As we are all being reminded, tomorrow is the one-year
anniversary of the Sandy Hook shooting which took the lives of children and
adults. It is an event that reminds us how susceptible each of us is to
violence and that no one age group or place is safe or sacred from the
destruction caused by violence. At the same time, it is a reminder that life
still goes on after bad things happen.
I do not know what propels people to watch countless hours
of television, as reporters and the media regurgitate the same sound bites for
hours. Yet, millions of televisions will inevitably broadcast images, the
voices of so-called experts, stories of brokenness and hope, life and of course
death.
While the media retells the story, again, we know that the
families and town government have asked that we leave them alone and give them
privacy. Families have asked people to stay away. If we listened, families
could walk the streets of Newtown and remember or reflect, like I did last
January when I visited with siblings. They could pop their head into the Misty
Vale General Store and share their grief with locals, talking about what this
past year has been like for them and the community. They could grab a bite to
eat at Villa Restaurant and Pizza with a close friend. They could live their
new lives without the disruption of our misplaced intentions.
When the grieving ask for privacy they do not mean, “Hey,
please avoid knocking on our door and lurking in our garage.” I think they
mean, stay away so that they can choose how to grieve in their own way and at
their own home, within their community and without the media and gawkers. That
is what I hear them asking for on this day.
So, I wonder. On this day when families ask for privacy and
for us to turn our voyeurism into acts of kindness in OUR COMMUNITIES, what
would happen if we turned off the television, avoided the news, and ignored,
all together, any story about Newtown? Perhaps we could send a message to the
media, and those who will choose to ignore the requests by creating chronic
coverage, that we choose to respect the wishes of the bereaved.
While we continue to ask questions of “how and why” events
like Sandy Hook happen and what we can do to help, it is true that we may want
to talk about about gun control, access to mental health support, violence in
American life, and all the other issues events like Sandy Hook provoke us to
ponder. We should not, however, utilize this anniversary to remind ourselves (as
if we ever had a moment to forget) that these questions run deep in our
collective consciousness. This anniversary is Newton’s anniversary. The
questions that need to be asked about this tragedy may be ours, but the grief
that accompanies this anniversary is not about us and we must be clear about
that distinction. I believe that clarity is the only thing separating us from
respecting those who are filled with grief and those who wish to watch from the
sidelines.
And for those of us who want to be supportive, often times
that simply means listening and giving people the space they have requested.
Joseph M.
Primo, MDiv.
CEO | Good
Grief
38
Elm Street | Morristown | NJ | 07960
12
Stockton St. | Princeton | NJ | 08540
908.522.1999
x8011
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