision--again within the bounds of church law, which, in the case of UMs, is codified in the Discipline.
I've never been a part of a union, but I know union members can strike. This would be unthinkable for pastors to do, no matter what the circumstance. And unions negotiate for working hours. I don't know about your spouse, but mine is on call 24/7, even when taking time off.
And I would suppose that there is some solitary between union members. Increasingly, this is untrue for clergy, much less their families. But perhaps you have another clergy spouse who has stood by you in tough times, I know I have.
Looking at another profession from the outside in always gives a distorted view. But so does only looking from the inside out. From the inside we know that UM clergy may have a guaranteed appointment, but that doesn't mean that you would choose or can afford to go there or that you won't be sent far from your place of employment.You may live in a parsonage, but that doesn't mean that the church keeps it up or that you are proud to call it your home. But looking from the outside, many lay people believe that clergy have a sweet deal. More on that later.
So what is the true picture? Clergy are not a union, but sometimes I wish they were.
Grace, Kathy
March 4, 2013
Being an Encourager
This past week, I took my young son to one of his karate classes just like I do every week. But on this particular day, the class was unusually small (only 7 kids). So the sensei decided to have the kids practice a particular set of skills one at a time and have the rest of the group comment on their technique. He gave two simple instructions. After the student was finished doing their skills, each of the other students could choose to say something positive that they did well or give a suggestion on how they could improve. Well my son is a very analytic child, and so he waited and watched each child take their turn and strategically chose to go last. I could only assume it was because he got the benefit of learning from the mistakes of those that went before him. When class was over and we were driving home, he asked why the other students only pointed out what he did wrong instead of saying something nice about what he did well. I did not want his feelings to be hurt, so I simply said they just wanted him to be able to do his best.
Later I was thinking about his question to me and it got me thinking. Why do we find it so much easier to point out the faults of others instead of building each other up? Think about that for a minute. How often do you criticize or pass judgement on others when what we should be doing is offering encouragement and sharing God's love? I think many times it comes from a place of insecurity inside us and finding the faults in others makes us feel better about ourselves. But when you meditate on the fact that we are created in God's image and through Jesus we are new creations, you can find wholeness and peace and let those insecurities slip away.
So how do we do it? How can we be encouraged, and how do we become encouragers? True encouragement grows out of a deep faith-walk with God and one another. It requires our time and selfless devotion. It seeks to lift up and heal, helping others grow closer to God, so they can press on in their faith and be better suited for serving in God’s kingdom. There are dozens of Bible verses that train us to be encouragers. May these sampling of Scriptures encourage you today!
Jesus, our Hope, encourages us. (Heb. 6:18, 2 Thess. 2:17)
Salvation encourages us. (1 Thess. 5:8-11)
The Holy Spirit encourages us. (Acts 9:31)
The faith of others encourages us. (Acts 11:23, 28:15, Ro. 1:12, Phil. 1:14, 1 Thess. 3:7)
Fellowship with believers encourages us. (Phil. 2:1, Heb. 10:25)
The truth of Scripture encourages us. (1 Co. 14:31, Phil. 1:14, Tim. 4:2-5, Titus 1:9)
Serving God encourages us. (2 Chron. 35:2)
Anticipating the Lord’s coming encourages us. (1 Thess. 4:18)
Lisa
Later I was thinking about his question to me and it got me thinking. Why do we find it so much easier to point out the faults of others instead of building each other up? Think about that for a minute. How often do you criticize or pass judgement on others when what we should be doing is offering encouragement and sharing God's love? I think many times it comes from a place of insecurity inside us and finding the faults in others makes us feel better about ourselves. But when you meditate on the fact that we are created in God's image and through Jesus we are new creations, you can find wholeness and peace and let those insecurities slip away.
So how do we do it? How can we be encouraged, and how do we become encouragers? True encouragement grows out of a deep faith-walk with God and one another. It requires our time and selfless devotion. It seeks to lift up and heal, helping others grow closer to God, so they can press on in their faith and be better suited for serving in God’s kingdom. There are dozens of Bible verses that train us to be encouragers. May these sampling of Scriptures encourage you today!
Jesus, our Hope, encourages us. (Heb. 6:18, 2 Thess. 2:17)
Salvation encourages us. (1 Thess. 5:8-11)
The Holy Spirit encourages us. (Acts 9:31)
The faith of others encourages us. (Acts 11:23, 28:15, Ro. 1:12, Phil. 1:14, 1 Thess. 3:7)
Fellowship with believers encourages us. (Phil. 2:1, Heb. 10:25)
The truth of Scripture encourages us. (1 Co. 14:31, Phil. 1:14, Tim. 4:2-5, Titus 1:9)
Serving God encourages us. (2 Chron. 35:2)
Anticipating the Lord’s coming encourages us. (1 Thess. 4:18)
Lisa
February 27, 2013
Sustaining Moral Injury
While even in the church, we suffer from ill-defined and conflicting moral codes, there can be no doubt that some people sustain moral injuries. I see this especially when talking to some returning veterans. In war, people are called up to perform acts that can be at odds with their sense of right and wrong. Yet out of duty and/or sense of fear, they see and do things they know are wrong.
