Finding a new church that Mike and I could attend together following retirement has been top priority. We attended another United Methodist church several times during the past year, when Mike took a vacation Sunday. However, the first Sunday after our last Sunday was so difficult. We went to the early service at our new church, and then I told Mike that I needed to go back to 'my church' for one of the services. That idea was fine with him, so off I went -- slipping in after the service began, sitting on a bench against the wall of the sanctuary, and then leaving when the last hymn began. I cried the whole time, wondering if coming back was making the adjustment harder or easier.
During successive Sundays, I have followed the same pattern -- returning for one of the services at 'my church.' I realize that I will have to make the change gradually. I just cannot walk away from people whom I have loved and have loved me for fifteen years. Right now, I have to care for myself and my grief. I know that these feelings are temporary so I am trusting God to give me strength and guidance for the days ahead.
God, there are many clergy families who are experiencing changes -- new appointments bring moves and moves can be challenging. Remind all of us that you are in everything that happens, even grief and change. Increase our awareness of your presence so that at all times we can be nourished in your love. Amen.
Jacquie Reed
Fishers, Indiana
I'm sorry you are having trouble letting go. While I can sympathize with your feeling, I wonder how the current minister and spouse feel about your coming back each Sunday. Our conference policy is that the former pastor and spouse stay away for at least a year. Sometimes, the new pastor will extend an invitation to return sooner, but it is assumed that the retiring pastor and spouse will honor this year of absence. After being with my pastor husband at a church for seventeen years, I found it helpful to get involved immediately in the church we choose to attend after his retirement. They welcomed my involvement and afforded me an opportunity to develop new interests. We all need to take care of ourselves. You must do what it right for yourself while listening to what God is calling you to do.
ReplyDeleteI agree. The congregation must move forward as well and seeing you crying in church will not help. We must set aside our own feelings for the good of the Body. Get involved with another volunteer opportunity-outside of a church if you are not ready to join another one.
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