Let there be no mistake, many people have moral codes, things they believe are right and wrong. In the church, we teach a code of morality. And some churches teach differently from others, but increasingly, for many, the lines between right and wrong are blurry. This is not to say that we live or should live in a black and white world. Seeing gray can be a sign of spiritual maturity. But when we do something that triggers our shame and guilt, even with the best intentions or the best sense of duty, we are injured. And I'm seeing more walking wounded every day. And it's especially hard to communicate your sense of injury and by be heard by someone else who holds a different moral code.
In a world with fewer standards, what should the church do? Is there such a thing as a universal moral code? Should there be? How can we adjudicate the differences?
What moral injuries do you see in your congregation? And how should we address them as Christians?
Peace,
Kathy
Let there be no mistake, many people have moral codes, things they believe are right and wrong. In the church, we teach a code of morality. And some churches teach differently from others, but increasingly, for many, the lines between right and wrong are blurry. This is not to say that we live or should live in a black and white world. Seeing gray can be a sign of spiritual maturity. But when we do something that triggers our shame and guilt, even with the best intentions or the best sense of duty, we are injured. And I'm seeing more walking wounded every day. And it's especially hard to communicate your sense of injury and by be heard by someone else who holds a different moral code.
In a world with fewer standards, what should the church do? Is there such a thing as a universal moral code? Should there be? How can we adjudicate the differences?
What moral injuries do you see in your congregation? And how should we address them as Christians?
Peace,
Kathy
February 11, 2013
Sacrificial Lifestyle and Local Pastors
This past weekend, I taught a class for the Course of Study. In case you're unfamiliar with it, the Course of Study is a 5-year program designed for United Methodist local pastors who have not been to seminary. But this weekend was also a good reminder for me of how much pastors sacrifice and how that sacrifice is reflected in their lifestyle.
In the group of students, there were 2 people who had 3-point charges and several had 2-point charges.While more and more small churches are being served by local pastors, they are often overlooked by the denomination. We tend to forget that these pastors serve churches and have another full-time job. (I say this because no matter what size a church is, it's a full-time job.)
In my own life, my spouse served a 4-point charge, which had over 625 members. At the time, it was the largest 4-point charge in America. And I remember how we drove from one church to another each Sunday. I also recall that each church had its own unique ministry. While we really loved the people, the only time they cooperated with each other was during the annual revival. Can you can imagine 4 parsonage committees, 4 worship committees, 4 nomination committees--the list goes on and on. Just the meetings wore my husband out, but we were young and didn't know any better.
I've always been impressed with our local pastors. And I don't hear them complain very often about how little they are paid or how some churches are perfectly happy not really wanting to be United Methodist as long as things can be just like they were when grandma was alive. While there are advantages to serving a small church (under 100 members), many of these churches are dying, because they don't have the resources in terms of people. But like my students this weekend said, every church can be in ministry and every church is part of God's mission to our world.
Happily some of the churches served by members of my class are growing with young families. One church boasted of 17 children, which is a lot considering the church is an average worship attendance of about 35. But that pastor is optimistic and it seems his churches are too.
If local pastors, which are both women and men, get little recognition from the denomination, their spouses get even less. So if you know or meet a local pastor's spouse, please tell them that they can, at least, be part of this on-line community. Don't know about you, but I'm sure they would bring a lot of wisdom and experience.
Grace,
Kathy
In the group of students, there were 2 people who had 3-point charges and several had 2-point charges.While more and more small churches are being served by local pastors, they are often overlooked by the denomination. We tend to forget that these pastors serve churches and have another full-time job. (I say this because no matter what size a church is, it's a full-time job.)
In my own life, my spouse served a 4-point charge, which had over 625 members. At the time, it was the largest 4-point charge in America. And I remember how we drove from one church to another each Sunday. I also recall that each church had its own unique ministry. While we really loved the people, the only time they cooperated with each other was during the annual revival. Can you can imagine 4 parsonage committees, 4 worship committees, 4 nomination committees--the list goes on and on. Just the meetings wore my husband out, but we were young and didn't know any better.
I've always been impressed with our local pastors. And I don't hear them complain very often about how little they are paid or how some churches are perfectly happy not really wanting to be United Methodist as long as things can be just like they were when grandma was alive. While there are advantages to serving a small church (under 100 members), many of these churches are dying, because they don't have the resources in terms of people. But like my students this weekend said, every church can be in ministry and every church is part of God's mission to our world.
Happily some of the churches served by members of my class are growing with young families. One church boasted of 17 children, which is a lot considering the church is an average worship attendance of about 35. But that pastor is optimistic and it seems his churches are too.
If local pastors, which are both women and men, get little recognition from the denomination, their spouses get even less. So if you know or meet a local pastor's spouse, please tell them that they can, at least, be part of this on-line community. Don't know about you, but I'm sure they would bring a lot of wisdom and experience.
Grace,
Kathy
January 11, 2013
Appointment Time Decisions
Do we stay or do we go? Do we even get a choice?
Across the connection Staff Parish Relations Committees and Pastor Parish Relations Committees are meeting in this annual ritual to evaluate and vote about what the church wants to do with the pastor--keep or send packing.
This certainly can be a stressful time for clergy families. I know that one of my kids once said that she felt that even she was being sized up during these times.
At our current church, things are going well; so I've chosen not to worry about it. But in times past, when I had a definite opinion about either staying or leaving, I wasn't as nonchalant.
I have seen SPRCs be sensitive to the clergy family needs and others who really don't care much. I've seen SPRCs be helpful to the congregation and others who have sabotaged the congregation's wishes. I wouldn't say it is a crap shoot, but it sometimes feels that way. Through the process, I've seen helpful DSs and jealous, power hungry ones.
I had another spouse tell me that if pastors have a difficult time with the SPRC, it's their own fault, because they select committee members. I love this person, but she is naive at this point.The Church is a very human institution despite also being a vehicle for God's grace. And the appointment process is very imperfect. If you are looking for me to say that "Even if the process is imperfect, it's the best we can do under the circumstances," I can't. The process is imperfect but surely we can do better--and a good dose of prayer with some humility wouldn't hurt either.
So, please know that I am praying for you. And I invite you to pray as well that we embody God's love during, what can be, difficult times.
Grace, Kathy
Across the connection Staff Parish Relations Committees and Pastor Parish Relations Committees are meeting in this annual ritual to evaluate and vote about what the church wants to do with the pastor--keep or send packing.
This certainly can be a stressful time for clergy families. I know that one of my kids once said that she felt that even she was being sized up during these times.
At our current church, things are going well; so I've chosen not to worry about it. But in times past, when I had a definite opinion about either staying or leaving, I wasn't as nonchalant.
I have seen SPRCs be sensitive to the clergy family needs and others who really don't care much. I've seen SPRCs be helpful to the congregation and others who have sabotaged the congregation's wishes. I wouldn't say it is a crap shoot, but it sometimes feels that way. Through the process, I've seen helpful DSs and jealous, power hungry ones.
I had another spouse tell me that if pastors have a difficult time with the SPRC, it's their own fault, because they select committee members. I love this person, but she is naive at this point.The Church is a very human institution despite also being a vehicle for God's grace. And the appointment process is very imperfect. If you are looking for me to say that "Even if the process is imperfect, it's the best we can do under the circumstances," I can't. The process is imperfect but surely we can do better--and a good dose of prayer with some humility wouldn't hurt either.
So, please know that I am praying for you. And I invite you to pray as well that we embody God's love during, what can be, difficult times.
Grace, Kathy
January 7, 2013
Grace in the Midst of Conflict
Like many young families in
ministry, we have had times when my husband was appointed to a church as an
associate pastor. For many families,
these are some of the best years in ministry – less pressure because there is a
senior minister who has the weightier responsibilities, the chance to be
mentored by a seasoned clergy/clergy spouse, the ability to focus on a
particular kind of ministry rather than administration. For other families, the years as an associate
pastor are a tremendous struggle – senior ministers that micro-manage or are
unwilling to share the pulpit, congregations that ask when the pastor is going
to visit as the associate is walking out of a parishioner’s door after a visit,
being stuck with the responsibilities that nobody else is willing to do.
Being the spouse of the associate
pastor when things aren’t going so well can be tough. I sometimes found it hard to sit in church
and be open to the senior pastor’s message when I knew what was going on behind
the scenes. All I could think about was
the most recent conflict in which it seemed like my husband had once again
gotten the short end of the stick. It
was also sometimes awkward. The few
occasions when I was alone with the senior pastor were sometimes uncomfortable
because we both knew that there was animosity in the air.
However, in
the midst of what was one of the most stressful times in ministry was one very
bright spot. The spouse of the senior
pastor was incredibly gracious and kind to both me and my husband throughout
that period. I am sure she was as aware
as I was of the conflict going on between our husbands. Yet she always greeted us warmly and never let
it stand in the way of our friendship.
As the “junior” and still very inexperienced clergy-spouse, I felt powerless
to do anything to make the tension better, but she extended tremendous grace to
me and my family. She set the tone for
how we all conducted ourselves even in the midst of conflict. Her efforts built the one and only bridge
that allows our two families to have any sort of positive relationship to this
day.
If you are reading this and you are
the “junior” spouse, I hope you will focus on the positive relationships that
will help get you through this time. If
you are the “senior” spouse, know that you have the ability to build and even
repair relationships in ways that your pastor-spouse cannot. Your reaching out can have a positive affect that
will last throughout the lifetime of someone else’s ministry.
Julie
.
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